Update: Jakarta-Moscow? its not working that well

[uniquefem]

I've been avoiding this website for months. So horribly sorry

Since December i've been through lots of despair and negativity, and i knew the feeling when someone post about negative stuff, or break ups... it affect me somehow.. made me feel so sad and also scared.

I dont want that happened to all of you guys. Because not all relationship the same.... huff here we go.

I don't know where we are right now, me and my SO.

Since February things went from worse to awful that right now we don't even speak or communicate for over a month. Well since i actually sent him a recorded video to his mail, crying and saying he was mean for telling me i was over react and short of saying things that i said wasn't true that i was not missing him as much as i said.

I just felt, since December the relationship is not a healthy one anymore. I cried a lot, depressed, he also depressed, we cry, no fight... just despair how to made things work between us. I want to go there, but he just insist i can't fit in... with the weather, language, culture and for being the "second citizen" in Moscow he seemed so scared to think i wont like it there and it will be more awful--MORE TO HIM--if i went there and then decide its not going to work, he kept saying he can not get through that.

But in other way, he is killing me slowly with this missing issue. I tried my very best.. to get rid him out of my brain and feeling. But its just useless... omg i did all i could, playing foot ball, sports, creating something being productive, work like crazy even on saturday and sunday--i was crazy.

I can't sleep.... this is the worse... i had insomniac....i tried to sleep but my heart beat fast like i just did drink 4 glass of dark coffee and i just can't sleep.

I think thats what they call depression.

He just cut all of communication way that we had. EVERYTHING. He still chat, he still mail me as he want.. i sent him mail but he never really reply... he never made promise when to chat and his mail reply just a line or three max and mostly also rant about he feel tired from work or he got sick. And its very rare! he never.... call me anymore.. since last November. He REFUSE to gave me his address....

He literally kick me away from his life but coward enough to break up with me. And I DO REALIZE THAT...thats the worse thing.

When i decide to stop mailing him or contact him, he will mail me like crazy--like where are you, are you ok?dont do anything stupid etc.... but i dont think he did this because he do really that care.. but i dont know.. just confusing because after i mail back then he goes back to "zero movement".

So...early April i sent the video to him, me crying at 2am, saying what i feel. Its just crazy. And he sent me reply straight away saying dont sent me such mail, because you made me cry to when i see it.

I just don't know what else to do... thats the lowest part of me.

So.. since that time i never sent him anything i never heard anything from him either. With that video i told him that if he want me to be happy then tell me where we stand now, and where we go? he just cant seemed answer it until this very moment.

So... its over. I just don't know how to say this without being so... hurt like my chest been ripped and sliced....

I try to move on.... just move from where i was when he left me...

I just can't do this anymore.... i don't want to get crazy because of someone who decide not to care about me anymore


Sorry for the long post....

[Softy]

I know how much it can hurt sweetheart, I'm sorry for that.
I do think you need to seek professional help if you can.
If you cannot, at least talk and hang out with a close friend.
For a moment, try to take care of yourself

[LeilaniJoi]

Walk away.. cut all communication and walk away. Don't make him a priority in your life when you are an option in his. This is not how a man acts when he is in love. there is something more going on here with him. I'm sorry.... you deserve more and better.

[FierceFoxie]

I'm so sorry that things have ended for you. I think you deserve a fair and straight answer and he's not giving that to you. There is no doubt that he cares for you but it sounds like he just really feels like there is no hope to overcome the obstacles that are present in order for you to be together. Since he is not trying to make an effort to make things work it is definitely time for you to move on with your life. It's ok to grieve the relationship is over. many people grieve break-ups as though it were a death. It feels like a death at least. Just give yourself some time and take as much of it as you need to heal. Best of luck to you.

[Moon]

I am so sorry, uniquefem If I remember correctly, he never really could handle the distance, and couldn't handle closing it, either. You were in a no-win situation all along. YOU were never the problem, you were brave and willing to try, despite the language, culture, weather, etc., but he was always too much of a coward to let you. I'm really sorry it turned out like this, please cut off contact with him. Delete him from your phone and contacts, sent his email to your junk folder, it really is the only way to begin healing, who cares if he's worried? Let him deal with it, he had his chance with you and he blew it.

