What do I do?

[digitalfever]

So, I went on a surprise visit to see my SO and the whole thing didn't end well. The thing is after not being there I could think about the situation objectively and really I made a HUGE muck of something that was by all accounts a great trip. Originally when I got a hold of my SO over the seat sales he was totally excited and planning to spend a lot of time with me (Of course I was excited about that who wouldn't be?) While I was at the connecting Air port we talked on the phone and joked around it was all good. Finally, after reaching my wonderful destination my SO was waiting for me for a few hours in the hotel lobby. I cannot explain how much I wanted to jump that poor man. I missed him SOOO much. Anyways when we got up to the room we talked for a bit cuddled and did a few more adult things (lol). After that we had some grub and watched TV while I basically fell asleep after not sleeping for 17+ hoursand then he had to go because he had to drive his mom to the airport early in the morning and with his dad being back at the house (he works abroad) he's under a lot of parental surveillance.

So we said goodbye. Anyways that night we were texting and he had plans during the day on Saturday but promised to see me Saturday night. When Saturday night rolls around he texts me and apologizes for not being able to make our plans. Which is fine... I was just really upset that I wasn't going to see him... he says we'll see each other Sunday. Mistakenly I start a text war and let out all my disappointment and anger out at him via a SMS storm. Afterwards I feel horrible but I let my emotions get the best of me and I acknowledge that. Coincidentally neither of us are really up for hanging out Sunday and I don't text him until the evening. Monday, and Tuesday we also fight because we don't get to see one another because he works and where my hotel is was pretty much the furthest I could get from him at last minute. About Two hours away...

Anyways the one question I think I asked him several times a day when I was there was "Do you wanna break up?" and he kept saying "No". On my last night I asked him and he said "No". I don't respond because I literally send the text before I hopped into bed and passed out and wake up... and almost miss my flight. Instead of taking transit to the airport like planning I had to order a taxi and demand he speeds. Y'know the person they call on the PA system to board a plane? That was me.

Anyways when I land in MA, I read his response and it says "No, do you?" and I respond "No". Finally though after not hearing from him I ask him "What are we?" and he responds to me that he doesn't know. Which hurt so I just responded with "I wish you the best" and then sent him this long spiel of how he's great and how much I love him but I understand etc..

Which after a few days of breathing and doing my own thing (I even had a date on Saturday).... I miss him. Not a "I wish it worked out miss" but I don't want to not be without him. What the hell do I do?

[cymlee]

So did him texting that he didn't know what you were anymore signal the end of the relationship? Have you talked since you sent him the long spiel? It seems like you were just let down about your trip and that he probably felt bad about canceling plans, but it doesn't seem like enough to end things, especially if neither of you wanted to break up. I think you two just need to find time to talk things out, possibly over Skype. There are some conversations I think should happen over the phone, not through text, if you can't talk in person. This is one of them.

[Zapookie]

Agree with cymlee. Why didn't you talk over the phone rather than texting?

Call him when you can and actually speak to each other properly about this. Voice your concerns about how you were let down and explain how you were feeling at the time, and apologise if you feel you need to. Then let him talk too. Then you can decide where this is going.

[digitalfever]

We did break up though so...I don't know how to get him back. I sent him a message via facebook apologizing and explaining and asking him if he wouldnt want to talk about it over the phone or skype.

[LoveL]

How serious of a relationship was this before you went out there?
If it was that serious, even if it was a surprise trip, how can he have plans for a Saturday when you are not 3,000 miles away that are so important that he can't come and be with you?

Some of the things I read on here just boggle my mind. And I'm not being personal.
If two people are in a serious relationship, and they've had to endure the hardship of living LDR for long stretches of time, what on Earth could possible keep them from being together for a few days? What in life is so much more important that you can't make time for each other?

You don't break up with someone via text.

How old are you guys? It sounds like there are some communication issues that need to be worked out, and phone calls and Skype are one of them. Don't ever start a text war with someone that you care about. They are incredibly impersonal. If you know that both of you are sitting face to face with your phones and can write long messages, then it's about the same as an instant messenger. But most people text using short, abrupt little quibs and those generally feel colder and hurt more than anything you can possibly say when you take the time to really explain your own position and take the time to listen the other persons.

