Please Help

[schwee44]

So.. I tried to tell my parents I want to go see my SO in Australia (I'm from middle America). It didn't go well.. at all.

My mom went on a huge rant at me,
She said I'm gonna get raped/abused/sold into sex slavery 'cause apparently that's huge down there. (Yeah, you can laugh at that last one. I did.) She wants to put me in therapy for dating someone online, because to her that means I have a low self-esteem.
Her answer to me going (as if I phrased it like a question. I'm an adult, I didn't ask) was "flat-out no."
If I continue planning to leave.. I'll probably get kicked out and have everything taken from me. I paid for my car.. but it's under their name.. so they'd be able to take it, then I couldn't get to work or anywhere. I'm basically just screwed all the way around.

I've been so miserable here for so long.
-Any- advice would be so appreciated

[katylynnlee]

I'm not going to sit here and tell you to defy your parents, but is there anyway that you can get your car into your name? I'm sure you've already tried to explain this to her, but 4 out of 5 relationships start online nowadays (thanks, Match.com or whoever advertised that, helpin' the cause!). If it would help, maybe she can add his parents (if he lives with them or communicates with them often) to Facebook or call them before you make plans. That way she knows that it's not some random "sex dungeon slavery barn" you're going to.

Parents are just trying to look out for you, but sometimes it's hard for them to understand things that they didn't go through themselves. Like, I don't imagine a lot of people dated people from Australia in your mom's day. Heck, my mom just learned how to type on the computer not too long ago, so it can be hard for them to comprehend it. Maybe try sitting her down and telling her what this means to you, and how you really feel.

If your parents aren't the understanding type, well... I would recommend trying to be a bit more independent and maybe start trying to "severe ties" with things like the car. Getting things into your own name, so when you move out, you have some things. Let's hope that they are a little understanding and want you to have some transportation though! I mean, you're exactly right, it is your life. But try to be considerate of their feelings too, you are their child and they probably want you to be safe and at home. Travelling is something that freaked my parents right out when I decided to do it, but now that I've done it multiple times, they're fine and are proud of me for actually getting to see the world.

[lademoiselle]

I second katylynnlee's advice. I've been in your position too; when I told my mum I was going to Paris for the first time she flipped out and ranted about it for a good week or so. The thing is my SO had come to the UK on six previous occasions, four of which were residential, so I guess my mum figured in the end that if my SO couldn't be trusted he would've shown his true colours by that point! Am I right in thinking this would be the first time you meet your SO? How long have you guys been together? I think your mum's main reservation would be the sheer distance between your country and your SO's; perhaps if he'd been the first to travel and she'd had the chance to meet him she would be worrying less. I don't suppose there's any chance of your SO coming to see you first?

[Tooki]

I think it's a crackup that your mother thinks that Australia is full of 'sex slavery'. You're more likely to get attacked by a dropbear or headhunted by a magpie.

But I was in your boat. When I planned my first trip to Europe, my parents weren't so annoyed that I was going overseas but more of why. I went anyway (I'm living out of home in another state) but it took some talking afterwards to convince them it was all ok.

I recommend that you try to get your mum to talk with your BF. I spoke to my GF's sister and her husband. It definitely made the the trip safer and more comfortable on their end.

If you are paying for the whole trip? Then you have leverage.

[temporaryuser]

If your parents are still supporting you, then you have to respect their opinions. If they give you the ultimatum that you can go, but you have to move out, thats their choice. Who would be paying for this trip? Flying from the US to Australia certainly isnt cheap. Are you still in school?
I would suggest having them talk to him and perhaps his parents on skype or facebook as often as possible. And youhave got to remain calm and civil when you discuss wanting to see him. You getting pissed and going off iisnt going to help your cause at all as it makes you seem immature and jumpng the gun.
Maybe try writing things down. When you met, how you met, where you will stay, a complete itinerary, phone numbers etc. let them know you have thought this thru and it isnt just a whim.
if they are still against it, you have a choice to make. Once you move out on your own, they have no say so as to what you do or where you go. But thats a big jump to make.

[Zapookie]

Haha err... sex slavery? Here? Unless she was talking about sex workers who have chosen to work in the sex industry, that kinda stuff doesn't really happen here.

I would get your mum to skype with your SO if you can, or even to say hello to him on the phone. My mum was very worried about my SO coming here and staying with us because she thought he'd rape us and all this other crazy shit, but once I got her to see him on webcam and to chat with him a few times, she was a little more at ease with the idea.

How old are you? Do you go to school or work and earn your own money? Is it possible to move out and live with other family or even friends? I think its a lot more difficult to break free and do your own thing when you're still dependent on your parents for things like food and money. Maybe by demonstrating to them that you have a little independence might put their minds at rest a little?

[schwee44]

Sorry I'm so bad about posting with detail, guys ;~;

I'll be 19 in August. Yeah, I still live with my parents and I finished school May 2011 (and I did some college up until January) all of which I paid for myself. The trip would be paid for by me, and I work part time right now (but support myself, as in buy my own food, clothes, etc) but I've been applying for some full time jobs. Fingers crossed I get them!
Okay, anyways xD Point is I'm 18, I have a job, I'm paying for the trip/passport/visa, the whole sha-bang. My SO is helping too. I live with my parents because we're stuck in this fairly remote town out in the middle of BFN. If I moved, I'd have to go to the next town over, which isn't worth the gas to get to my current job/ job I applied for. If they kicked me out and took my car, it wouldn't even be possible for me to get back as it's 20 miles away. I'd like to think I'm pretty independent already, my parents are just old-school and suffocatingly protective.

Let me know if that didn't make sense^ My train of thought is really jumpy.

I'm going to try to get them to skype again, I'll also to try to calmly talk to them (I'm normally pretty rational when it comes to this stuff)

[temporaryuser]

At 18 you see it as suffocatingly protective. At 42 with an 18 year old myself, i see it as good parenting

[Phantomrose]

When I was seventeen, and I told my parents about my relationship, they were not too supportive either. They thought that it wasn't real, that there was something wrong with me, etc. at first. My SO had to come down to visit me first, when I was 19 in order for my parents (mainly my mother, my dad was supportive, still is) to see that he was not some psycho/murderer/rapist/etc. This may sound like a crazy idea, but what if you introduced your parents to your SO via the webcam? Maybe then they would be a bit more comfortable with you going to Australia to see him?