I'm a homebody and he loves to go out...how to deal?

[fitfilipina]

I guess this really isn't long distance related, but anyway...

The title says it all. While I'm definitely not anti-social by any means, I definitely appreciate unwinding, relaxation, and quiet. Lately, I'd much rather stay in, watch a movie, and keep to myself (and maybe just my SO or another person) than going out to eat, hang out, or party. I just find it mentally exhausting -- especially the drinking scene, which I am over -- and while it is nice sometimes, I definitely could not do it everyday. My boyfriend is the complete opposite. He lives by himself and so he hates being alone. He'll find any reason to go out and hang out with anybody, every night. It's not that he enjoys partying, he just says he's uber-social and needs constant stimulation. In the past year we've been dating, I don't think there's ever been a day he's spent to himself. Don't really know if that's a good thing...

This whole situation doesn't bother me immensely, but there have been times where it just irks me to the bone. What concerns me the most is that we're planning on moving in together within a year or so, and I can definitely see problems arising if he constantly wants to be going out while I stay in. Maybe I'm a little jealous because a lot of the time, him going out gets in the way of "our" time. We only get to talk on the phone before we go to bed and if he's hanging out he won't get home 'til 1, which means we'll only get to talk for like 5-10 minutes since I have to get up early for school the next day. But I don't know. On top of that, every time I am home, he hardly wants to spend time with just me. It's always, "Let's go hang out with so-and-so" when really, I'd just like to savor my time with him to catch up. For our anniversary, which he supposedly had originally planned a romantic getaway for the both of us, he's inviting people left and right to join us. If oneperson declines, he'll try to find another... it's just frustrating.

Any tips on how to deal with a guy that likes to hang out all the time when you're a homebody? I've already tried suggesting that maybe he take a couple nights in to relax or unwind (he's a really busy guy) but to no avail.

[Softy]

Well you need to talk and make sure he knows how you feel.
Try to make both compromises and meet in the middle.

Or you could just accept it and be ok with the fact that you are both different.

Or move on and find someone who goes out less.

It's really up to you

[efish1042]

The anniversary thing it what popped out at me most right now. He shouldn't be inviting people to go out for YOUR anniversary! Maybe I don't understand the entirety of the situation, but that seems wrong.
I would talk to him about this.
If he is going out to avoid being alone, that may change once you're living with him because then, obviously, he won't be alone. If he's going out to be with crowds or because he's bored, that may be a problem.
You have to find a compromise. I can't tell you what that compromise should be, just that you need to find one. Tell him that it bothers you and you have to talk about a compromise for when you start living together. Tell him you feel a little neglected due to this lifestyle. There has to be a happy medium.
Good luck, sweetie!

[lucybelle]

My SO was a huge party boy. I'm much more of a homebody. When he moved in with me he calmed down A LOT. But he still likes to go out with his friends and drink and party more than I do. So he goes, and I stay home and post on LFAD. Everyone wins

[Lilly9886]

Have you ever lived with him before, like spent more than 2 weeks with him in his flat?
If you try this, or get the chance to, you'll see how he will be when you're together for longer..
Maybe if you are there, he is not alone, like efish1042 said, and it will change...

The anniversary-thing is just weird, you should talk to him about that!

[redapple]

I have a similar situation with my SO however its the other way round! I hate being on my own (one reason why i think im going to find the distance harder than he will), dont get me wrong i can deal with it if needs be but like your SO if there was the opportunity to be socialising every night i'd take it. He however is quite happy to be on his own playing computer games and reading, he defiantly doesn't like going out clubbing anymore though he does still go out for dinner with friends or the occasional pub visit. This works fine for us as i'm happy to give him his own time just as he is happy not to be dragged along to every party i go to! However as with any relationship its about the balance, i've turned down events to see him and he's done things with me when maybe he would have preferred to have been at home. By the sound of the above post youre not happy with the balance. You say youve suggested he takes some nights off from going out to unwind and he wasnt keen? I just wonder if you gave him any ideas as to what to do in that time? I dont know your situation but could you have date nights and watch a film together or similar? Im just saying as coming from a social person if the option was to stay in on my own or to go out and socialise i'd pick the latter, very social people tend to get lonely very fast!

I think though from what youve said above it seems to be more than just a difference in social habits.What stands out to me from your post is he doesn't seem to be making your special events as a couple about you. If I hadnt seen my SO in some time and came to visit I'd defiantly expect him to want to spend some time with just the two of us. And like efish1042 also said the anniversary thing really stands out, it just seems a bit weird.... Have you talked to him about it? And why he doesnt want your romantic getaway to be the two of you rather than a group affair?

xx

[FierceFoxie]

Ok the anniversary thing would have totally pissed me off! Does he not realize that an anniversary is about your love as a couple which should be shared alone?! It's not a time to get crunk and drunk with everybody else and their brother.

Now about him wanting to go out, there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe he just really likes being around people and crowds. Maybe he just likes showing the world what a beautiful woman he he has. There needs to be some sort of compromise here. You should tell him that you wouldn't mind going out Friday night and do whatever it is that he enjoys as long as on Saturday night you get to choose what you do even if it means just staying home cuddled on the couch watching a movie.

Relationships are about give and take and it's not too much to ask of him to stay in one night if you go out the previous night with him.