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[Mona]

Hey you,
I'm new here and I just have to explain the whole situation to some people who actually can understand becuase they are in the same.
So.. I live in Germany and I study Social Works here. My SO just finished his Bachelor and got an amazing job offer from Samoa. (which is 15.000km away and 11h time differnece) He is supposed to take over his parents hotel here in Germany so he wanted to do something apart from all these dutys and without any help - so he tool the offer and now he's gone. For at least a year.
It's been only 2 weeks now but I guess the beginning is the hardest part. We've seen each other pretty much every day before he left and it is especially hard when I go to bed in the evenings. I'm trying to get distraction and that works out pretty good - during the day. But at some point you have to come home in the empty rooms and go to sleep in the empty bed.
In the moment I am feeling okay (I'm planning my next vacation) but it is possible that I feel horrible in an hour. Is that normal - do you know this?
Sometimes I also get mad and really mean sometimes and cant get rid of the feeling he "kinda left me here alone". I know this is not true becuase hes trying everything for all this to work out but in some moments I just cant think reasonable and my thoughts are doing what they want.
Anybody understands me?
I would be really thankful to all of you for some kind words. Is it getting better with time?

[alesitag]

Welcome to LFAD!!

You're not alone!! I dare to say everybody here has been there... having the feeling of being left alone, getting angry, tired, sad, crying like a baby... You'll find this forum really helpful.

You're doing great actually... keeping yourself busy helps a lot, and planning for future visits gives you something to look forward.

And about the mood swings, yeah... that happens to me a lot... I go from pure happiness to feeling miserable. i cannot say if it gets better with time, since I've been with my SO for only 2 moths and a week, but I guess you never stop missing the person, you just find your own ways to cope with his/her absence...

I really hope you like it here!!!

[Captivated]

Welcome!

I agree with the poster above. Keeping busy really does help. But I do understand that there a moments when there will be nothing to do, like at night. Those are the hardest for me also. I just got back from visiting my love and it's been so tough. Skype and phone calls also help but I suppose the 11 hour difference doesn't make it that easy?

How long will he be away?

[SDPersona]

Welcome!

Yes, the beginning is definitely the hardest part. I remember that I was like you, when I left my SO to go back to my hometown a bit over a year ago. I felt the worst the first few days - there's this very keen loss - and I steadily got better at dealing with, but the ache and longing never completely goes away until you're united again. Also, even if you're keeping busy and the ache at bay by keeping contact with your SO, sometimes it'll just hit you and then you're bawling and worrying again. At least I'm that way. I'm glad that my SO deals with me being that way by being his ever optimistic self. I do have to say that this attitude annoys me slightly because whenever he counters my being morose with his dose of "cheering charm" I always feel stupid for ever feeling that way afterwards. *sigh*

[Softy]

Welcome! : )

In the moment I am feeling okay (I'm planning my next vacation) but it is possible that I feel horrible in an hour. Is that normal - do you know this?Anybody understands me?

I think a lot of us can relate to that yes.

Is it getting better with time?

I would personally think not. When you love someone and he/she is away from you it's normal to be missing him/her.
And the day that it stops bothering you, the day you stop caring means that there isn't much lover there.

So yes, it's difficult.
Myself i have LOTS of ups and downs concerning my relationship with my love.
Some days I cheer and motivate myself, saying that 'I can do this' 'We don't have that long to wait' and I'm perfectly happy and fine.
Some other days I get home, close the door behind be and burst out in tears because it's so difficult to be away.

it's normal, it's part of the deal
And like my bf says all the time: ' Baby, keep strong! It's worth it!'

[Mona]

Thank you all so much
It's very comforting to see that I am not the only person on earth feeling that way (altough I don't want anybody else to be sad). My friends try her best but they don't REALLY get it.
Oh yes Skype - that's such a thing - we tried a few times but mostly it's only working for a few minutess (the internet connection in Samoa is not really the best but he is trying to figure it out.)
Can anybody of you tell me how to not be so angry. He is having a rough time too over there being away from home and I do not want to spend the few times we talk with arguing and reproaching. Plus I always regret these things I said afterwards (sometimes I can get really bitchy because I don't know how to handle this whole situation....)
to Captivated: He will be away at least a year (he signed up a one year job contract but when he works good he will probably get a longer one)
Thank you again for your answers - I was really glad to read them.
I wish you all the best.
Mona

[Softy]

There is no way to 'not be angry'
Being angry is an emotion, it's normal and it's human.

However you can control how you let that out.
When you start feeling angry, talk to someone or write here.
Or do some activity that makes you spend energy a lot, then there won't be any left to be 'angry'.
Like maybe a sport, or simply go talk a walk outside ( a good one, like 30 minutes walk at least).

Even if it's anger, it's not good to repress it.
Live it, spend energy and then feel better

cheers

[LoveL]

How long has he been gone so far? Just a couple of weeks, is that right?

I would spend some of my downtime looking for ways to send him a gift. It might take forever to get through customs but that would make a nice gesture.
Also, you might want to check the internet to see if there are any shops in Samoa that have a website so that you can order something online and then have it delivered from the local store.

The easiest way to keep from feeling miserable and down all the time is to keep a strong line of communication. It makes things a lot easier. If you can't Skype, find a way to write a little loving e-mail every day. It doesn't have to be much. But you both need to get your feelings out and stay close. Write physical letters and mail them if you have to.

An 11 hour time difference is a big deal. You guys will have to work extra hard in order to stay connected but it can be done.

Don't repress your feelings. If you feel angry about something, let it out. (Not to him just yet) Write down all of your mad thoughts and just hate everything about the distance and get it out of your system for the time being. Punch and kick and scream if you have to. Then, when you talk to him, you will be able to handle it a little better.

Good luck.