Those disheartening words in a LDR

[Biscous]

This is when your girl says to you she feels that "she feels like she's moving away from you". I hate that and that's what my LDR GF said to me tonight. Granted we talked for over two hours on a LOT of things regarding the state of our relationship and I ultimately comforted her, but I hate hearing that.

Her situation now is that she is about to complete her spring semester. She is working to support herself and seeing me. Money is tight. I'm actually going to help her pay for her ticket in May. We were supposed to be together in the middle of May FOR GOOD actually but she has to go late July/early August until we are together and she is done with graduation.

Things she said to me...
"I wish we spent more time together before you moved" - We dated a little over three months before I left. I would say it was a very intense moment in both of our lives. I sometimes feel the same way and I feel that it is akward that our relationship has been more LDR than close. She said that we probably spent just as much time being together than being apart.

"I don't feel like I can do long distance for too much longer" - Ouch! I've told her that one vivid dream of mine was seeing her with someone else. I must say that the feeling of us breaking up, even worse her cheating on me breaks my heart thinking about it.

I'm just wondering how you guys deal with a discouraged SO. I comforted her and she feels much better. I told her to keep things in perspective: the fact that we get to see each other quite often. I saw her a few weeks ago actually, and before then I saw her the month prior. The most we've ever been apart has been about eight weeks. I also mentioned that we communciate daily. A lot of things are great and healthy in the relationship and I definitely see a future, but I do understand where she is coming from and it is hard for both of us.

[Kristin91]

I don't have much advice... I get like that sometimes and my SO comforts me and tells me that things will be okay. Then I get all motivated to fight for our relationship all over again. Hopefully it was just one of those insecure moments that will pass quickly.

[Biscous]

I don't have much advice... I get like that sometimes and my SO comforts me and tells me that things will be okay. Then I get all motivated to fight for our relationship all over again. Hopefully it was just one of those insecure moments that will pass quickly.

Seems that way. When her and I are together we feel on top of the world. I guess women NEED to know this from their man sometimes and I do my damnest to do that

[ChibiFelicia]

The time apart is always tough and we all have those moments where we get a bit down. Our whole relationship has been ldr and it's getting better over time. In regards to the coping with the distance. My man has always said to me "it's only temporary, we have the rest of our lives to be together and at some point you'll look back and think 'that longing to see someone wont be there anymore'" we will be living together at somepoint just not yet. I guess thats one advantage of being in an ldr. I know im not actually offering any advice but i've been where your SO has been. we're 3 years together now and it sucks so bad when i get home (jsut got home a couple days ago) and i wont see him till end of july. But how he has changed my view has helped me a great deal. I'll be back home with him in a few months. I guess in a way i see my life here as just working away from home lol.

[lademoiselle]

I have moments like this too; sometimes I'll feel that way for days. I've subjected my poor old SO to similar sentences - "I don't think I'm cut out for a relationship like this!" He waits for me to draw breath, then calmly asks if I think I'd be better off if we went our separate ways. And of course that's such an awful thought, it never fails to bring me to my senses! Ah, it's quite normal to go through periods of feeling discouraged. I think the approach you're taking -

I comforted her and she feels much better. I told her to keep things in perspective: the fact that we get to see each other quite often. I saw her a few weeks ago actually, and before then I saw her the month prior. The most we've ever been apart has been about eight weeks. I also mentioned that we communciate daily. A lot of things are great and healthy in the relationship and I definitely see a future, but I do understand where she is coming from and it is hard for both of us.

- is very good indeed. I know that I for one need to be reminded to think rationally when my emotions are simply running away with me. From what you've written it doesn't sound like there are major issues under the surface between the two of you, so I think your SO is just having a temporary wobble of resolve. Happens to the best of us I'd say you should carry on doing what you're doing; if there was a more serious problem at base I'm sure you'd be able to pick up on it. Good luck!

[LoveL]

The fact is we get to see each other quite often. I saw her a few weeks ago actually, and before then I saw her the month prior. The most we've ever been apart has been about eight weeks.