I hope to see you around here again someday

[lucybelle]

I agree with moon. It seems like for a while now he's been trying to push you away. Saying you wouldn't like Moscow, saying the distance was too much, saying all sorts of things to try to get away. You've done everything you could for him and for the relationship. I know it's painful but it's time to move on. Send him an email saying you're going to move on because any contact with him makes you hurt even more. Then take care of yourself. You deserve the best, and he's not giving it to you.

Best wishes.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

You have been a brave, strong person to try your best to make it work. I'm so sorry things didn't turn out how you wanted. I agree with everyone else, right now, take care of you, cut contact with him, try to heal over. And we understand how difficult it must be to come back here. We'll still be here when you're ready. Take care.

[lonelyinlove]

Do sorry to hear that, buy it sounds like u two not being together ID for the best. If he/the relationship makes you more sad than it makes u happy then it not really healthy....

[uniquefem]

To all,
Thank you very much for your advises and suggestions....

I am trying to heal my self now. Its heavy. I move to Jakarta on different island than my parent so i could study Russian language, and i could do things i could to learn and adjust with Moscow. Its HUGE sacrifice, and he never ask, i just did.

Until now, i still continue my Russian class, i don't want to quit even when this is happening, just try to be positive about this because i love learning language. So far i made lots of progress since November. I could read and understand basic conversation in Russian. I still do wish to go there someday, even if its not for him.

It was SCARY to be who i was when i hit rock bottom like few weeks ago. So despair that omg even think about making a suicide video--ITS HORRIBLE!! but i am glad i come to good sense!! i was being nuts and i dont want to get to that point again EVER!!

I just think ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH.

Its hurt, its sad, horribly sad. I had to tear down pictures, put everything in a huge box, our pictures while in Europe, teddy beards and letters and all stuff he gave me.. omg we've been through a lot.... but its just not meant to be.... he just chicken out...

I am a strong person, a positive girl...

I know i dont deserve this, i know i dont deserve all the hurtache. Its just need sometimes.. and i do take my time... ahah it took me a while to get back here without feeling itchy and CRYING and stafrt to wrote stupid things hahah.....

I love all of you guys.. i do... you are all part of my love story with him...

I had to move on, and i had to heal.. one of the way is.. preparing my self to get here and tell this news to all of you.... i did it its just not happening and its over.

I havent mail him and said its over. I wont lie, there is a tiny bit HOPE that this all just misunderstanding (impossible) and he will change his mind and he had very good reason (that he forgot to tell) for all of this.

But thats delusional me who type that

Anyway..... i will try to go back as i was before... i love him so very much---still..... but its just not happening... not that we dont love each other... but maybe sometimes love just not enough

BTW he did make an effort--he pay for the Russian class..... he help me when i got difficulties about the lesson... he quite nice about that and i know he work his ass off to get settle there... but it will took time and time... is the one to blame beside distance in our relationship....

And ofcourse.... WHEN IT HURT.. ITS NOT LOVE ANYMORE....

---------- Post added at 10:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 PM ----------

To all,
Thank you very much for your advises and suggestions....

I am trying to heal my self now. Its heavy. I move to Jakarta on different island than my parent so i could study Russian language, and i could do things i could to learn and adjust with Moscow. Its HUGE sacrifice, and he never ask, i just did.

Until now, i still continue my Russian class, i don't want to quit even when this is happening, just try to be positive about this because i love learning language. So far i made lots of progress since November. I could read and understand basic conversation in Russian. I still do wish to go there someday, even if its not for him.

It was SCARY to be who i was when i hit rock bottom like few weeks ago. So despair that omg even think about making a suicide video--ITS HORRIBLE!! but i am glad i come to good sense!! i was being nuts and i dont want to get to that point again EVER!!

I just think ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH.

Its hurt, its sad, horribly sad. I had to tear down pictures, put everything in a huge box, our pictures while in Europe, teddy beards and letters and all stuff he gave me.. omg we've been through a lot.... but its just not meant to be.... he just chicken out...

I am a strong person, a positive girl...

I know i dont deserve this, i know i dont deserve all the hurtache. Its just need sometimes.. and i do take my time... ahah it took me a while to get back here without feeling itchy and CRYING and stafrt to wrote stupid things hahah.....

I love all of you guys.. i do... you are all part of my love story with him...

I had to move on, and i had to heal.. one of the way is.. preparing my self to get here and tell this news to all of you.... i did it its just not happening and its over.

