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    #1

    I spend every visit like this...

    It's getting old.

    I spend every visit on an emotional roller coaster courtesy of my SO. He'll be nice and sweet and absolutely the perfect boyfriend for about the first twelve hours and then the asshole switch gets flipped and he'll say something that just hurts or pisses me off. I then spend the rest of the visit either braced for the next asshole moment, which makes me kind of cold and distant, or mad at him. I've tried to explain myself to him countless times because we have frequent visits, but he never seems to see the problem or want to work to change it. Like today, I made him six eggs for breakfast, not a lot but a thank you would have been nice. Instead I got some comment about how I got some eggshell in it. It hurt my feelings honestly and when I asked him later if it would kill him to say something nic or say something like that nicer, he said it would actually kill him and that he's an ass in order to keep me in my toes. All said sarcastically, so I know he didn't really mean it, but still all I wanted and needed at that point was some kind of apology, something, anything. We have our problems with communication as it and stuff like that which he admits to as his faults in the area, don't help anything.

    I'm sick and tired of getting what I think is going to be a nice loving visit and then getting disappointed once and then having to brace myself to avoid further disappointment, which just ends up ruining the rest of my visit. And then I am so braced for the bad moments that I miss the good ones. How can I get him to finally take me seriously?
    ". . . We obviously have to come to accept it, but that doesn't stop it from gnawing at us day by day.
    The best we can do is enjoy our time together, anticipate our reunions, and remain passionate and loyal through distance." ~Mike <3



    ~*~11.21.2010~*~
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    #2
    Ive felt the same way. I don't really know what advice can i give except try to better your communication. I understand that it wouldn't kill him to be nice and avoid rude comments to make u feel bad. When you express your feelings try not to be attacking so he doesn't come with the a** reaction.Try communicating and working things out if then he still doesn't take you seriously maybe don't visit as often. Take time to be indifferent maybe something is bothering him. Why is he acting that way?

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      #3
      He's admitted to being resentful of the distance, even after all this time, so that's part of it I think. Resentful to the pointnwhere he doesn't want to be close duringna visit because it's oly temporary. And the visits coincide with my school breaks which happen fairly often, so I'm home. He lives with my grandparents so there's no way to not see him when I'm home.

      And honestly the more I sit and think about the more I see a deeper underlying problem, way too complicated and personal for the forum though. I think I may try to talk to him about it later tonight, he's doing work now. I'll update once we have that talk.
      ". . . We obviously have to come to accept it, but that doesn't stop it from gnawing at us day by day.
      The best we can do is enjoy our time together, anticipate our reunions, and remain passionate and loyal through distance." ~Mike <3



      ~*~11.21.2010~*~

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        #4
        Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a sucky situation

        You said you've tried explaining yourself to him, but have you asked him WHY he says these kinds of things, or WHY he acts like that? Did you tell him how it makes you feel when he says those hurtful things? Maybe you should ask him to think about it before he makes a snarky remark at you.

        I find that sarcasm is often more hurtful and offensive than not, and sarcasm really should have no place within a relationship. It's not very nice, and I've found that people who are sarcastic usually have some kind of insecurity, but they have a superiority complex and try to act tough/mean to hide that. I used to be a very sarcastic person but one day I realised that it made me look like a bitch. Seriously haha. So I stopped, and it took a while for me to stop because it was ingrained in my head to always come back with some witty/sarcastic remark. I also think that sarcasm towards someone shows lack of respect towards that person, because its like.. you think they're dumb or something so you make that remark to belittle them.

        So please, talk to him about it and let him know how hurtful it is! And if that's just the way he is and he isn't willing to change, then you have to ask yourself if this is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by Zapookie View Post
          Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a sucky situation

          You said you've tried explaining yourself to him, but have you asked him WHY he says these kinds of things, or WHY he acts like that? Did you tell him how it makes you feel when he says those hurtful things? Maybe you should ask him to think about it before he makes a snarky remark at you.

          I find that sarcasm is often more hurtful and offensive than not, and sarcasm really should have no place within a relationship. It's not very nice, and I've found that people who are sarcastic usually have some kind of insecurity, but they have a superiority complex and try to act tough/mean to hide that. I used to be a very sarcastic person but one day I realised that it made me look like a bitch. Seriously haha. So I stopped, and it took a while for me to stop because it was ingrained in my head to always come back with some witty/sarcastic remark. I also think that sarcasm towards someone shows lack of respect towards that person, because its like.. you think they're dumb or something so you make that remark to belittle them.

          So please, talk to him about it and let him know how hurtful it is! And if that's just the way he is and he isn't willing to change, then you have to ask yourself if this is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life.
          Speak for yourself on the sarcasm front. Sarcasm is pretty much the lifeblood of my relationship. Both JP and I have very dry, snarky senses of humor--to censor ourselves in front of each other would just be odd. We're completely comfortable with telling the other person if they've gone too far--it's happened before on both sides--but now we have a very good understanding of the other and this hardly happens. I have my insecurities, but I promise, sarcasm isn't how they come out.

          Otherwise, I agree with everything you've said. Mike'sGirl, your SO is being very immature. The distance isn't anybody's fault, and he shouldn't be taking out his frustrations on you. I definitely think a talk in in order, and I hope you two sort things out.

          Comment

            #6
            I'm really sarcastic myself, it's how my family is. It's our sense of humor. So I don't find things wrong with it very often, but you are right there is a time and place for it. And when it's something like this, it really has no place. I have no problems with it any other time, just when it gets thrown into discussions like this is when it's bugs me and I know why he does it, he finds it difficult to express his thoughts, so he's sarcastic to bide his time. He's gotten slightly better at it, but it is definitely frustrating.
            ". . . We obviously have to come to accept it, but that doesn't stop it from gnawing at us day by day.
            The best we can do is enjoy our time together, anticipate our reunions, and remain passionate and loyal through distance." ~Mike <3



            ~*~11.21.2010~*~

            Comment

              #7
              So to update:

              After we talked the night I posted this, we were okay. We were a bit testy with each other on Easter Sunday but we talked about that too. It came to the point that while we both know what we want (i.e. To be together, marry, etc) when it comes to visits we're on two different pages. I want them to be pefect, I pysch myself up for them and when they miss the mark I was hoping for I get testy. He's always an asshole and sarcastic with me, I can typically ignore it and I usually do, but with my "perfect visit" mindset I take it all literally and personally. He on the other hand, sees visits as a passing tease and doesn't want to get to attached because it is so temporary. He doesn't do well with the distance at all. We're done with visits at this point, because next time we see each other I'll be home for the summer for four months. We've agreed to find a nice middle ground for the next round of visits. We're going to be okay.
              ". . . We obviously have to come to accept it, but that doesn't stop it from gnawing at us day by day.
              The best we can do is enjoy our time together, anticipate our reunions, and remain passionate and loyal through distance." ~Mike <3



              ~*~11.21.2010~*~

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