Its Over!

[NYlovesFL]

Many of you may not be shocked by this but, NY & FL are no more...

Last week I was starting to see a difference in us. I sat at my computer and wrote him the following e-mail.

Hey Baby,
You don't realize how hard this is for me to say...let alone type.
I care about you, love you very much but, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I am going through a lot here and I don't want to worry about dragging anyone down with me. I am in a bad money situation and I found out this news today and all I wanted was to break down and be held...well breaking down I did but, obviously the getting held part isn't possible.
I know that I will not be able to come and visit you anytime soon...let's face it the way things are going for me, I doubt I can ever get down there to visit. And to be perfectly honest, I am not going to be moving to Florida either. I have too much up here to leave.
I am not trying to be cold hearted or selfish but, lets face it...I have 4 parents up here, my only brother, my 2 grandmothers that aren't healthy, I have tons of friends and even though its way too expensive up here I have a career that I can eventually go places in. I can't just leave all of this behind. And god forbid d if something happened to my grandmothers and I was down in FL and didn't have the money to come back up; I would be devastated and so would my family. Remember I am the one that keeps things together when there is a crisis.
You can move up here, yes your parents are down in FL but, you can get a better JOB up here and the schools in NY are better for your son. You can finally make some friends and etc. I just have too much to leave.
Before you even think it...No, there is no one else in the picture that is making me come to this possible decision.
I have noticed that the distance is not only getting to me but, also to you.
I may sound needy but, I need the person I am going to be in a relationship with me here, in person. To go out with, be there face to face when I need my man there, someone to actually hold, and etc. I am always around couples and it never really bothers me but, now that there is someone is my life (you) it kills me that I can't be with them.
Plus I need to be with someone that is here so I can feel the love more, I connect so much better with someone in person than on a phone or computer. I have been trying so hard not to write this but, if I keep holding these feelings back it would not be fair to you or to me.
I can't be one of those people that wait every so many months in order to see their partner just for a week or less. It would hurt me too much.
I am at the point of my life that if I am going to be involved with someone then there has to be a future.
I am not talking about marriage but, other things. I want kids...I haven't had my family yet. I want 2 kids of my own and I know you are fine with just your son. I would love to be a "step-mom" I would be awesome at it loll but, again I want my family.
I am getting older and lets face it I am not getting any younger..., these are the things I want...I want a man that loves me so much but, one that is here, I want a man that wants to have a family with me, I want that white picket fence house and blah blah blah blah (don't want to get too sentimental).
Baby, I am really sorry...I don't want to break up but, at the same time you have to sit back and really look at everything...and ask yourself.... Is there really a future for us or are we just trying to recapture something from years ago?
I don't want to loose you from my life but, I don't know if this relationship can continue...
I am sorry I am not strong enough....
Love
Andrea


Don't think negative of me, i believe in LDRs but, apparently i am not strong enough for one....

SO i guess thats it.

[snow_girl]

I would have at least given him the courtesy of a phone call. Breaking up over email is a cop out.

That being said I hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck.

[lala]

oh sweety, this brought tears to my eyes! I don't know what to say... I don't know your story, but from this what you wrote: YOU ARE NOT WEAK!! There has to be sooooo much strenght in this decission you took! I don't know your problems.. but I'm sure you thought about this really good and made up that this is the best for you both! I wish you the very best! Stay strong!

[Xanahtas]

LDR's arent for everyone, its a lot of work to keep going and some people just cant cope with it, and thats fine. Im so sorry about all of this, must have been so hard to do it. I think emailling is a good way to get your feelings out because i know when im on the phone, i just cant get words out. But maybe call him up to reinforce what your email said and just to let him talk. He might have things to say.
We're all here for you, and im always here if you need to talk
Wish you all the best, and good luck with the future x *hugs*

[lucybelle]

Agree with snow_girl.. you broke up through email? *shakes head*

I'm glad you did what was right for you. Take care of yourself.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

You have to do what's best for you. Not everyone is cut out for an LDR. You gave it your best. I'm sorry it didn't work out. =[ *hugs*

[dukes2011]

Sorry it didn't work out, but I wish you the best in your future. I definitely agree with Xanahtas that a phone call would be good so you can have more closure and so that he can share his viewpoint. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out!

[kittyo9]

I'm glad you are taking steps to fulfill your own happiness and moving forward with your life. I do think you should have called, though. One of my exes broke up with me via email and it was awful. I wouldn't believe him until he talked to me on the phone about it. He broke up with me via email because he didn't want to hear me cry, but really, an email cannot do justice to this kind of event. There are some things you would say in an email (unintentionally) that you would not say in a phone call.

[floridaellen]

I'm glad you are taking steps to fulfill your own happiness and moving forward with your life. I do think you should have called, though. One of my exes broke up with me via email and it was awful. I wouldn't believe him until he talked to me on the phone about it. He broke up with me via email because he didn't want to hear me cry, but really, an email cannot do justice to this kind of event. There are some things you would say in an email (unintentionally) that you would not say in a phone call.

I agree. My only ex broke up with me over instant messenging and I wouldn't believe him until he called me. He didn't want to hear me cry because it would hurt him but I did not have closure without the phone call, which wasn't fair to me.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Not everyone is cut out for a LDR.

[Tooki]

I agree about the email being a cop-out. I feel a breakup needs to be done live.

And good luck with what life brings you champ.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

At least you didn't drag it on when you realized you weren't willing to be in an LDR. That shows that you respect both your ex-SO and yourself.

But to do it over email? That's cold.

[Biscous]

It'd be great if you're able to tell him all this in person instead of an impersonal way as email. You two at one point were one so you at least owe him that.

[Jezah]

Ouch, the breakup email. I mean its better than the txt message breakup, or the post it breakup...but still...ouch. He deserves a call if you really loved him. I have been on the receiving end of a break up IM and I was so shocked by it I could NOT accept it until he called. Its like this wall of text coming at you at 60 mph and it hits like a brick. He essentially just had to listen to you dish all your issues and was unable to offer any input or replies.

That said, sorry it did not work and I hope you find what you want out of life. All the best

[BabyDimples]

Regarding a few other comments ~ I quite often write a really big long email or message to my boyfriend about how I am feeling. No, he can't input his comments and opinions, but instead we work our way through it slowly at the end. THere is absaloutly nothing wrong with breaking up with him the way that you did. You didn't just send him a short email not explaining anything. You explained exactly how you were/are feeling.

I think that through email was the best way for you. You had so much to say, and through a phone call you wouldn't have been able to say it all. With him interuptting, he may have gotten mad and hung up the phone, he may have guilt tripped you into staying, the list is endless. If it was a short email that you sent him, then I would agree with some of the others. But a long email shows that you are putting down what you want to say carefully, that you are trying to make him understand as best as you can, and also, it gives him a chance to re-read it and look over things more. If you had told him all of that over the phone, then he wouldn't have been able to take it all in and it would all be one big garbled mess because he of his emotions at the time and trying to maybe say to himself that it wasn't true. Well done, and good luck with whatever you do. I know that it must have been hard for you to do. Stay strong and keep your chin up! I hope that you find what you are looking for in life

[CKJS]

I'm sorry things didn't work out. He might have had his own reasons for not moving. You said he had a son? Well there could be issues with his son's mom. Or even his parents. I don't know if he's close to them or not. But I hope you have an amazing future. I hope you might be able to call him though and just see if he's alright