I havent mail him and said its over. I wont lie, there is a tiny bit HOPE that this all just misunderstanding (impossible) and he will change his mind and he had very good reason (that he forgot to tell) for all of this.

But thats delusional me who type that

Anyway..... i will try to go back as i was before... i love him so very much---still..... but its just not happening... not that we dont love each other... but maybe sometimes love just not enough

BTW he did make an effort--he pay for the Russian class..... he help me when i got difficulties about the lesson... he quite nice about that and i know he work his ass off to get settle there... but it will took time and time... is the one to blame beside distance in our relationship....

And ofcourse.... WHEN IT HURT.. ITS NOT LOVE ANYMORE....

[princessmeg1328]

I am so sorry, sweethear! I wish that things had worked out differently for you. Take some time for you. Keep yourself busy with friends and family if you can. I also completely agree with moon. I think you need to cut off all contact with him. Keep busy and not hearing from him is the only way to help yourself get over him. You need some time to heal, and you can't as long as you expect to hear from him. I hope that you start feeling even better soon. If you want to talk, please don't hesitate to PM me. I hope you stick around.

[LuvSsw]

It cannot be a coincidence that after a long time of not being on the site..when I finally check back in...it's not too long after you have posted. After having you be there as a source of strength for me when I went through my pain..I am sooo very sorry to hear of this happening to you. You...one of the kindest, gentlest people I know. It looks as if he has lost sight of the treasure before him...and in that case, he doesn't deserve you any longer..but I know that does not take away the feelings that you are dealing with right now. You are so right....when it hurts....it's not love anymore. So instead love yourself even more. I am here friend whenever you need....anytime you need.

[Jazi]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through so much with him before finally coming to a realization that he wasn't going to realistically end the distance with you. It would be absolutely devastating. from your update post you really sound like you are a very strong person and will get through this even stronger on the other side. You were brave enough to start to learn his language and commit to everything that comes with a LDR. He didn't have this same bravery, you will find someone who matches you in every way and is worthy of what you give them.

keep us updated

[Sierra]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hate to read it.

I can really relate. I was in a relationship that ended up being a LDR at the end. Things were hard for us, my family made it hell for us to even have a relationship and eventually the toll that it was taking on me, started to effect him as well. He got depressed, so depressed I couldn't pull him out of it. I waited for 4 months, trying to help him, to be there for him. I almost never slept, I was torn up inside, my heart was already broken.

I had to break up with him. At a certain point our communication had completely broken down, we weren't fighting, we actually talked every day but only for about 10 minutes and that was that. We used to write letters every day but we had run out of things to say and he had stopped writing because of his depression.

He didn't give me anything to fight for anymore and I wanted so badly to fight for us, I tried to fight for us. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life but I realized that when the bad days greatly out number the good, sometimes you have to break up. You have to have something to fight for, to hold on to, to motivate you. When you don't have this, even if you love each other, not even love can hold it together.

Stay strong.

[uniquefem]

Thank you very much, i just saw this post again... yeah i try to heal.. different person compare to 8 months ago.. slowly stronger for sure.. the itch still there.. and he.. somehow seemed also not eager to move on but i know its over.. just casual talk and he will avoid any talk about feeling or relationship and i dont want to do it anymore hahah i am not dumb when over its over

And just two month ago, i met someone online.. a red hair lad from UK haha hes crazy enough to get a flight ticket to Indonesia to meet me on my birthday next March :P so we will see about this.. he made me laugh again.. and .. so far he made me be positive person thats my recent update hope things goes well for you too havent heard from you for sometimes!

[uniquefem]

Yes, i am strong but even Xena the warrior princess will go down from multiple hits :P just very human i think.

I fall in love, i took the risk thinking this would be my last one but i learn from it. I never know i could love a person this much, never know i will be this brave girl cross the continent to see him by my self... learn his language is an advantage you had no idea how proud my boss at work when he introduce me and add "She speak Russian" lol its just funny i only know basic but i want to learn more.

From the beginning when i took the course i did tell my self even if we break up i dont want to quit this if i still have passion on it.. so there you go... i pass to 2nd level :P but right now quitting for a while since at work my project killing me.

Thank you for the wishes and comment.. i really appreciate it... i hope things goes well with you and your SO too!