It's better to have loved and lost

[lucybelle]

than never to have loved at all.

Something made me think of this recently. I started to think about how awful it would be if I lost my SO. I would be absolutely devastated for a really long time. I mean, even if we live our entire lives together, one day one of us will die first. It just hurts so bad to think about.

I don't know, I'm just in a morbid mood right now. *sings Cheer Up Charlie to self*

So what do you think? Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

[lala]

I also thought about that many times..
I had a few crushes when I was younger but never really loved someone and never felt loved. I mean I was fine but I felt as I'm missing something.. I had so much to give but there was not the right one who would deserve it. When I met my SO everything changed, my whole world and so did I. For the first time in my live I felt what it really means when someone cares about you and would do everything for you. I don't want ever to miss that feeling.
So yes, better love and lose than never loved

[LoveJ]

I always thought that was a saying that was absolute garbage, and just something people told themselves to feel better after losing someone, until I met LoveL.

If I look down the road to when we're old and crotchety, and he happens to go before I do, I'll be devastated. Hell, I'd probably not even know how to get out of bed or even blink for that matter. But would I want to trade in all the amazing years we had just because it hurts so much? Not a chance. That would mean letting the pain replace all the laughs and love and good times we shared as if they never existed. I can't imagine doing that, regardless of how it would feel being here without him.

[snow_girl]

There has been a couple times where I've woken up and swore my SO was dead. I watched him for about 30 seconds (seemed like forever) before he took a breath. I think about death a little too much, sometimes I wake up in the night with this intense realization that one day I won't wake up and just not be...anything.

Anyway I think the statement is true. Love is a wonderful thing to experience and to never experience it I think would be sad. Yea the break up can be hard, but time eventually puts things back in to place.

[kittyo9]

Sometimes I think about how my boyfriend would feel if I were to pass away, and it just breaks my heart because I know he loves me so much and he would be devastated.

My grandfather recently passed away, leaving my 79-year-old grandmother behind. They'd been married and living together for more than 50 years. They weren't like the sweet old couple you're probably thinking of-- they had kind of a weird relationship, but they still loved each other. When my grandmother went to put her flower on his coffin at the funeral, she just put her hand on it and said, "Good bye, Warren." It wasn't really emotional or tear-filled or anything... it was more of an acceptance. Like a "thank you for the life we had together."

So I think it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

[lademoiselle]

I think about it from time to time, of growing old with the man I love, and if we get there then I'd rather he went first to spare him the pain of having to live a day without me. Yes, I agree with all my heart that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

[LoveJ]

When my grandmother went to put her flower on his coffin at the funeral, she just put her hand on it and said, "Good bye, Warren." It wasn't really emotional or tear-filled or anything... it was more of an acceptance. Like a "thank you for the life we had together."

*Tear*

[temporaryuser]

15 years ago, I was engaged to the man I considered my sould mate. we had an amazing relationship. For a few months he had been having chest pain, but his dr dismissed it as panic/anxiety attacks. 2 months before the wedding date, he came home from work with serious pain. Didnt want to go to the er, so we waited it out till the morning. he went to the dr who told him it was reflux. That whole week, he wouldnt let me out of his sight. I had to be in the same room with him and he was just really "off". The following weekend, we had been out doing errands, stopped for dinner and he started having pain again. this time it was worse than anything he had ever had. Called the ambulance, he died at the hospital. All of my family was out of state, his family was over an hour away. So i sat with him waiting for someone else to get there. In that time, we "talked", I felt more at peace than I ever had. No regrets, no what ifs. After the autopsy we found out that the previous week he had a heart attack that killed off 80% of his heart. The pains he had been dealing with that preceded this were mini heart attacks. The nite that he passed was another attack.
I have never looked back and wondered what i could have done differently. Everythinhg happens for a reason. As heartbreaking as that nite was (and the weeks that followed), I would never trade the time I had with him - even if I knew how it was going to end.

[snow_girl]

subeasley, I'm sorry.

[lucybelle]

subeasley, thanks so much for sharing.

[Malaga]

I remember your story, subeasley. It's just as touching reading the second time around. My heart goes out to you... I hope you've found happiness again <3

Yeah I agree with the saying. If I lost my love, through death or breakup, I would still feel more alive than if I never loved at all.

[FadedSunrise]

I agree that the saying rings true in the sense of mortality-that its better to have loved and been loved by someone enough to spend a life growing old with them.

I'm not sure I agree in the sense of breakups. I've just had my first, and I DON'T think at all that it was better to have gone deeper into this relationship and lost it(by it I mean the friendship) along the way. But then again, I am one of those who would hesitate forever at the thought of losing a good male friend through the ending of a relationship.

[blankita719]

By all means better to have loved and lost. You learn so much when you are in love with someone and while some of those lessons are painful, at least you know you were alive and you felt something. I'd rather be heartbroken than to never know that feeling of love the way it is supposed to be.

[kittyo9]

I'm not sure I agree in the sense of breakups. I've just had my first, and I DON'T think at all that it was better to have gone deeper into this relationship and lost it(by it I mean the friendship) along the way. But then again, I am one of those who would hesitate forever at the thought of losing a good male friend through the ending of a relationship.

I think my first long-term relationship was worth loving and losing. I learned a lot and it helped me grow a bit in terms of understanding myself. My second one... actually, even though it was awful, I think it was better to have loved and lost as well, because after that relationship, I grew tremendously and learned to stick up for myself and not to put up with people who walk all over me.

[kirbycat]

I'm not sure I agree in the sense of breakups. I've just had my first, and I DON'T think at all that it was better to have gone deeper into this relationship and lost it(by it I mean the friendship) along the way. But then again, I am one of those who would hesitate forever at the thought of losing a good male friend through the ending of a relationship.

I think it is worth it, even just in the sense of a breakup. Sometimes, at least. My first boyfriend, in college, I was really head over heels for him - or so I thought. Things didn't end well, and it all caused me a world of pain and depression for most of my senior year. But I eventually pulled myself out of it, and when I did, I realized something important: through my relationship with him, and the whole drama of having it fall apart, I had learned how to let myself love someone, to trust them and open myself up enough to risk being hurt. And when I did get hurt, I was capable of healing. I'd always been a pretty emotionally closed-off person, so discovering that I had the courage to put my heart out there like that was an important step for me. I grew a lot from the experience, and I think I'm better able now to share myself with my SO than I would have been otherwise.

Yes, it sucks to lose a good friend when you break up. But it's also important to focus on all the things you've gained, and all the growth that's happened, through that process. It may not always have been worth it, but I think you can find something positive you've gained out of any failed relationship!


In terms of losing someone through death - yes, I also agree 'tis better to have loved and lost, for all the same reasons other people have stated.