So frustrated and upset

[CynicalQuixotic]

As I've probably mentioned before, I'm applying to grad school programs in Paris in order to hopefully close the distance by the end of the summer. As sort of a back-up plan, I also applied for the TAPIF (Teaching Assistant Program in France), and I heard back from them today. I was wait listed.

Even though I know this isn't an outright rejection, and even though it sort of makes sense that I wasn't admitted straightaway (I have very little teaching experience), I'm still crushed. Being on the wait list, there's pretty much 0 chance I will be placed in Paris, and while living elsewhere in France would be better than being separated by an ocean, it would still seem like two steps forward and one step back after being separated for a year. Also, my French professor really built me up as a shoe-in and told me that everyone who has ever applied at my university has been accepted, and now I get to be the first exception.

Also, as irrational as it is, I can't help but feel like this is a bad omen. If I didn't get into this program, who's to say that any of the graduate programs will accept me? My French is good but not great, my grades took a hit my junior year when I was very depressed, I haven't taken as many literature courses as I could've due to the fact that I concentrated on dance for a long time...I just have so many doubts. I was so looking forward to this as an indicator that I would have an avenue to close the distance, but now I'm just thrust even deeper into the awful uncertainty void until I start hearing back from universities, which could be anywhere from the end of this month at the very earliest until July. I'm just sick of waiting and hoping and my entire future hanging on tenterhooks. It's all so unfair.

[lyonsgirl]

I wish I could tell you exactly what you need to hear right now, but I honestly don't know what to say. When that happens, more hugs are necessary.

You'll be okay-and don't doubt yourself. (A ridiculous statement, coming from me...) But you will be okay. And you're going to hate me for saying this, but everything happens for a reason. The waiting period is there because there is something better for you-I know it. What "it" is, I have no idea. But it's there.

[lucybelle]

I don't know if this is the first time you've been rejected from something, but that might be why you're so upset. When I was applying to study abroad, I was rejected from the first program I applied to. And I was so upset. Who are they to tell me what I can and cannot do?

All you can do now is recover and wait for grad school news. Hope for the best and try not to stress out too much. If you don't get into the grad program, is there another option for going to France? Could you even just go for 6 months just to see how things work? And maybe in that time you could find another school to apply to.

Best wishes. I know how frustrating this must be!

[CynicalQuixotic]

I don't know if this is the first time you've been rejected from something, but that might be why you're so upset. When I was applying to study abroad, I was rejected from the first program I applied to. And I was so upset. Who are they to tell me what I can and cannot do?

All you can do now is recover and wait for grad school news. Hope for the best and try not to stress out too much. If you don't get into the grad program, is there another option for going to France? Could you even just go for 6 months just to see how things work? And maybe in that time you could find another school to apply to.

Best wishes. I know how frustrating this must be!

What makes you think this is the first time I was rejected from something? The reason why I'm so upset is because I was looking forward to having this program as an option if I were to be rejected from grad school, and now that I'm wait-listed, it makes me nervous. I'm not the best with uncertainty.

Also, I wish I could just go to France and see what pans out, but I wouldn't be able to legally work and I would just be a drain on either my parents' or JP's resources. Even if I could find under the table work, I don't think it would be enough to support myself. Also, I don't want to risk overstaying a tourist visa and getting banned from the EU. (I don't know how often this actually happens, but it was the one significant thing I took from Like Crazy. )

[lademoiselle]

I wish I'd been around yesterday evening! I'll be in touch with you as soon as I can, okay?

[Softy]

If you think that the fight is over, you have already lost.
Don't give up on things you want to do in life.
Never let anyone of anything bring you down.

If you don't get it now maybe you will later or somewhere else.

Cheer up : )

[mllebamako]

Aww sorry to hear about this I know how frustrating it can be trying to do these international moves with jobs and visas and what not.

I did the TAPIF program and I know how many applicants there are for not so many spots. I also know a lot of people who came after being on the waitlist. And honestly, the chances of getting Paris aren't that great anyways, waitlist or not.
I really hope that the grad programs work out for you! When will you find out?

[Rach321]

I did the TAPIF program as well. It's been about 6 years ago now, but did you indicate that your preference was for Paris in the application? It's possible that's the reason for your waitlisting, since so many people want to be in Paris. So it doesn't mean you're not a good candidate. They probably just had too many people who wanted to be there. I know the person who was in my lycee after me was just accepted again for the program. I wonder if they give preference for the most desirable locations to people doing a second contract???

I'm sending very good thoughts for your acceptance to the graduate programs. And like mllebamako said, it's still possible you'll be accepted for TAPIF. Don't give up hope yet!

[Moon]

I don't have advice, since I really know nothing about this, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to deal with it, and even if this particular avenue is closed, you'll find another. Necessity is the mother of invention, and all that Take care.

[CynicalQuixotic]

mllebamako and Rach321: I did know getting placed in Paris was a long shot (it said on the website that only the best/most qualified applicants would get placed in Paris, which it is obvious now that I'm not), but I figured it was worth trying. I did indicate it as my first preference and the académies of Orléans and Rouen as my second and third choices, so I figured if not in Paris, I could be close to it. I'm just going to wait and see if/when/where I'm placed off of the wait list--I do know there's a good chance, which does make me feel better--and if I don't get into any grad programs (which I know is unlikely, but I still worry,) at least I will be in France. I hear from grad schools anywhere from the end of this month to July.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your support. I know I just have to keep my chin up, hope for the best, and wait for the universities' decisions, but I'm just a ball of nerves.

[lucybelle]

What makes you think this is the first time I was rejected from something? The reason why I'm so upset is because I was looking forward to having this program as an option if I were to be rejected from grad school, and now that I'm wait-listed, it makes me nervous. I'm not the best with uncertainty.

Also, I wish I could just go to France and see what pans out, but I wouldn't be able to legally work and I would just be a drain on either my parents' or JP's resources. Even if I could find under the table work, I don't think it would be enough to support myself. Also, I don't want to risk overstaying a tourist visa and getting banned from the EU. (I don't know how often this actually happens, but it was the one significant thing I took from Like Crazy. )

Man I was just guessing. When I was in college and I applied for something (jobs, scholarships, programs, etc), I got it. Because I work my ass off to get the things I want. And then when I applied to this study abroad thing and they rejected me, I felt so enraged that someone was telling me "no". So I was guessing that some of your anger was coming from that.

And you should try to just move to France and see what happens. That's what my SO did when he moved to the USA with me and what I did when I came down here. Things work out. Like I said, I work my ass off to get the things I want.