Hard to travel

[lyla]

I know this lovely guy online like 3 years ago. This year I really want him to come to visit me in my country, I even offered him to share the expenses but he refused because he said he is the man and he should take the responsibility. He said he want to see me too but many reasons that makes him think twice to travel to see me. Like he is worried about what he is going to do after he left and if this relationship will not be failed, also about how expensive it is to travel to my country. He also mentioned that his previous long distance relationship which were failed that makes him a bit trauma.
If it’s easy to travel to USA, I will surely do it but the problem is my country is listed as one of risky country to enter US due to illegal immigrant and terrorist concern.
Actually he said he would come last year but he didn’t.
Everytime we talk bout him travel here, we usually end up arguing. He said he is trying for this year.
If this year ends and still he is not coming, what should I do? I do love him.

[alesitag]

Have you thought of meeting "halfway"? Not your country, not his, just somewhere in the middle... talk about it with him...

Also, is he your boyfriend now or just a friend? if he's your boyfriend, how long has it been since you made it official? if you love him and he loves you, compromising a little is nothing compared to the happiness you'll both experience. He's being selfish by not wanting to travel even though you have offered to share expenses.

I think if he still doesn't want to visit you knowing it's harder for you to travel due to your country status, then I think you should reconsider your relationship... if there is one...

[Moon]

Regardless of how you feel about him, if you have the means to meet but years go by and one of you is reluctant, there's not much more left really. How many years are you willing to waste waiting around for this guy? If I were you, I'd insist that this happens this year. Life is short, don't spend too long waiting around for someone who never shows up; there are plenty of other people to fall in love with.

[13000km]

Regardless of how you feel about him, if you have the means to meet but years go by and one of you is reluctant, there's not much more left really. How many years are you willing to waste waiting around for this guy? If I were you, I'd insist that this happens this year. Life is short, don't spend too long waiting around for someone who never shows up; there are plenty of other people to fall in love with.

Well, this.
As a couple you should be making a joint effort to meet. And if you have the financial means and he has the visa-freedom means to make a visit happen then there shouldn't be an excuse as to why he is reluctant to meet. Frankly, when there's a reluctance to meet on either part it brings up a lot of red flags for me. Like moon said, don't waste your time waiting around for him to stop making excuses.

[lyla]

Hi All,
Thanks for the advice.
The idea of meeting halfway was there but he said that he wants to meet my family too.
Since Jan to last month, I've asked him like several times bout this. In Jan he said he will try to come around spring and last month we argued because he asked me to stop asking and asking because he is trying for it. Keep asking him makes him feel being pushed and threaten because I've mentioned some local guys who try to approach me. It's like i'm making a statement as if he doesn't come fast, I will go with other guys. When actually the real reason i'm doing that is because he asked me to be honest about other guys around me.
His close relative will get married next month so I don't think he will travel soon.
When do you think I should brought up this subject again? as soon as possible or wait for another months?