We're currently taking a break...help?

[Daylan]

So, my SO and I agreed that we were both unhappy in our relationship and one of the reasons why is because we basically jumped into it instead of taking the time to REALLY know each other and build a foundation...become friends. Now mind you that we really and honestly do love each other and want to continue our future together...but she said that we need to also figure out where our heads are and just do what we do...live our lives. It sucks not saying "I love you" or calling each other our special names...it's basically back to square one and I'm not going to bitch about it if it'll really help us in the end. She didn't set any rules such as seeing other people or anything like that, so I'm staying faithful until she either says go ahead or were done. Even then it'll be weird to me.

I just need some opinions of people who have said "break time" or have been told that they need a break. I will say that I talked to a friend of mine and she said this line many a time, but never got back together with the person. My SO told me that she wants to get back together if things work out. Interpretation? Thanks

Oh, and if it makes any difference, we've been dating for 8 months and the break has been about 3-4 days. And the only reason why I'm unhappy is because of the distance...maybe she gave up and is saying this to gently end things...or she genuinely wants to fix this. I'm going with the second one because we both firmly believe that we are soul mates and we're meant for each other. Maybe this is a test life is throwing at us...I'll pass though because I love her with my whole heart.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Sometimes you need to take a step back to figure out what YOU individually want. The majority of breaks I've had/my friends have had have led me to believe that breaks tend to lead to break ups - it's like...there are issues in your relationship, but you're not ready to let go. It's a long goodbye. However, I think there are times when itcan work - when the couple taking the break genuinely think about and work on the issues they have individually, and when they talk again, they communicate about what they can do to improve their relationship.
It's hard to judge which way it's going to go, because I don't know her attitude. Yours seems relatively positive and hopeful, and I can see that you're willing to do what you need to in order to make the relationship work. You said you're both unhappy because of a.) the distance, and b.) you didn't take enough time to get to know each other as friends. If you decide to continue the relationship after this break, I suggest you take things slowly, so that you can build up some of that 'foundation' you're lacking. Have a look around LFAD's things to do with your SO, spend time getting to know things about each other, spend time talking about issues other than yourselves, learn about your attitudes and outlooks, together. Obviously, there's very little I can do to help the distance issue. My SO and I try to make the distance feel less by doing some of the same things at the same time (We're on an 8 hour time difference, so it can get tricky, but it's possible) - like cooking, showering, napping, going for a walk. Also, care packages and letters help.
Best of luck to you.

[kkk55]

As a girl...I've used the "break" line a lot to break up with someone whose feelings I didn't wanna hurt. But it was also not an LDR. This isn't the case for everyone, so I wish you luck. I think if 2 people are meant to be together, it should come easy. My LDR is a piece of cake (besides me missin the Hell outta him). Hope everything works out!

[Captivated]

I think I recall having this same conversation with my guy. However, I was temporarily annoyed at the distance and figured we needed a break to see if this is really what we (I) wanted. Break ended up lasting less than a week.

I don't think breaks are all bad - I think they can be good to reevaluate your situation. Wish you luck!!

[SDPersona]

I've tried breaks in only one relationship, my first, and that one ended. Which means for me and my ex- partner breaks didn't work. Why? because we've used the breaks for basically ignoring the issues there or just not working on it. After the ending of this relationship I learned the lesson and never took breaks ever again. If issues are there then I'll work on it instead of imitating an ostrich!

[temporaryuser]

You cant "sart over" in a relationship. There are no do overs. Youdont forget things that have been said.
if her reason is because you dont know each other well enough, well then you start communicting better and learn more about each other.
have you been talking in the past few days? I believe in the 100 things list is one wheere you ask a bunch of questions. Otherwise you can google it. My so calls it "working the gray matter", every now and then he hits me with some really deep questions that make me think. Thats how you get to know each other - not by taking a break
You need to talk to her and just come right out and ask - if you want to get to know me better, lets work on it. if you dont like the distance say so so we can move on.

[floridaellen]

I've never done a break, but my SO and I broke up and got back together. It actually helped our relationship by giving us some alone time. However, we were broken up so we were not faithful to each other. That actually ultimately led us to get back together.

[kiara_silver]

You cant "sart over" in a relationship. There are no do overs. Youdont forget things that have been said.
if her reason is because you dont know each other well enough, well then you start communicting better and learn more about each other.
have you been talking in the past few days? I believe in the 100 things list is one wheere you ask a bunch of questions. Otherwise you can google it. My so calls it "working the gray matter", every now and then he hits me with some really deep questions that make me think. Thats how you get to know each other - not by taking a break
You need to talk to her and just come right out and ask - if you want to get to know me better, lets work on it. if you dont like the distance say so so we can move on.

That. In the beginning (and sometimes still now) I would just have list of questions for him, fun, silly, serious. Just random questions, about his likes, dislikes. And then some would lead to deeper conversations. But it was how I got to know him at first. I honestly don't believe in breaks. What exactly is that? If your still communicating with each other, and love that person. I get needing space, but I think if theres a issue you try to work on it right away. Even when it's hard, for me a break means a break up or a excuse to see other people. Sorry if im not helping. Thats my own view, but i've read a few who taken breaks and it's helped them out so much, so to each there own. I would continue talking to her, and building up that foundation you guys were talking about. Ask about what the break means.

[Daylan]

I'm glad I'm getting replies that are mixed in thought. She tells me that she wants to take a break, but quite frankly its pissing me off because she's worse now than she was before with communication. I can't say anything though because we're both busy. But I'm going to hit her up tomorrow and if she ain't busy, I'm going to do that 100 question thing because I've played that game with someone else I know and I know her more than I know my girlfriend. This is beyond sad, so I'm going to fix it. I'm not going to stand back and watch this relationship fall apart. If she doesn't want to work it out, then fine, because I'm missing out and I can't do this forever. I love her very much with all of my heart, but if it means that we need to break it off for good, then so be it. As long as she's happy, I'm happy...even if it's with someone else. It'll be way way better with me, but I'm just saying worse case scenario

[floridaellen]

I think you have a good attitude about this, especially the statement about as long as she's happy, you're happy. I hope it works out for you!

[Reuschel]

I'll be the flip side of the coin compared to most but my SO and I had been together for 2 and 1/2 years before we took a ~2 month break. She was stressed with school, needed to reevaluate her life, and just get her own individual time. I ended up learning that I actually needed the same. We talked everyday for our 2 and 1/2 years and during the 2 month break, we talked about 10 times or less. We learned that we missed each other way too much and that what we have is more than a romantic relationship. We are best friends first and lovers second. A break can be both good and bad but don't think that every single one doesn't work out. Everyone needs time from any type of relationship whether its a partner, family, friends, coworkers, etc. Just focus on yourself and your needs during this time and you'll end up happier with your life either way. I know I am.