Who should pay for what?

[Malaga]

Pride is harmful in this case. Let go of it. Money is just means to make things happen, and to him there is no better way to spend it than to make your visit happen. He's not offensive if he offers, you're not a golddigger if you accept. It's just another token of trust.

[Softy]

I'm always not comfy with other ppl paying things for me.

But as for now, my bf paid for his flights to come and see me because my finances aren't so good lately.
When he was over here, we went out a bit and I paid most of the time (it was only fair considering the flights are expensive).
One day I'll get better with the money and I'll be the one paying my flights to go see him.

But it's ok sweets, let him pay and when you are over there when you guys go out you can pay some things.
And maybe another time, you can pay something else for him.

I think personally that it's ok, as long as both agree and that it 'balances'.

[temporaryuser]

unless you feel that he will hold it over your head, there is no reason not to let him purchase the tickets. There will be a time when you are better off financially, and you can return the favor.
btw, what part of NC is he in?

[dglynn77]

If he's going to pay, why not? You'll get to meet him and spend time with him. You can always just foot the bill for the next visit instead, and take turns by alternating that way. Or he can pay the ticket and you pay for all your own costs while there? It's all up to what you guys feel comfortable with doing.

Agreed!

[Spriteling]

If he can afford to pay for some of the trip, why would you say no? If you're in a relationship, your partner does things for you because s/he can, because it makes them happy to do things for you. Also, in a relationship, each partner contributes what they can, when they can. So, if he can do this, and it would allow you to meet, it seems very silly to say no based on pride.

[LoveJ]

Relationships are about sharing and giving. Giving and sharing. Sharing and giving, giving and sharing. This totally already sounds like a Full House episode already, but the point is that there will be days when you'll be short on cash and he'll want to help you, and there will be days when he'll be short on cash and you'll want to help him.
The reason he's offering to pay for your trip is because he really wants to see you, and that's fair. I know it can be really hard taking money from people, especially when you know they're not loaded, but if he's able, maybe let him, just this once. If, down the road, you really need to see him but he can't afford it (yet you can), wouldn't you want him to accept your offer if you were willing to cover his costs?

If it's a guilt thing you're worried about, don't be bothered by it. You can accept his offer, and in the interim, just love the ever living poop out of him when you get there to show him how grateful you are, and later down the road, when you're able, treat him to a trip (or a bunch of nice dinners, or baseball games, etc). See what I'm getting at? It's OK to share costs, even if it means alternating covering all of the costs if it's necessary. That's love

[Dylan313]

Pride is harmful in this case. Let go of it. Money is just means to make things happen, and to him there is no better way to spend it than to make your visit happen. He's not offensive if he offers, you're not a golddigger if you accept. It's just another token of trust.

Exactly. End of discussion.

[lademoiselle]

There may come a point when your SO is in a worse financial situation than you, so you'll be the one offering to help out instead - that's what my SO told me when we first started visiting one another. I had no job but he had a regular source of income, so he paid for pretty much everything at the beginning. I didn't like it, but once I found work I met him as close to halfway as I could; then for a while I had to spend more than him since he'd fallen on hard times. Give and take are what relationships are about, so please don't feel guilty or ashamed that you need to be the recipient for now!

[Xanahtas]

My SO paid for two plane tickets, i paid for two plane tickets. At the end of the day, as long as we get to see each other we feel it is worth paying out no matter who does it. My SO has paid for my wedding dress and is likely to be paying for most of the wedding as he is working full time and im not as of yet. Do i feel bad about it? Yes because it should be a joint effort but im saving all i can to pay too here and there. He insists and says that as long as we get married and get to see eachother he doesnt mind paying. He will be paying likely for two of my flights this year.

It depends on the situation of the couple. I cant say im keen on the idea of him paying for everything but he wants to and he insists on it. Maybe he can pay for the first and you pay for the next one? Or maybe buy him a small gift as a thank you?
I would let him pay for it. You will then get to see him and spend time with him, and it will be so worth it too. And just keep saving for a second flight later on

[blueeyes79]

I am lucky that i only have a 3 and half hour drive to see my SO...But i feel bad when he use to pay for everything. So now we talk turns...If i buy the movie tickets he gets the snack and drinks and vise versa. We also take turns buying the meals when we eat out too...I think its fair that way and hes not spending all of his money...He was even buying my DD coffee until i said something about that to. For activitys we take turns paying also...

[Zephii]

As it's really for both of you, I'd let him pay. You can always cover the next trip.

For us (the first visit) I paid my tickets (and for all the documents I needed to get so that I could get tickets) and half of my travel insurance and he paid the other half (because I wasn't going to get insurance/medical, and that freaked him out) and then he paid for everything else while I was there, which was for seven weeks.

[kaylamcquaig]

Thanks everyone. Michael and I agreed to whoever has the money first will spend on the trip so we can finally meet, and hopefully soon.