Ex Problems (I need to vent)

[OLT]

Some people are okay with their SO talking to their ex's, but it really freaking bothers me to no end. Not so much if it was a casual chit chat once in a blue moon, but this has become a couple times a week ordeal. What bothers me even more is the fact that he is not open about talking to his ex. I have been in the wrong and I've been snooping through his accounts, which is how I found out. At first she did not know about me, but one day she asked if he was dating anyone and he was honest and told her he is and she is with someone as well. But even so, it appears as though it bothers her that he is with someone and often probes with questions and tries to aim the conversation in reference to their past. He doesn't seem to do that, which is good, but it really bothered me what he did tonight. He has been without a computer for months and knows I miss talking him online and doing internet related activities. He mentions today, "Maybe tonight after I take a nap, we can play online together." And I was like, "Okay, maybe we can do that!" So tonight rolls around and he is up from his nap and he takes time to get some of his things done and while I'm waiting around for him, I'm texting him. After a while it is taking him about twenty minutes to respond and I wonder what the heck he is doing and come to find out, he is talking with her online! So he starts to sense anger in my texts and gets mad that I was getting mad at him for not doing anything with me. Obviously, I was mad about more than that, but I did't want to bring up that I'm snooping in his conversations. So he plays it off as though I'm making a big deal and he was innocently cleaning his room the whole time. It is so much crap and makes me angry that not only is he keeping this a secret, he is lieing to me about what he is doing while he is talking to her, and she is taking priority over time that we were meant to have together. I am so over this ex's remaining friends bullcrap! Maybe, it can work for some people, but I get burned every time with it.

[paranoid]

I'm currently in a somewhat similar situation where my LDR GF talks to and hangs out with some friend of hers. At one point (I think) she told me that she was sleeping but I was suspecting that she was awake the whole time because someone messaged her on skype after I had called her a few mins later (this person left shortly afterwards). When I had called her, she IM'd me first before picking up, so I think something was up, at the very least. I don't necessarily know the full details of their friendship/relationship but they are probably exes or something...I dunno. It makes me go crazy thinking about it because of all things, (I think) she lied to me. And I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy and paranoid but the story just didn't add up.

Anyway, sorry for going on a tangent. But yeah, I feel you and hope your situation gets better. /hugs

[prinzeza87]

My SO talks to his ex n I talk to my ex as well but only regarding my daughter so does my SO .
And we are ok with it n we trust each other, plus pur ex's knows that we are with some one already.

[Malaga]

Even though he's acting shady, it could easily be completely innocent. Start a casual conversation about exes and ask him in an offhand way if he still talks to his ex. The important thing is not to show how upset this makes you, it needs to be as relaxed as possible. If he says yes, maybe he was just afraid to tell you for fear of overreaction. If he outright lies to you, then that's something to worry about.

[lala]

hmm that's a strange situation.. maybe he wants just to have a normal contact with her but is too afraid to hurt you or that you will forbid him to have contact. It sucks knowing that he could talk or chat with you,but he uses the time for another person..especially if this person is his ex. I also think you should ask him..and pray that he is honest to you.
my SO told me once when we had a fight that he stopped having contact with his exes and is not taking any invitations from them because he cares about me.. recently I saw his ex commented on a post on fb.. I am not sure but maybe they have contact. I won't ask him cause I trust him, he can of course have contact with her, altough I don't have any contact to people I dated before I met him..of course if they text me I'll text back-otherwise it would be disrepectful..but I know where the line is..
I think that I can't do anything.. I won't tell him what to do, I just can let him know how I feel about this thing..and if he's smart enough he won't let an ex destroy what we have..

good luck thou..

[DemonxOisin]

My SO left his last ex, who he was with for a good year and a half, only because he moved away from México and doesn´t think he will return. They had no chance to be together, so he thought it best to end it. However, because of that, they remained the best of friends. But I am okay with it ONLY because he is open with me about her. I´ve known from the very beginning that was how it would be with them, and I chose to accept that. I know there is no chance of them getting back together, so why not let them be friends? They had something special, and who am I to cut them off?

But, as I said, it´s important for him to be open about it. It´s not okay for you to go through his stuff like that (But I think you already understand that what you did was wrong). However, if he wants to be friends with an ex, he HAS to make sure that YOU are okay with it. Find a happy medium between you. Tell him you are uncomfortable with it, but also try to understand his point of view.

[Biscous]

I can say that neither of us would be comfortable with talking to each others exes.