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    #1

    Advice, answers, anything would b appreciated

    Well I've been talking to this guy recently and I guess we've already reached some kind of bump in the road. Like he said to me that he feels like I make myself sound "slow" or "dumb" because I don't give myself the chance to do something without asking for assistance. Like when I first met him & I called him it was because I didn't know how to get to his house & he felt like I should just know.. Like I should mapquest it & find my way there & be a "go getter" as he said. He feels like I shouldn't just take the easy way out & that I should give myself a chance to do something without asking for help so soon before I even can try it. I mean I do agree with him that from time to time I can just ask ppl for information or help with things because I just do.. I don't know why I do it it's just a habit. & like I guess I felt bad because the way he was speaking to me like he wasn't being mean about it he was just speaking out loud to me and explaining that I've been doing this ever since we met. He was like "Oh I don't know if I'd want to be with somebody who is always going to be taught how to do things & doesn't know how to just do it on their own." & like I understand what he's saying.. I'm 19.. he's 26.. It's just, I feel like he's jumping the gun because he's saying this because I asked him for directions to his house & because I told him I was going to get a job & I didn't get any applications till friday and he was like "Don't make yourself sound like a go getter if your not because it makes you sound like you are "stupid". He wasn't calling me stupid he was just saying I don't give myself the chance to want to learn or try to learn. I understood what he was saying & I really do want to work on this because I don't want him to feel like I don't want to strive to learn things or take iniciative to do things on my own, yah know? I was just wondering though... in some ways I feel that he may be taking this a little bit over the top. We've only known eachother for 3 weeks and he's already making judgements.. Like I said to him like I think your making a big deal about this because I was just asking for directions & I just like to ask people questions because I like to know people have my back especially if your my boyfriend. I guess I feel like he's making it sound like he doesn't want to be bothered to explain simple things to me if that's what I want, yah know what I mean? I want to bring this back up to him but I want to have a good case to bring back up to him because whenever I discuss things with people I always get side tracked from what they say & lose my direct focus for the discussion. thank you to all who read this
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    #2
    This does not sound like someone I would invest anymore time in. You said you "just started talking to him" and yet he is expecting you to be a mind reader.

    I was talking with a man (I do not call it dating since we only met once and trying to get together for our next 2 dates was a nightmare) but anyhow, he pulled this same crap on me by just telling me "Meet me at The Starbucks on X street" and I would say "But there are two there, which one?" he would respond "You should just know which one". This was total BS because I had only lived in this city for a year and I was not familiar with that side of town at all, only that when I did look it up on GPS, 2 Starbucks appeared. Needless to say, after he finally gave in and told me which one, I was already mentally checked out and suddenly found him extremely unattractive, so I told him I was no longer interested.

    I think any man that is going to play games like this or imply that you are slow or dumb is not a man worth continuing to get to know. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who respects you right from the get-go.

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      #3
      This!

      Originally posted by FierceFoxie View Post
      This does not sound like someone I would invest anymore time in. You said you "just started talking to him" and yet he is expecting you to be a mind reader.
      And I also think that love is blind, with boys and girls. I think you don't see each others flaws in the beginning or else you would never fall in love. If he allready considers this as a 'flaw' then he probably is 'just not that into you'.
      Last edited by Manoek; April 14, 2012, 05:56 PM.
      \\ Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything //
      \\ happens for a reason //

      \\ We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing //

      \\ When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” //
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        #4
        Originally posted by FierceFoxie View Post
        I think any man that is going to play games like this or imply that you are slow or dumb is not a man worth continuing to get to know. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who respects you right from the get-go.
        Exactly. I also agree with Manoek's comment. Why stay with someone who's not showing you even basic respect, especially so early in the relationship?

        If you're feeling insecure over his remarks about your asking for directions - don't. Obviously you're perfectly capable of looking up directions or using a map, but you chose the faster option of just calling and asking. In no way does that make you stupid or needy - it just means you're efficient! In fact, for many introverted people (like me), calling someone and admitting you need a little help is the harder option. I usually do everything I can to avoid picking up the phone first!

        It also sounds to me like this guy might have some kind of maturity complex over the fact that he's a few years older than you. There's certainly nothing wrong with a small age gap in a relationship, but you shouldn't be with someone who's not going to respect you as an equal.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by kirbycat View Post
          Obviously you're perfectly capable of looking up directions or using a map, but you chose the faster option of just calling and asking. In no way does that make you stupid or needy - it just means you're efficient!
          This is very true.
          You ARE learning. You ARE a go-getter. You aren't asking anyone to take you by the hand through life. You are finding the answers in the most efficient way possible. Work smarter not harder, right?
          He's also sending mixed signals. "Be a go-getter." "Don't make yourself sound like a go-getter if you're not." Um... what?
          A little criticism, when it makes sense, is a good thing. It helps you see your flaws and become a better person. If it was just him encouraging you to be your own strong, independent person, then that would be fine. But it kind of sounds like this guy is just being a jerk.
          Talk to him about it. Let him know he is upsetting you. If he doesn't respond positively, then maybe it's time to stop talking to this guy.


          Comment

            #6
            Where do you keep finding these bad apples? .. no, seriously though. He isn't even worth your time. Why would you wanna be with someone who already shows such a lack of respect for you?

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              #7
              thank you so much for the advice and support everybody. You guys help me out so much ! I'm not sure what I'm going to do. . . I'm going to just hang out with him a couple of more times and than just maybe tell him we should be friends or something because i just don't know if I feel that spark with him. I don't like the way he talked to me about it. Even though he wasn't really being rude about it it's just the fact that I feel like he thinks very differently from me & I just don't feel I'm going to be fully happy with him.

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                #8
                Please please please move on hun.
                Get someone who treats you nice and with respect.

                There is a difference between 'thinking differently' and being 'unrespectful'.
                And from what you wrote, he's a jerk. Sry...

                Get someone who will help you out instead of putting you down.
                ♡ ~~~~ 'When you find something worth fighting for, you never give up' ~~~~ ♡

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