There's the issue right there.
There is not a harder time in an LDR than right after a visit.
It seems that with LoveJ and I, the 2 week period seems to be the one that is the hardest to get through right after we have been together. The first couple of days either feel like not a big deal, because you just had such a huge refresher or they feel like absolute misery because of how quickly your time together seems to pass. Then, in the first full week, I think we all try and cope as quickly as we can with the situation and kind of pretend that everything is OK, just so we don't feel the hurt of the serparation. I think it's that 2nd week where we start to really understand the fact that we are totally alone again and that it might be weeks or months before we get the immediate satisfaction of physical closeness again.

You did good in reassuring her.
Make sure she knows that you struggle with the distance just as much as she does. Part of the communication that you guys are developing entails talking about and expressing your concerns for the relationship. It's completely normal to struggle and hurt for each other. Just don't let the other person forget that you are hurting and struggling too, but that they are important enough to you that you fight for your relationship every single day.

Try doing something together over the phone or Skype to kind of pass the time and feel like you're sharing something at the same time. That can help to not only make you feel close, but also kind of clear the mind from the funk of missing each other.

[Softy]

There have been (and prolly more to come) times when i felt sad, discouraged or down.
But even if I was, I never ever thought one second of giving up on him, I never told him 'I don't know if I can do this'.

While I understand that some days one can be more fragile, weaker than others.
Both should keep positive, stay strong and try to aim high.
It's difficult yes, but is the key to a successful LDR I think.

But yes, best you can do is to support her, try to cheer her up.

I know that when I'm feeling sad, only a few words from my bf are making me smile.
Hearing his voice, hearing him laugh is giving me the strength to wait for us to be together again.



best luck

[charly]

'I think it's that 2nd week where we start to really understand the fact that we are totally alone again and that it might be weeks or months before we get the immediate satisfaction of physical closeness again.'

so very very true! I'm in that second week now. And biscous, I recognize myself in the things you girlfriends says. I frequently ask myself why I am doing this for myself. (But that's not in the way that I would want to end things, I want to be with him! All the time preferably) I really can't imagining myself going through those terrible goodbye's and long periods of waiting for more years to come. But then my boyfriend comforts me. Just by saying that we will be alright, that we will make it, that we can do it together. That I have to think about all the nice parts. It's not another night without him, it's a night closer to the date we see each other again. Like lademoiselle said, it looks like she just has trouble with the whole LDR thing sometimes. Make very clear to her that she always has to talk to you, when she feels that way. That you are there for her, and that the 2 of you will make it Hope the 2 of you figure it out

[Biscous]

Yeah, she actually saw me two weeks ago, so I can understand why she feels the way she does at times. I'm back in her life one moment, then I'm gone. I took her to this farmer's market and she was so happy. All of a sudden she looked at me with a sad look in her eyes. I remember the sun dress she was wearing. "Biscous, when am I going to be able to see you again?" It honestly tears me up typing that.

I do understand that distance is immensly harder for women than men. She wants to see me in mid-late May, but we wanted to spend a month together but it might be only two weeks because she has to work and she has a lot of other things going on before she starts her summer semester. Late July is when we plan on both being together FINALLY. Right now I just pray that both of us have the love and perserverance to make strides to be together!

[Yaaamiii]

I know exactly how she feels. I literally just started getting out of that rut a few days ago. For a while I've been feeling like I can't do this kind of relationship anymore, sometimes it's so draining, saying hello and then goodbye so often. My SO and I see each other for about as often as you guys seem to. It can be very discouraging sometimes, and a few weeks ago I fell in this rut and wanted to give up, because I was tired of missing my SO so bad. He and I had been talking about it for a while, and I think that rut I was in was the reason he got me this:

https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Will-Gu...5660859&sr=8-1

Help her, encourage her. Don't give up on her, and let her know that you'd fight for her. Sometimes it honestly does get really difficult and we just fall into these negative mindsets. It's all about perspective.

[alesitag]

In my case, it'smy SO the one who sometimes say things like that... His insecurities are bigger than mine i guess, so he feels discouraged more often, but i hate this freaking distance as much as he does.

I deal with it pretty much the way you do... Reassuring, reassuring, reassuring, but lately I've been thinking what's it gonna feel like after our first visit and it breaks my heart...

I guess we can only do our best showing our SOs all this struggle and pain will be worth it sooner or later