Where does doubt come from?

[Brieasaurus]

I was talking with my SO before about our relationship (it's been pretty rocky lately) and he asked me what he does to cause me to worry, or in his words, doubt him/us. It got me thinking and I realized that he's never done anything to make me doubt his intentions or our relationship. So where does it come from?

After googling it and thinking, I think my doubts come from just my own insecurities and anxiety. I don't think it's a matter of not trusting my SO or anything, just me doubting myself which causes me to doubt the relationship and if I can really handle it or not. Something that my friend brought up when I asked her, was that maybe your environment has something to do with it. Like my parents have a fantastic relationship and I've never seen them argue so when my SO and I fight, I fear that we won't end up a happy married couple like them. Sounds a little bit out there though, doesn't it? Like are there really other factors besides the fact that I'm just a jealous girl with some insecurities or are they just excuses? I don't know.

Now I know not everyone worries about their relationship, but for those of you that do, where do you think it stems from? How have you dealt with it in your relationship?

[efish1042]

Partially my own insecurities, partially past experiences with my SO.
Sometimes I just have to make myself get over it, but sometimes (like last night, actually) I have meltdowns. I usually talk it out with him and feel better afterwards.

[FierceFoxie]

I was talking with my SO before about our relationship (it's been pretty rocky lately) and he asked me what he does to cause me to worry, or in his words, doubt him/us. It got me thinking and I realized that he's never done anything to make me doubt his intentions or our relationship. So where does it come from?

After googling it and thinking, I think my doubts come from just my own insecurities and anxiety. I don't think it's a matter of not trusting my SO or anything, just me doubting myself which causes me to doubt the relationship and if I can really handle it or not. Something that my friend brought up when I asked her, was that maybe your environment has something to do with it. Like my parents have a fantastic relationship and I've never seen them argue so when my SO and I fight, I fear that we won't end up a happy married couple like them. Sounds a little bit out there though, doesn't it? Like are there really other factors besides the fact that I'm just a jealous girl with some insecurities or are they just excuses? I don't know.

Now I know not everyone worries about their relationship, but for those of you that do, where do you think it stems from? How have you dealt with it in your relationship?

This is the problem! And that is what men often stress we do too much. We over-analyze, read in-between the lines and and will research until no end just for a glimpse at some insight and understanding on why it is that we feel conflicted or confused.

[efish1042]

I agree with this entirely. 9 times out of 10, I work myself up into a frenzy without any provocation.

[lala]

there are a lot of reasons:
- low self-esteem
- natural jealousy
- bad experiences
- parents/friends (their relationships)
- trust issue with your SO
- natural sceptical
- too much time to think (overthink)
- stress (with work/school)
- doubts (for many reasons)
- worries for future
- less communication
.....

[SDPersona]

I used to be where you are now. Actually, I still fall back to that self-doubting self sometimes, whenever a green little monster named Jealousy and its partner Insecurity creep up on me. Eating away at me, they either cause breakdowns or withdrawal. The doubts play a horrible game with me. Luckily that happens very rarely and if it does, my partner usually drags me out of it. He gives me a good dose of love & sanity and talks with me about it. A few times I ended up feeling stupid for it, because there was nothing there to doubt and be fearful of.

As for where they come from, I do think that insecurity and a lack of self-confidence is at fault there. If you're very prone to negativity and don't feel like "you're good enough", it helps to work on being more optimistic and more positive. Counter all the negativity that you find playing in your head, because negativity only produces more negativity. It's a vicious cyle that needs to be broken.

[Softy]

All that was said, pretty much Lala listed a bunch.
On my end I know it's some low self esteem and also very bad past experiences.
I got cheated on a few times by ex bfs before and when I started this LDR I thought: 'Before a guy who would sleep next to me every nights (who I went out with for more than 6 years) was actually cheating on me. So this guy living in another country, he's so far and I have no clue what he does every nights.... he might as well be like the others'.
THIS kind of thought is BAD.
And you know what, my LDR bf is the sweetest thing and wouldn't do something like that.... So it really comes from me and my insecurities.

That being said,I'm still a tad insecure, but the good thing is i know i am and working on it.
Knowing yourself, knowing the causes is already the 1st step.
Then take baby steps and also talk to your SO.
Let him know you are a little insecure and you want to work on it.
Trust will come with time and love
It's like rebuilding a broken vase but once it's done, you will see how pretty it is

[Biscous]

I think in my relationship it is my own overthinking, stress on both our our ends - her focusing on graduating, and myself dealing with the demands of my career, and slightly less communication which worries me and makes me overthink.

[Cabrady93]

Wow, reading what you wrote is exactly how I feel! It's so nice to know I'm not alone!
I have parents who are really loving and I have never seen them fight, argue, or get annoyed with eachother, so when I notice things aren't going perfectly for us I get worried and doubt.
I feel like a crazy person sometimes because I can't really understand why I am so worried. I feel as tho each day I have a new reason to worry. The same things are always there, yet I now worry about them. It's really crazy. I agree that it is my own insecurities and jealousy that his friends and family get tI be with him so often.
I read once that doubt comes from the unknown, and being in a long distance relationship there is a lot we don't get to expierence or know. I think that's mostly where my doubt comes from.

[dukes2011]

Personally, I think doubt comes from fear of the unknown. You begin thinking about all the what-ifs and then your mind is going in a million different directions. The deeper and deeper you go into different possibilities, the more depressing things can look causing someone to become doubtful. That happens to me sometimes, so realize that you're not alone. Many people can't survive a LDR due to so much unknown, but keep the faith, positive attitude and most importantly the love and communication.

[lonelyinlove]

I personally feel that doubt comes from ones own insecurity. We often take our insecurity and project them onto our love one and our relationship.