I don't know how to feel...

[malia]

Me and my SO have been together for a year. Physically we have been together for a couple of months straight. We've gone through ups and downs, like every couple. Anyway, to the point now.. He likes to chat with girls online. Random ones. I've told him that I don't like it plenty of times, he has said that he will stop but somehow every once in a while I come across him talking to them again. Innocent flirting. I just don't know how to feel. I don't know why he does it. Maybe he just does it when I'm not online at that time or he just needs some other girls to talk to or when we get into a fight ? It just frustrates me because I know how he feels about me and all the stuff we have gone through and he is going through for me to be with me. It frustrates me because I know that I'm the most important thing in his life but when he does that it just makes me wonder what's going on in his head. I just don't want to constanly worry about him flirting with other girls to make himself feel better because I can't be there. It just hurts.

Maybe I'm just being overly jealous or have major trust issues?

[Michivf04]

Well i can defenitly understand that him flirting can bring up insecurities or trust issues. Question is how innocent is the flirting? I read in an article once that flirting outside ur relationship is healthy in a relationship just as long as boundaries aren't crossed. Other articles I've read has said that social networks and internet chats are often bringing up issues in relationship like for example flirting. They also said that if the person wouldn't say things that they are writing online in front of their gf/bf then they shouldn't be saying those things if they are in a committed relationship. Do you still trust him? Remember that you need to trust him at all times being to jelous may cause him to want to chat more with these girls or get a bit distant with you. Just my personal opinion on things hope it helps!! =)

[11MikesGirl21]

For me, that's a bit too far. If he was only talking to them as friends that's one thing. My SO has his share of girl-friends he had before he met me. He's gotten back in touch with one recently and she'll be going to school near him come fall. From what he's told me she's said and what they talk about she's fine. That I'm fine with, when it gets to be a little more than that is when I have the problem. And he knows that. He has turned down some invitations to hang out in the past from girl-friends and exes he knows would just be trouble.

He shouldn't be flirting. I don't find flirting as harmless, it invites people in and gives them a reason to pursue. You only have "issues" because he's causing you to have them.

[malia]

Well i can defenitly understand that him flirting can bring up insecurities or trust issues. Question is how innocent is the flirting? I read in an article once that flirting outside ur relationship is healthy in a relationship just as long as boundaries aren't crossed. Other articles I've read has said that social networks and internet chats are often bringing up issues in relationship like for example flirting. They also said that if the person wouldn't say things that they are writing online in front of their gf/bf then they shouldn't be saying those things if they are in a committed relationship. Do you still trust him? Remember that you need to trust him at all times being to jelous may cause him to want to chat more with these girls or get a bit distant with you. Just my personal opinion on things hope it helps!! =)

I just don't feel like it's healthy anymore. I'm not really sure if it's completely innocent flirting as in I can't check him all the time. I trust him but at the same time I feel like I have to constantly check on him and I can't even do that all the times because I don't know what he is doing on his computer. It just messes with me and my trust, especially if I have talked to him about it. I just feel like he keeps making the same mistake over and over again, if he even takes it that way?

[Sora1101]

If he was talking them to as friends I don't think I'd have a problem with it but if he was flirting with them I'd definitely see that as cheating, I mean being long distance the only way you can connect is to flirt and talk to each other online so that's basically what he's doing he's cheating, the way I would see it would be that he's interested in these girls, if he wasn't there would be no reason for him to flirt.

[kiara_silver]

If he was talking them to as friends I don't think I'd have a problem with it but if he was flirting with them I'd definitely see that as cheating, I mean being long distance the only way you can connect is to flirt and talk to each other online so that's basically what he's doing he's cheating, the way I would see it would be that he's interested in these girls, if he wasn't there would be no reason for him to flirt.

