Going from never being apart to being an LDR?

[k.ferg]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months, and have hardly spent more than a week apart. He is now moving to Haiti for a year long internship. Visiting will be very expensive and simple communication will be difficult. I know most LDR's start off that way, but has anyone else had a similar experience? I am absolutely dreading him leaving, and I'm definitely needing a little hope that things will turn out alright.

[dukes2011]

First off, welcome!! You've definitely come to the right place! Sometimes before they leave is almost worse in my experience because you're dreading it so much and that feeling overcomes you. It's hard but keep your chin up and have faith in yourself and the relationship. Getting used to not seeing them is difficult and it's an adjustment, but you will get used to it with time. It really sucks at times, not going to lie but I always remind myself I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. It's a good way to keep your morale up when you feel hope slipping away. Stay busy and remember to hang out with friends because they will help you through it. They may not fully understand, but then you can come here and someone can probably say they've been through your situation too. Good luck and hope I see you more around the forums

[frompanthertomustang]

Exactly what dukes said! Welcome to LFAD!!! As much as it sucks to be LD with your boyfriend or girlfriend, we're glad you're here! This really is an awesome website, and I hope you find it helpful in dealing with the everyday struggles being in an LDR can cause. On the upside, it sounds like your boyfriend's getting an amazing internship opportunity. When does he leave for Haiti?

Hope you know that we're all always here to talk if you need to!

[carolynred]

Welcome to LFAD! My SO and I started off in a close distance relationship and ended up going long distance because of school. As hard as it can be, there's always hope. You'll find that you'll be able to distract yourself and just look forward to seeing your SO again. My SO and I are planning on closing the distance after a year, and you never know because a year can go by so fast. It sure did for us! It's no fun, but it builds a connection between you and your SO that is strong and unique. It will be worth all the wait at the end! Plus, we are all here for you!

[11MikesGirl21]

My SO and I started out at the same college (we're from different states). Then he withdrew. We had a triangle of distance going and I split breaks between home and him. Now he lives with my grandparents so we'll have summer's together.

It does take a lot of adjustment. It's not easy and you'll have to change things a little bit to accomadate the distance. And because you've gotten used to seeing each other suddenly not having them around takes a lot of getting used to. It's been an entire school year almost and I still can't look at the booth where me and my boyfriend ate most of our meals together or walk by his old room. You will be able to do it. It's hard, but it's very do able. We all know how it is. Hang in there and welcome to LFAD.

[kat4301]

My SO and I lived together for a year after dating for 5 years when we went LDR. We were living in a new city so all we had was each other, and I don't think we ever spent more than a few nights apart that whole year. But now we are on the tail end of our 2 years apart and good news, it can be done. As hard as it has been, we have seen many benefits including both of us being able to find a good group of friends and support that we didn't have in our old city all alone. Flexibility is important and routine certainly helps. You can do it!

[dglynn77]

I don't have advice for your situation, but I wanted to say WELCOME! We're glad to have you!

[books]

Welcome to the forums
My So and I started out as CD and were together all the time...he literally lived right down the street from me, so after the initial "courting" period, we spent everyday together for 3 months. So switching to LD was super hard! We have huge communication issues as well...he has no internet access where he's at so skype is out. In the beginning, the only communication we had was the phone calls I would make to him every once in awhile (they are expensive). Then, facebook mobile was introduced where he's at, so we now can message each other on facebook (he has to have credit on his phone and the signal has to be working, but generally it's ok). So, I think you just have to figure out how you can best communicate and stick with it. He may actually have more access to communication than you think...my cousin was just in Haiti for a 6-month internship and had her blackberry with her. If he goes with an NGO, they may have special housing with internet access already set up for him. I would look into these things for sure.

[k.ferg]

Thank you all so much for the warm welcom... The initial complete meltdown is finally starting to lift a little bit, and you all have definitely given me hope. I believe that we'll make it, and I'm thinking this will be one of my new favorite websites! You all have already offered a LOT more help than most of my friends. When no one knows what your going through, they tend to just shrug it off like it's not a big deal, but man it sure feels like a big deal to me. Thanks!

---------- Post added at 03:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:24 PM ----------

Books: It's good to know that I'm not the only one dealing with the tough communication. The details are still pretty iffy on where he will be staying, but at this point it looks like he'll be renting his own place in the city. Did your cousin actually get service on her blackberry? We may need to check that out! Your situation sounds crazy tough, and although I'm sorry that it is, it sure gives me a hell of a lot of hope. If you can do it with that little communication then I think we might be able to make it too. Thanks for sharing with me [COLOR="Silver"]

[books]

Books: It's good to know that I'm not the only one dealing with the tough communication. The details are still pretty iffy on where he will be staying, but at this point it looks like he'll be renting his own place in the city. Did your cousin actually get service on her blackberry? We may need to check that out! Your situation sounds crazy tough, and although I'm sorry that it is, it sure gives me a hell of a lot of hope. If you can do it with that little communication then I think we might be able to make it too. Thanks for sharing with me

No problem! My cousin did get service on her blackberry...I know she was staying in NGO housing in the city so she got WiFi there. She also had some kind of world plan on her phone for phone calls. I also work with a Haitian girl and she uses BBM to communicate with her family in Haiti all the time (I have a feeling her family may be of a higher economic bracket though, which makes a big difference as far as someone's access to communication goes). So, that's to say there are options- at least your SO will be in the city as opposed to the rural areas. I use Rebtel to call my SO (it was recommended by a LFAD member) and it's been really great. I tried using phone cards before, but found I was paying way more than the initial advertised rate (due to minute rounding), also the call quality was pretty bad at times. I looked on Rebtel and saw the rates to Haiti are high (23.9 cents per minute to mobile) just as the rates to Nicaragua are (19.9 cents per minute to mobile). These expensive charges really annoy me as there are much cheaper rates in nearby countries (for example, Costa Rica is only 7.6 cents a minute and Mexico is 9.9 cents a minute).

[k.ferg]

A little update: We found a phone service that he can use to call the U.S. UNLIMITED for under 50 a month through a special company in Haiti. I know it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but knowing I will actually be able to talk to him while he is gone (as much as I want!) is such a huge, happy thing for us.

Gotta sppreciate the small stuff