Discretion

[HollzHeartsChris]

I understand a lot of people out there won't get what it means to be in an LDR and they have no idea how hard yet rewarding they are. Therefore, I ask you all this question: do you tend to keep your relationship a secret? Mainly to yourselves? Or are you quite happy to tell others about it?

Me personally...I won't say anything unless its to someone I trust or know well enough, or if it's to someone in a similar position who can empathise with me. Too often I've been judged on the choices I make concerning relationships, I've found. I find it better to stay quiet as a result.

[lademoiselle]

I don't volunteer much information about my relationship either. When it comes to acquaintances and suchlike, I don't say anything about having a boyfriend unless I'm asked outright. Even then I'm reluctant to discuss the details, but more because I think it's wise to be discreet about some aspects of your personal life than because I feel they may not understand - if that makes sense! I confide more in my fellow members of LFAD than I do in any offline friends, to be honest

[Manoek]

I'm really open about my relationship, but I try to keep marriage and such for myself.. because people think I'm nuts to marry at this age and that I only marry him because of the greencard.. -__-

[kittyo9]

I am usually willing to mention my boyfriend in conversations where I know questions will not be asked about him. When it is with someone I feel will ask questions, I usually avoid the subject unless asked. If it's with someone who asks but I feel like they will judge me, I lie and say I met him here because of the stigma around meeting people online and how suddenly they don't treat my relationship like it's "real." I will only talk freely about my relationship with people who I am close to who I know are open to the possibility of long-distance & online relationships.

[CanadianGirl]

I don't usually bring it up unless I'm asked about it. If the people I'm with are talking about relationships, I'll chime in. I have friends who are relationship-oversharers...regardless of the type of relationship, hearing about it constantly is a little grating.

One of my closer friends recently had a bunch of these questions about how we manage our relationship. It was purely curiosity and she was actually pretty non-judgmental (which used to be a problem..). And my sweet old land lady loves to ask about him whenever she's over

[Rugger]

I've come to the point that I don't care what people think/ say anymore. If it's pertinent to the conversation, I talk about my boyfriend. I'm not ashamed of him or our relationship. I love him and to hell with what everyone else thinks! If they made a comment on us being long-distance, especially if I know the person is in a relationship I'll say something like, " Well being apart sucks, but when I do see him, ALL his attention is on me. When can you ever say that?"

I think this quote is relevant " Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss.

[alesitag]

My family knows about him (my brother is the one who actually kinda gives me a hard time saying i'm going insane and that i'm freaking addicted to the internet, which i'm so not!! but how else am I supposed to contact my SO??), my closest friends know about him too, and that I'm in a LDR... now for the rest of the world, I'm in a relationship, but I don't give too many details mostly because it's none of their business... :P

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I don't yell about my relationship, but I'm not unnecessarily closed about it. I'm proud of my relationship, and I think that if I'm too clammy about talking about it, it's going to give my relationship an unnecessary stigma. If I treat my relationship like it's any less significant than any of my friends' relationships, other people are going to think that I think it's less significant, or I'm ashamed of it. Just because I'm in a long distance relationship doesn't mean my relationship is any different to anyone else's - other than the geographical difficulty.

[Manoek]

I think this quote is relevant " Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss.

Thanks, I needed that one.. freaking people are talking shit lately about me and my SO. And I try not to care, but I can't help but feel like people are attacking my relationship

[BlackRoseOpal]

It's weird. Everyone knows about my current situation, but my SO just doesn't talk about it apparently. I guess no one asks. It someone makes me wonder what the heck they talk about sometimes and it surprises me the subject has never been brought up.

[Moon]

Being a little bit older, people's opinions about it matter much less to me. I don't keep it quiet at all, except for at work, for obvious reasons. Mostly, I find people are very interested, sure they ask plenty of questions, but it only because they're curious, so I don't mind.

[nicole]

I've never had to keep it quiet, but then the people I care about were always very supportive. Not like I'd be shouting about it, but if it was relevant to the conversation, or someone asked, I was very open about it. If I had ever encountered people who were negative, I'd probably be more reserved about talking about it. I know my SO always kept his cards close to his chest- but he's like that when we're CD also.

[books]

By nature, I am a very private person, so I tend not to share too much about my personal life at all. It took me a few months at my job to feel comfortable enough to mention that I was in a relationship (this being in a work environment where everyone is talking about their SO's constantly). The comments I receive when I say I'm in an LDR don't really bother me at all. I feel completely secure in my relationship and I think that comes across when I do open up about my SO to others.

[lyonsgirl]

I always make it obvious that I have a boyfriend-and that we're serious. Because I'm one of 3 women at my workplace (one married and the other just got engaged) it seems like there are often men who ask me about my weekend plans (the thing about where I live/work, small talk is necessary before you actually get work done.) and I'll say something like going out with friends/etc. (Always super general.) But the men always end up trying to hook me up with one of their sons. And when I meet someone new (especially a single guy) I make it obvious that I'm in a relationship.

We don't flaunt it, though.

[katylynnlee]

I talk about him all the time. Mostly to my friends, but even they don't understand it sometimes. People at work will always ask about this necklace he bought me, and I tell them my boyfriend got it for me and they usually ask questions. Same with people/family who ask what I'm going to do when I move, or where I stay when I travel there. I say, "With my boyfriend" and they always ALWAYS ask how we met.

I fib a little and say, "through his cousin", and that most of his family lives here. Which is true, but we really started talking online first. He had been down to visit weeks before we started talking, and we decided to date over msn. I think that's a more complicated way to explain it though.

There's another thread on the site that talks about how people expect way less from LDR's, and that most people think you don't have to share most things with your SO. That's how a lot of my friends are, and it's really hard for me to sit there and explain how things work sometimes. They laugh and poke fun when I say I can't hang out because we're watching a movie. Everyone always says, "You're going to watch a movie? On the phone? At the same time?" like it's crazy or something. They actually use to think he was controlling because when we made plans and they wanted to do something with me in person, he'd get upset (well, duh!). I don't know, they frustrate me sometimes, but everyone knows I'm dating him.