To answer the questions you asked, all you can do is apologize for the way you acted and wait for him to return the contact. You also deserve an apology from him. He should have made time. (I've told LoveJ 100 times, if we were within even 8 hours of driving you bet your ass I would be there every weekend.) If he doesn't get back in touch with you, then you know how invested he is in you. If he cares at all, he'll get back in touch. If he doesn't, then you know how serious things were to begin with.

Communication is key to any relationship, CD or LD. If you can't talk about stuff, and talk rationally and calmly, or at least have the patience to wait out the irrational stuff, then you're going to have some issues. You have to be able to communicate and be willing to listen to all the parties involved.

Sorry it went down like that. Keep your eyes focused forward. If you both care and want it to happen, then you'll make it work.

[lala]

Believe it or not but I think I can understand you.. You wanted to surprise him with your visit, and I'm sure you planed everything and had things and situations already on your mind. You described how the first day was soo amazing and that you both enjoyed it. But like you said, he has a job!! That is his priority. With a job he makes money, he needs it for life.. You seem to be a really direct person and so you let your SO know your opinion of im not having enough time. You were upset.. but did you every think a second about if he felt the same? I'm sure he would have rather be with you than going to work.. You were hurt and had no other way to show it than to hurt him.. I can understand why you react like ths. You had expactations.. and your plan didn't work out like you wanted it. In addition I think you have a big pride and you don't want people (your SO) to see that you're weak and so you play the strong woman..
when you asked him if he wants to break up he said NO.. I think because he LOVES you! But you blew everything out of proportion and acted very emotionally. I think he got hurt by your behaviour.. maybe it's YOU who wants to break up? Or maybe you just made a BIG mistake? I personally think you need some time to think about the past days..and TALK to him. Be honest tell him about your feelings.. I hope you can talk things out!

[digitalfever]

Believe it or not but I think I can understand you.. You wanted to surprise him with your visit, and I'm sure you planed everything and had things and situations already on your mind. You described how the first day was soo amazing and that you both enjoyed it. But like you said, he has a job!! That is his priority. With a job he makes money, he needs it for life.. You seem to be a really direct person and so you let your SO know your opinion of im not having enough time. You were upset.. but did you every think a second about if he felt the same? I'm sure he would have rather be with you than going to work.. You were hurt and had no other way to show it than to hurt him.. I can understand why you react like ths. You had expactations.. and your plan didn't work out like you wanted it. In addition I think you have a big pride and you don't want people (your SO) to see that you're weak and so you play the strong woman..
when you asked him if he wants to break up he said NO.. I think because he LOVES you! But you blew everything out of proportion and acted very emotionally. I think he got hurt by your behaviour.. maybe it's YOU who wants to break up? Or maybe you just made a BIG mistake? I personally think you need some time to think about the past days..and TALK to him. Be honest tell him about your feelings.. I hope you can talk things out!

To be very honest the disappointment of really wanting to be around him and spend time with him got the better of me. I felt really rejected and a bit like I wasn’t a priority. I wasn’t “mad” per say but hurt. The first day was so amazing and I think I got caught up in the fact that the whole trip would be like that.

I get that he has a job. And to be honest after thinking about it I love him more than anything I was just to upset and acting emotional that I really didn’t know how to deal with it and I think my inability to talk with him about it got the better of me. I know this sounds stupid but being within 3 hours of someone when you’re normally an ocean apart really got the better of me. I was a ball on anxiety and nervousness for some reason. I handled it immaturely... I so admit that and I need to deal with that about myself.
I sent him a msg over facebook explaining myself and how I feel on Sunday but have yet to hear anything back. I assume he doesn’t feel the same and we’re over...

[lala]

aaaw there you go you are soo cute hehe! I'm the same. When I was CD and had to leave my SO soon I wanted to spend every second with my SO, but he had to work. I got soo upset and everytime I saw him i let him feel that I was mad at him, but he didn't understand why and I didn't want to tell him.maybe I didn't know why I was mad (back then) or maybe I just couldn't explain why I was mad cause I of course knew that he had to work but would rather spend time with me. I could say that it was immature, but to be honest, I still can understand why I acted like this.

Believe me he will respond! Maybe he is hurt and also afraid that you will do the same at the next visit.. He will need time and let him have it. You learned your lesson and hey now you know how much he really meas to you!! Let us know what he wrote..