I think I agree with this, when your taken i don't think you should flirt. There is nothing wrong with having friends both male or female, and chatting. But flirting can lead to things. I would approach him and talk about what specifically bugs you and be direct. Is he contacting these girls? Or are they random messaging him? I would be bothered too if my SO was going out looking for girls to talk and flirt with, be open and honest about your feelings so you guys can move on, fully vent. When I say vent i don't mean yell i mean let it all out. Fully. This topic is sticky though, as a girl you want to be the only girl in your SO's life, but you have to be understanding that everyone needs friends. Still i would defiantly not be okay with the flirting. I hope you guys work it out.

[Michivf04]

I just don't feel like it's healthy anymore. I'm not really sure if it's completely innocent flirting as in I can't check him all the time. I trust him but at the same time I feel like I have to constantly check on him and I can't even do that all the times because I don't know what he is doing on his computer. It just messes with me and my trust, especially if I have talked to him about it. I just feel like he keeps making the same mistake over and over again, if he even takes it that way?

Then if its not healthy or its that serious u need to talk to him and if he keeps doing it unfortunately you can for him or go psycho on him stalking his every move. This then you have to consider. One thing I've always learned to keep my insecurities low is that i know what I'm worth and if he wants something else on the side then I have to look into that because then he doesn't really love me? I use to have so many insecurities and be pushy to the point where i got paranoid. I tried warning him about this girl that gave me a bad vibe ( u know those girl instinct) and he didn't pay attention he still made a mistake in trusting this girl and he ended up with rumor & bad experience at his work. I think on his own he learned a lesson & learned my own lesson "People learn out of their own"

[CanadianGirl]

For me, since we met online and our flirting turned into all this...I'd have no patience with him talking to random girls for fun. We met on Omegle, talking to random people is the entire point of that site. Now that I'm taken, it's really not amusing anymore. If "flirting" is being social and complimenting others, that's just fine. To me, flirting is part of the romantic chase (expressing interest), and that is just not okay with me and honestly can't see how it keeps a relationship alive. For an LDR, I'd say you're pretty well justified in feeling upset. He could just as easily flirt with you online instead, but it's with other random girls.

Talk to him about what you're comfortable with and if there's good reason to believe he's not respecting you, you know what to do. Hope things go well!

[Zapookie]

No, you're not being overly jealous. Flirting is stepping over the line, in my opinion.

My SO is a huge flirt/charmer, and when we were just friends, I know that he used to talk to a bunch of girls. It stopped when we became official, but I think sometimes he didn't realise the way he talked to them and some were actually upset/jealous when they found out we were together.

Flirting is bascically letting someone know you're interested in them, isn't it? It's part of courting/dating. It's in the words you use as well as your body language/actions. If you're taken, you shouldn't be flirting with other people.

I think some guys might still flirt because they either feel that they need the attention, or they get satisfaction knowing that their words/moves still get the girls, so its sort of like a rush for them.

[alesitag]

I'm gonna go a bit farther on this. I found out my ex had (at least) two webcam sessions (one with his ex, the other with a friend of his) during our relationship.

I found screenshots of the conversations (his ex showing him she got Brazilian waxed, his friend being topless). I didn't make a big deal out of it, because I talked myself into feeling it was my fault for sneaking into his computer's hidden files... I confronted him about the first one (his ex) a few months after I found out (yes you got it right... MONTHS) and he said it was no big deal, he just wanted to see how far she could go knowing she was about to get married. Somehow I decided to "trust" him.

When I found out about the second one, I confronted him the next day. He said (AGAIN) it was no big deal, it was just like watching porn to him... and yet again, I "trusted" him but warned him I wouldn't tolerate a third one...

Guess what? there wasn't a third one, but instead, earlier this year, I found a message on his cell phone from an unknown woman saying "happy birthday baby! I hope all your fantasies come true <3!"... after that, there was no way I could be with him anymore... I didn't even try to confront him... I just broke up with him (for this and many, many, many more reasons) and moved on... the love was gone.

My advice is, if it walks like a duck, it looks like a duck and it quacks... then it's a duck!

[malia]

Thanks people. I just needed some opinions on it.