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    Advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Me and my SO broke up in December due to her insane trust issues.
    She got help for that in therapy and during the last few months has been trying to prove to me that she has changed and wants to have a relationship again.I feel that therapy has indeed helped her a lot with her trust issues and other things that were going on.

    So, I scrapped together the little bit of cash I do have and bought a train ticket to see her. I arrived today
    During the train ride she didn't really talk to me much. Her birthday was yesterday so unless I was asking how her birthday was going, I didn't get much of a conversation.
    At around 2 AM- ish she texted me telling me she had fun and that she loved me and such, which was really nice to hear, I love it when she has good days. We talked for about three hours or so and then she fell asleep. I went to leave her a facebook message telling her happy birthday and such and linking her to the gift I made her and I saw this post on her wall that made me kind of go "huh ?"
    Some guy she met at this club she went to lastnight was flirting and talking about doing her and she was flirting back and telling him she was down to do that with him and that she couldn't wait to see him again.

    I officially do not know what to do anymore. I traveled 4,000 miles to see her and just last night she was telling me how stoked she was to see me and then this happens.

    I'm a mess with emotions right now
    Can anyone offer advice ?

    #2
    eeem I'm sorry to hear that! It's a really strange situation.. o.O I really don't know what kind of advice i should give you. Maybe you could ask her?

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      #3
      IMHO I think her trust issues have to do with her lack of selfconfidence, and maybe after therapy, she went on the opposite direction.
      I don't know her or what her background is, but given the fact that she is flirting to this guy after asking you for a second chance leads me to think she needs some kind of reassurance that she's worthy, attractive, beautiful...

      Another option would be she's looking for some kind of "revenge" for things she thinks you did before you broke up...

      Either way, you need to confront her about this to get her side of the story and realize whether you can deal with this and give it a try, or you just need to back off and move on to something better...

      “Laughing like children, living like lovers, rolling like thunder under the covers”

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        #4
        If she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't be flirting with this other guy. :/

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          #5
          Im sorry to hear that.
          ask her about it, about what that guy said
          see what she has to say.

          Im not sure what else to say about it tbh.
          just ask.

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            #6
            Oh dear, that doesn't sound good... I'm inclined to agree with what Tommybat above me said I don't think there's anything you can do apart from confront her about what you read. All things considered, you have every right to do so; it's not as if you were snooping when you came across those comments, they were on Facebook for everyone to see. The only one who can clarify what's really going on is your SO. You deserve to know the truth, ask her. I'm really sorry.

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              #7
              One thing that would give me different viewpoints is if you are currently in a relationship or not?

              If not: She's free to flirt with who she likes. It's strange behaviour for someone who says she wants to see you, but if she's still officially single she's not cheating on you. Even if it feels like that. I know that because you two were recently together, you feel that there should be some sense of loyalty still there. Unfortunately, she might not view the situation in this way. She might consider herself completely single.

              If you are: I agree with what the others have been saying. It doesn't sound like she wants a relationship. It sounds like she wants someone to find her attractive and want her - and as her recent ex who's still in love with her... of course you still meet those needs. If I were you, I would tread carefully. Try to talk to her about this, seeing as you've travelled so far to see her. She might not really be ready fora relationship yet. She might want to be, think she is, but you've got to go on your judgment.

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                #8
                Have you two discussed the relationship status? Are you currently an exclusive couple? As in, have you discussed the fact that you are an exclussive couple? if not, you cant complain about something that was posted on fb.
                Either way, you do have the right to ask her what its about. Could be innocent, might not be. But without asking her, you cant assume. Does she know you are coming? Anfd coming to see her?
                everything happens for a reason. We may never find out what that reason is/was, but there is a reason.

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                  #9
                  Maybe she has trust issues because she's been unfaithful? Just a thought really, I mean a lot of people develop trust issues when they themselves are being unfaithful, they think "hey if I can do this and get away with it maybe they are too" it's kinda like a double standard type of thing.

                  Although I wouldn't bring this up cheating thing with her, ask her about the facebook comment and see what she has to say, if it sounds like she's deflecting or making excuses I think you need to reevaluate your relationship and decide whether or not you want to continue.

                  Notes:
                  Met: 8.17.09
                  Started Dating: 8.20.09
                  First Met: 10.2.10
                  Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Well it is kinda weird about how she is telling you that she is excited to see you then you see she's meeting guys and flirting with them. Umm i would suggest talking to her about it because if you are confused and have doubts you should clear them up but with her. Definitely think you shouldn't jump to conclusion before talking to her. Im sorry your in a confusing situation here. Wish you the best. =)

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