Coping with him leaving-going a bit mental!

[redapple]

Hi, I'm new to the forum but I've been reading other people's posts for a while and it's really helped so I thought I'd pipe up and ask for some myself!

A little about my situation, I'm currently CD with my SO, we've been together about a year an are very happy with each other on the whole I'm really close to his family and we go to the same uni and work in the same office, so as you can guess we spend most days of the week together. Now as part of his course he has to go study abroad for 6months minimum and 2years maximum. Most other people have done the full 2years. Currently he is going to be out there for a max of 18 months but more likely 16ish though I have no definite dates.

So my question is how do you cope in the lead up to your other half leaving?! It seems a lot of people have met online but I'm sure many of you must have been in a similar situation. I'm going mental, some days I feel like we will be fine when he goes and will survive the distance, others I feel like my world will end. I'm trying to be as supportive as possible to him as its a great oppertunity for him but the last couple of weeks I've been really negative and I don't want his last memories to be of me being really down! I know from experience that sad people aren't too much fun to be around. I'm doubting our relationship a bit which I've never done, I'm already jealous of some of the other girls he is going out there with (I know some of them) and its all very much unlike me! Im usually really laid back and I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life!

I know there's not really anything I can do as such as he has to leave but it'd be nice to hear other people's stories and know there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Sorry for the rambling!

Xx

[megfashion]

you dont think about it until about the night before.

i know its hard not to, but then you wont waste time worrying. the SO had aweful going-away blues, so for the last 2 weeks we did nothing but lay around. i kept telling him exactly the same thing - we can feel sad later, but we have each other now so lets make the most of it.

it is hard, no doubt, but it does get easier, trust me. usually after the first week or two, the sadness starts to fade out a lil. im lucky enough to be able to talk to him almost every night (and if not, texting) so im not sure about any other details about how hard itd be communication wise.

my advice is to just make the most of it.
i didnt think about him leaving until he said goodbye this time. yes it stung and hurt abit, but it was much nicer than feeling sad for long amounts of time.

hugs.

[sewbama]

I'm in this situation myself. Just sitting around waiting to be separated from my SO. I try to soak up as much of him, but it tends to get me down a lot. So I know exactly how you feel.

My SO and I, however, met online, and lived an hour apart for about six months. An hour isn't far. Unless you are a very busy grad student. Without a car. So we've done the distance before, and survived it as strong as possible. You learn to have a short memory. You have to. It really gets easier to go day by day and to ignore the gulf between you. Just remember he's going through the same thing you are. You're never alone, no matter how far he is.

Good luck. And try so hard to enjoy him.

[dorabase93]

we've been through the same thing. It's really hard not to think about those negative things. All I can say is just have fun with him he's not leaving until he leaves right? loose up a bit, make the most of your time with him. trust me, you won't regret it and those good memories will be one of many things that keeps you two together

[eveningsky]

My SO and I started CD because I studied abroad in his country. I knew I couldn't cope with thinking about it beforehand so I didn't. It was so hard when I left. I really didn't want to leave. If it hadn't been for meeting up with a mutual friend who was also leaving to go back to America, I might have missed my flight that day (I still had a couple months left to stay on the visa.) I honestly just try not to think about it (like megfashion suggested). Also, as others have said have fun with him. Do everything you really enjoy doing together one more time before he leaves (or as much as you can). My SO and I have been with each other for over 2 years and about 19 months of that has been long distance (not including visits.) It's really difficult sometimes. I've been without seeing him for almost 10 months now! I don't know how I do it. I just do.
If you have a video camera or a voice recorder you should record something of you and him. It can really light up your day to listen to or watch something that you two have recorded (in my experience.)
Anyway, good luck! Maybe you could go visit him? I personally love traveling.

[Softy]

Welcome to the mental club!!!

In all seriousness, there will be days where you will be fine with it and smiling and happy and such.
There will be days where you will want to punch walls with your head, yes. Like a mad demolisher!
That is what love in a LDR do.

As many said in many threads, get busy, practice hobbies, go out, hang out with friends.
Buy yourself some books, have bubble tea (just cuz its cool).
Try to talk about your every day to your SO, call or text or skype, which ever suits you best.

And if you feel a lil down, come here and drop us a line

[redapple]

Thanks for everyone's comments, I'm trying to stop myself thinking about it but everybody seems to be talking to me about it which isn't helping! I will try harder though. I think it's the unknown that's making me stressed, I'm quite a proactive person so when something worries me I do something about it, but with him going away there's no set date for him to go or come back and until he is there we won't know when I can visit or such so I'm just having to wait. I should be able to visit every 4-6 months hopefully though as I said we really don't know. I think I just need to calm down and accept that until he goes neither of us know how it's actually going to go. Hes not known for his excellent communication skills (hes ok with me but terrible at keeping in touch with family and old friends) but hopefully we will be able to skype and the like, theres an 8hour difference so itl mainly have to be at weekends but im ok with that. Some days I just want him to be gone without any goodbyes and just get on with my life but then I think about the next two months we have together an how I wouldn't want to waste them. Jeez I'm not even in a LDR yet and I'm having a 'mare, it makes me realise how strong the rest of you must be!

Xx

[Tanja]

Join the club! Different people cope with this differently but without a doubt the first few days are gonna be hard or then they're gonna fly by, depending how busy you'll make yourself lol.

It's normal to go mental and to get jealous and to have all kinds of scenarios going through your head. The unknown is always scary and hard to accept.

If you need to talk about it you can message me whenever