Slipping away?

[silverdragons502]

Hey everyone !

First off, I'll start by giving a summary of the situation I'm currently facing:

To make a long story short, my boyfriend of 1 year has left to go backpacking and work in Australia for 8 months. I knew he was leaving when we met and he asked me several times to tag along but seeing as I'm a student I was unable due to school and financially. Before he left we had many discussions of what will happen to our relationship during his trip. He always told me that he didn't want to lose me, that he loved me and that he really wanted us to remain a couple and that he wants us to move in together afterwards.

He used to call me about once or twice a week and he's been really sweet. I'm so happy for him that he's living one of his dreams even though its been pretty difficult and I miss him like crazy. However, his calls are becoming less and less frequent (haven't heard from him in nearly 2 weeks) and he doesn't write on Facebook anymore, even though he updates his page. He's been gone 3 months and I'm scared that his feelings are slowly vanishing and the thought of losing him tears me up inside. I hate not knowing. I just wish I could be sure that when he comes back everything will be perfect like before his trip..

Now I'd like to know everyone's thoughts and opinions.. Should I stop worrying? Or should I give up? What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Do you think that feelings can disappear because of the lack of physical contact? If they do, do you think they can come back when the couple reunites?

Sorry my post is a bit long I guess I really needed to vent.. I'm a huge mess right now =(

[Yaaamiii]

Have you tried getting in contact with him? Perhaps telling him what's bothering you? I understand the feeling, but I think that just because there is a lack of physical contact, that doesn't really mean that feelings disappear. That's how some of us have been in LDR's for a few years and still are in love with their SO. Like I said, have you tried actually talking to your SO, to tell him what's bugging you?

[kirbycat]

I would give him the benefit of the doubt for a little while longer. Having been in a somewhat similar situation as your boyfriend, of traveling and working short-term in a different country, I can say it's quite easy to lose track of the days and things going on back home, even with the people you love the most. He's in the middle of a big exciting adventure, and the intensity of such an experience can easily overwhelm one's thoughts of those left behind. That doesn't mean he cares for you any less - it's just that he has a lot of challenges and excitement to tackle immediately at hand. Or who knows, maybe he left his phone sitting under a bush somewhere in the outback and hasn't been near anywhere that he can make an international call from!

I know it can be really tough to be the one sitting at home waiting by the phone, with no idea what he's doing, who he's with, or if he's even safe...but that's no reason to give up. Hopefully you'll hear from him soon, and when you do, try not to be too accusatory about his lack of contact. If he's been on the road, most likely the time's just slipped away from him. In my opinion, the best you can do is just give him room to enjoy this adventure. But it's also okay to tell him that it worries you to not hear from him regularly, and to let him know just how much that regular contact means to you.

And naturally, he will be coming home a changed person; things won't be "perfect" like they were before. But hopefully it will be a change for the better, not just for him but for you as well!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I went backpacking in Australia, and there are areas where internet/phone signal just... aren't there. I remember being on Fraser Island, and there being a slightly hilly bit, where we had signal at the peak. However, it was off track, so we were in the car. We managed to get through some texts to our phones when we hit the top, and then all of three seconds after we'd driven over the top... no signal again. It's frustrating, but sometimes you do have to pick which family/friend gets a text, and you don't know when you'll have signal or internet again to text someone else.
Obviously, you have to talk to him about how you're feeling, but he might be just as frustrated and upset as you, because he can't actually get a message through to you. Although it's sucky, I hope that this is the case.
Good Luck!

[LilyChiba]

Yeah Australia's signals are definitely not the best. Even with Telstra (who are pretty much the best for signal here), that can be choppy even in the most populated areas! I have troubles where I live and its a tourist destination, not too far from Fraser Is haha. And when you can only legally have one employer for a max of six months, it is very easy to lose track of what's going on, specially in a foreign country. I'd go with what the others are saying, tell him how ya feel.

[temporaryuser]

Really, he is out backpacking. i am sure as others stated, signals arent great. And he is probly exhauisted.
Keep yourself busy. Until you talk to him, there is no point in speculating, as it will only increase your fears, making that first time you talk to him really bad instead of really good.

[Softy]

I'm sure there is nothing to be worried about sweets
He said he loves you and would be back for you.
As other said, there are many reasons possible for him contacting you less.

Speculations will only make you go crazy and will only hurt you.
Just believe in him, in your couple.
If trust is there, on both side, you will get through this just fine.

Yes 'the wait' is never pleasant, keep urself busy and come and talk to us from time to time.

cheers

[lucybelle]

Even though he is out doing his thing, he should still be aware of your feelings. He should be able to write you at least once a week. And if he knows he'll be in an area without internet services, he should tell you beforehand. Instead of coming off as clingy tell him you want weekly updates on the things he's doing! Tell him you're jealous he's out having fun and you want to live vicariously through him. I don't think weekly updates are too much to ask for. Just a simple paragraph of what he's been doing takes all of 5 minutes to write. He has 5 minutes.

[LoveL]

If he is updating his facebook status and not responding to your posts and/or e-mails or something then he has enough signal and his priorities are just a little out of whack.

Don't add anything personal or try and make it sound like a pity party, but I would copy and paste everything that you just wrote to us about how you feel leave him a message on facebook, e-mail or whatever. As long as her has heard it from the horses mouth, he can't make excuses and pretend to not know how you were feeling.

[Bramo]

I really struggled when my parter went away the first time when I didn't hear but I agree with most people above, I know it's hard to be the one left at home but you need to tell them but not too much pressure on it. Just explain how you miss him and that it would be great to hear from him.
If you're like me then the thing that's killing you is not being a part of it so explain this. I'm sure he hasn't lost interest he's probably just busy.
Hope everything works out for you.

[floridaellen]

Even though he is out doing his thing, he should still be aware of your feelings. He should be able to write you at least once a week. And if he knows he'll be in an area without internet services, he should tell you beforehand. Instead of coming off as clingy tell him you want weekly updates on the things he's doing! Tell him you're jealous he's out having fun and you want to live vicariously through him. I don't think weekly updates are too much to ask for. Just a simple paragraph of what he's been doing takes all of 5 minutes to write. He has 5 minutes.

I agree with lucybelle, as usual :P