Oh Man, I'm Losing It

[Sierra]

I don't know where else to turn. I'm losing my mind, my temper and my patience. I know why, but this has got to stop. I officially gave notice at my job the other day, I'm still not moving until July but my boss needs to know why I'll be needing this time off. I've been working more than double the amount of hours than I'm used to, or even able to do because of my back, but I have to do it to save money to move. I'm getting a loan to help me.

I've been tossing and turning all night long and barely getting any restful sleep.

My boyfriend is getting the brunt of my frustrations and I can't stop. I cry every day, basically throw temper tantrums about everything, he asks me how to fix this, I say I don't know because I don't know, I don't even know why I'm mad.

My second job ends in 4 weeks, so that'll relieve some of the stress but I don't know if it'll take away the stress of making this huge change in my life. I don't know how to deal. Someone help me. I literally feel like I can't make it these next four weeks, I don't know what to do.

[lala]

you're just stressed out tooo much well i don't really get what the actual problem is. youare moving soon and therefore you have to work more to save your money,right? Why can't your bf help you finacially?
what also helps is doing some sport to free your mind.. I'm sure you'll make it trough!

[BabyDimples]

You sound really stressed. I understand why you are stressed though. Talk it out to someone, it often makes you feel a bit better! Try and occupy your mind with something else when your home. Get yourself lost into a good book, or a new TV series, or some games. The good thing is, is that your SO can also do all of these with you too if you want them to! Try not to worry too much, you've been together almost a year! I'm sure you'll manage the next four weeks

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Like lala said, you haven't highlighted any key issue that's making you feel this way. I guess stress can do this to us, hey?
One thing that works me up more when I can't sleep is the fact that I'm not sleeping. I get angry at myself, and I try hard to sleep, and it doesn't work. Something I do when this happens is put on an audiobook on my ipod, close my eyes, in the dark, and just listen. Sometimes I don't fall asleep for ages, and sometimes it's near instant. It just takesmy focus off trying to sleep so badly.
Another thing my SO taught me to do when I'm worked up and frustrated, and I can't really figure out why is to draw a spider diagram of all the reasons I'm angry and frustrated. After I'm done, I go and have a drink of something - not something strong, just juice or tea or something - and then come back to the diagram and look at it. It sounds dumb, but actually, it really helps me to have the visual thing in front of me to work out what my issues really are - and to what degree I'm being irrational. I guess it's something to do with the doing something different in the middle of being angry and giving me space to calm down.
Think about how long you've been working hard for what you want. I know this is a big change in your life, but it's one you've chosen for yourself. It's one that feels right to you. If you didn't believe that it was the right thing to do, you wouldn't be working this hard to do it. Have faith in your decisions. The next four weeks are going to be rough, but as you've said - your SO wants to help, your SO wants to look after you and support you the best he can. Good luck for the next four weeks, and try and remember that this part of your life is temporary now. Do what you need to do to stay as calm as possible. Stop doubting yourself, because you can do this.

[Sierra]

The key issue is, there is no key issue. There is no issue here. For some reason I just fly off the handle.

I'm stretched way too thin, is the actual problem. Yes, my boyfriend can help me financially but he'll help me by helping me pay back my loan. Other than that I have to work extra hard for me to move out there which is what I think is making me this way.

I don't know if it's stress, lack of sleep (I'm barely sleeping), not having any time to relax, too much caffeine. I know it's not PMS. I just need to get a handle on this and stop taking it out on the one person who doesn't deserve it.

[BabyDimples]

I think that it is probably stress. I know what you mean with there being no reason for it. I feel like that sometimes, but on a smaller scale to you. It really is awful, and me and my boy have had a few fights because of when I don't realise that I'm being snappy - I'm normally not, but the way that I write looks snappy. It really does make you feel so bad about taking it out on the one person who doesn't deserve it. When I'm like that, I talk to him, and it makes me feel a lot better. Or try and do a few things that I enjoy, like drawing.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm stretched way too thin, is the actual problem. Yes, my boyfriend can help me financially but he'll help me by helping me pay back my loan. Other than that I have to work extra hard for me to move out there which is what I think is making me this way.

