Inconsiderate people- bit of a rant!

[redapple]

Hi everyone,

So I'm lucky/unlucky enough to study in the same office as my SO (feels like the latter right now!). As I've said in other posts he hasn't gone away yet but is soon to leave to study abroad for 18months. I'm pretty stressed about this anyway and have had a really tough time recently in trying to remain upbeat. It feels like I never get a break from thinking or talking about him leaving. I've got some really important presentations coming up next week and have just been sat in the office finishing up the slides. One of our mutual friends who also works in the office decided it would be really funny to start joking about how he isn't ever going to leave and how he should get on with it. For some reason (it happens all the time so you think id be used to it) this got me really upset and had to discretely leave the office to calm down (and have a sneaky cry).

I just don't understand why people can't work out that this would be upsetting for me and stressful for him. We both know he has to go guys, its not like either of us have forgotton! Work should be work (we don't wave our relationship in people's faces) and people constantly talking about it is making it harder and harder for me to concentrate on work. Am I just being too sensitive or should I try and quietly ask the main offenders so not keep bringing it up at work?

Kinda a pointless post but I just needed to vent!

Xx

[LoveJ]

I think it's probably just a matter of them not really stopping to think of how hard it will be on both of you. You have every right to get upset about it; to them, it's a joke. To you, it's a heart breaking life change for a little while. Of course you can ask them not to joke about it so much because it upsets you. They probably just don't realize the effect of what they say has on you.

[snow_girl]

People don't always think about how things they say affect others. If they say it again, casually bring it up that you both know what is happening and you don't need to be reminded.

[kittyo9]

I think it's probably just a matter of them not really stopping to think of how hard it will be on both of you. You have every right to get upset about it; to them, it's a joke. To you, it's a heart breaking life change for a little while. Of course you can ask them not to joke about it so much because it upsets you. They probably just don't realize the effect of what they say has on you.

It's pretty much this... to you, this is your whole world right now, but to them, it's just consequential. They don't have nearly as much emotionally invested in this and I'm quite sure they just didn't think about how big the impact has been on you. Some people also try to play off emotional times with jokes. Since it's a friend of yours, I'd imagine they would be pretty understanding if you asked them to stop joking about it and explained that it is making the transition harder for you, not easier.

[lyonsgirl]

Agreed, just don't make a big deal about it. Ask them in private to back off with the jokes because it's hard for the both of you.

[Moon]

Working together adds a whole other set of rules to the relationship, you can't just go off on a colleague like you can with some insensitive friend/acquaintance. My boyfriend and I work together, we've kept it a complete secret from the company, and this week he just became my boss :/ While it's too late now for you to keep work and home life private and separate, it might be a good idea in the future, because what your colleagues don't know, they can't gossip about, or make idiotic jokes. That being said, your co-worker thought they were being funny and lightening the mood, they're a little bit stupid too, btw. Unfortunately, until you've been through it, you can't quite understand how painful an LDR can be at times, and you have to realize most people just aren't gonna get it. It's not their fault, they just don't know, and too many people never stop to think before they speak. As awful as it was, it's something you may have to get used to and desensitize yourself from, because people in LDR's get dumbass comments and questions all of the time. People simply don't think and it seems like it's becoming all too common and acceptable to turn off your filter.

I'm sorry your co-worker is a moron and hurt your feelings, I hope you were able to feel better quickly. Just stay strong, 18 months might feel like forever but it's not, it'll be over quicker than you think.

[redapple]

People who don't socialise with us out of university (I'm a PhD student working for a company so it's halfway between being a student and job!) never guess that we are together, it's not something that we announce but most people know due to us socialising outside of work with other people who work in the office. (As it is we are quite lucky as we are one of a few couples in the same office so were not the odd one out!). So like you moon I'm quite keen on maintaining a work and home life split (though in some regards its impossible in my situation!) Which is why I get so annoyed when people bring it up and I can't get on with my work and forget about mu private life like I might if we didn't work in the same building.

Though i also think that you are right and it might be a case of just trying my best to get on with it and learning how to cut myself off more. I think thats going to take some learning for me! Todays actually been the first time ever that I wished we didn't work together.

Xx

[Deleted]

"Don't say everything you think, but think everything you say!" I heard this recently and it applies to these people. Many just start joking and just get along with it without really thinking of what could happen. I would've felt hurt too with this... many people will jst say "oh, we're just joking..." but i sitll think you're in the right of saying something about it. Perhaps you do not even have to be harsh since you know they were joking and sometimes there is no bad intention behind it. just let them know how you feel.