I didn't necessarily mean financially (in fact, I don't think you mentioned financially initially :S ). I meant that he can support you emotionally. He's showing that he cares by offering his help. Even if you refuse to let him help, at least he's showing that he's in you corner. Even if everything else feels crappy, surely that's some comfort?

My SO is currently in your position - stretched really far to afford moving over here (and also uni here) in September. All I can do is offer my support. He gets stressed out, but he's developed ways to cope and calm down and rationalise why he's frustrated with what.

Like you said, you just need to find a way to cope with it.

[Sierra]

Someone else asked me if he could help me financially.

Of course he's there as much as he can be for me, but at the same time I'm really pushing him away, picking fights over nothing and it's never ending. It's not comforting it just makes me feel worse about the whole thing, of course, I feel even worse when he loses his temper with me too. It's a double edged sword because I know it's nothing something he should have to deal with in the first place. He keeps telling me it's fine and he knows we'll get through this together. He says that when I'm out there in about a month I should just sleep the whole time and I'm really stressed and overtired - which I am. He also says he understands that I'm getting closer and closer to making a major change in my life and that's hard for me.

When I'm not being a complete psycho I try to be as good of a person as I can be. I send him pictures every day with a little message on a post it like "I love you", "I miss you", "I'm sorry", or how many days until we see each other. He says it makes him really happy but I don't know that it's enough to get us through the massive problems I'm causing.

Sadly for me, I quickly lose control of my anxiety, I have an anxiety disorder and it just skyrockets. I'm afraid to take more of my anxiety medication than I already do but I decided to change my dosage today and just see if it helps. If I have to be drugged to get through this, so be it, at least I'm not making my boyfriend cry just because I can't help but be mean.

I guess what's frustrating is that I don't get like this and it's hard to cope. I don't want to feel this way or be like this. I just want as much calmness as we can have and deserve.

[iakai]

I don't know if this will work for you? It depends on the person, but I find that it helps for me that before I see my SO, I have to stop communicating with him. I get kind of anxious even though I'm not closing the distance anytime soon yet. But I start feeling nervous-ish and wondering how this is all gonna work out and worry about everything!

So instead of focusing all the negative energy on him (since he's probably the only one you'll output it to) maybe suggest you two don't skype before seeing each other? Just emails/nice notes that you make daily, that way you might look forward to each other instead of focusing on the current problems.

Again I don't know if you'll like this idea, if not, just try to breathe and close your eyes, don't let that anger and stress get a hold of you!

[Moon]

There's not much you can do about having to work, or preparing for the move, but maybe you could leave your boyfriend alone for a few days? It might give you the chance to miss him, and it'll give you a little YOU time, you know? It'll give him a little time to de-stress, too. Use the time to just relax and watch some TV or read a book, maybe even take a bubble bath or paint your nails. There's really not a lot of advice to give other than that, I'm afraid You've got to force yourself to relax and find a way to not take it out on him, it's an adjustment for you both. It's really, really important to think before you speak to try to avoid saying something that within a few seconds you'll know shouldn't be said.

This is a big change, it's OK that you can't point out why you feel the way you do, or why you're acting the way you are, but you've got to put in some serious effort for yourself and also into not making the people you love miserable. You can do this. Good luck.

[Sierra]

I tried to ask him for a little bit of space like, hey babe you know I know that you don't deserve to be treated like this blah blah blah, why don't you do your own thing and I'll do mine and he said that no matter how crabby I was he really looks forward to our date nights and at the end, I'm always feeling better. And he's right.

But tonight, for example, as soon as I get home, I'm going to sleep. He's just going to have to understand. Really, one person can only take so much or be so tired until they break into a million pieces over everything and I'm there.

I mean I have to give him credit where it's due, he won't let me run away from this issue, he basically loves me through it and does his best to not lose his temper or get hurt by what I'm saying and then cheers me up, but I KNOW he doesn't deserve all this in the first place, which is what bothers me.

I also know he's trying to show me he's going to be there for me through thick and thin but nobody deserves this kind of emotional abuse and that's what it is, I don't care what my circumstances are. I mean I appreciate that he understands I'm really stressed but it's like I'm a freight train and he's standing on the tracks waiting for me every day just to run him down. I keep telling him to GET OFF THE TRACKS but he won't.