Something something

[Swederica]

Ok so i suck at coming up with titles. But yeah i just had to write something, somewhere.

Anyway so i haven't been in person with my SO yet. But this weekend we had this magical weekend, we could just sit up and talk and cam and look at eachother hour after hour, we rarely even get those oppurtunities.
So now ofc the normal days hit in and she'll go back to school and i'll go back to ehrm, planning for my move to her town.
Sure that sounds like perfect. Like i'll get closer to her. Btw i'm not moving there just because of her, i'm going to attend a school there aswell.

This will probably everyone recognize themselves in, but i love her so extremely much. Seriously. These last 50 days seems so many and so long. I know it's short time and all, and maybe i'm just tired or hungry or something, but it feels like an eternity.
Plus a couple of our earlier plans have failed, so what if this does too?
I can't have that. I really need to be with her. All i want in this world is to hold her in my arms.
Yep that's right, I'm the guy in the relationship yet i have the hardest time coping with it. Of us two i'm by far the one who have been crying the most.

I guess this thread was absolutely pointless. Not even the ranting got any type of structure. But i just get so emotional from time to time. Like now after i've watched a new video she made for me. She sang her third song for me, and it was so beautiful i couldn't stop the tears from coming.

[agentholli]

awwww that is so sweet. I love it when you talk like this because sometimes I forget that men have feelings too..and its nice to see a guy's point of view on things. 50 days is nothing! Think of all the time you haven't seen her..and compared to that, if you blink you'll miss the 5 months. It will go by so fast i am sure

[Swederica]

Good that it was to some use!
Even tho i feel i'm pretty unique or something. I'm sure most guys are sensitive, they are just too busy keeping the macho-ness up.
Otherwise they may get called gay or something like that. It's so overrated the macho thing. There's nothing wrong to show some emotions.
Like we are human beings, not rocks hehe.

Yeah i know. Sometimes it feels like extremely much, and sometimes as nothing else.
When i think about it i got some stuff i have to do before i can get to her.
Like i gotta sell my comp, gotta visit the embassy, send the application and all stuff like that.

[Desya]

I think it's great that you have no problem showing your emotions. I'm sure your girl feels lucky to have a guy that is open. And I think it's true that most guys are sensitive (as much as girls) but are just afraid to show it.

I get really emotional too when I think about how much longer we have to wait to see each other again, even though I feel silly because we have actually had to do this wait before. So I know that it will go faster than I think, but I can't get over the emotion I feel right now.

Good luck with the embassy and moving.

[Swederica]

Thank you thank you.
When i told some of my friends about this whole thing, they thought i was crazy.
Especially one of them got like almost mad at me, and suggested i should go out and date various girls and have lots of short-term relationships.
But nah that doesn't really interest me. I'm much rather in a relationship where i really know the girl, and can trust her and always be sure that she'll be there when i need her help.

Hehe yeah. I realize that 50 days isn't that much. I suppose it's much rather the "What if's..." i'm more afraid of.
Like what if something happens with someone in my family so i have to stay here or yeah you know like anything.
That freaks me out from time to time. But i know that i'll be with her soon enough

[Swederica]

Ahh worries!! I hate to worry. Yet unfortunately i have easy to worry.
Katelyn got so easy in all this!!
Like i totally forgot about the alternative on putting my flight in the student loans, which would make it much much easier for me, since plane tickets are insanely expensive.
So i'm waiting for reply there from CSN, so there's one thing to worry about.
So well basically i have two worries, money worries and parent worries.
Her parents have accepted my existence very well so far, i gotta say.
They don't know about well our feelings, even tho they prolly got a hint about that.
Like they tell Katelyn to ask me stuff from them. Like if i knew that person.
Her mom called me Sven one day, since she heard that was a swedish name.
I have had email contact with her dad, in which he said quote "Your interest in my daughter is not really of great concern to me because I believe that she has good judgment when it comes to people"
So idk really what reaction to expect

So the other worry is money.
I forutunately have a host of options there.
Sell some stuff, work if i need and so forth.
So that isn't really a worry. It's just that i worry about it just because i can haha.
Idk i'm pretty weird.

Anyway so i officially declare this thread my own personal ranting thread.
I hope people don't mind that

[xsomanymilesx]

i'm the same, i always cry, my SO is definitely stronger.
my boyfriend is planning to come to the UK for school next year... its nerve wrecking.. all the waiting around to see if he gets accsepted or not - its like you cant do anything or plan anything because of one big thing... getting to be together in person. its a helpless feeling but i think its normal.
as hard as it is, we need to just keep focused on the future and know that our love will make us get through it.
good luck with everything !

[Swederica]

Ohh yeah that does sound very much like i have it, except well role reversed.
When it gets to the toughest point i just take a walk outside and think of all the things we'll do when the future arrives
Because as you say, the love makes us get through it.
Thanks and good luck with everything you too!

[Swederica]

Ok so i am officially the worst person possible handling my situation.
As some of the other threads i've sacrificed so much to be able to go that school in US.
According to the contact guy at the school i've been accepted and they have sent me the papers i need to continue with the visa thing etc etc.
So right now i'm basically just sitting and waiting for them.
Still i can't really fully shake the fear of this whole plan comes crashing down somehow.

At the same time i've started to miss my Katelyn more and more for everyday, after a period of healthy amounts of missing. At the moment i listen to one of the songs she's recorded for me and can't help but cry.
I just feel pretty lonely at the moment too. As said earlier there's some differences between my mom and me, so i've moved to my dad. But my dad isn't really home now but out on a businesstrip thing.
To top that off now exactly everyone of my friends have someting going on in there lifes, which makes it impossible for me to really talk or doing something with them.
No wait i have one final thing. My sister logged in on MSN and i immediately thought "how nice! someone to talk to" but very soon it stood clear that she's under the influence of my mom and said how damn immature i'm acting etc etc.
So here i am. My Katelyn will return for a short appearance before her school starts in about 2 hours.

I just hope this whole thing will go easy and smoothly forward and not be filled with the problems that is so characteristic for everything i try to do.
Katelyn is my biggest achievement in my life! And i will never let her go. Hehe sounded like i think she's a trophy. But seriously like She and the school is my plans for the future.
So yeah idk what i'll do if i lose either one of them.

Ranting once again.

[Angelieke~]

. I understand what you say about having those fears and feeling like things will go wrong. They are really hard to handle but it always helps me to think about those things: 'Have you any concrete reason to think it will go wrong?' 'Have you had these feelings before and then, did they turn out to be true or were it just worries?'. I mostly find that you can think yourself crazy.

Do things to keep your head off of it! Go outside! Exercise! Anything you like .

And by the way, you sound like a really wonderfull and sweet guy . I wish my SO could show those feelings more often

[Swederica]

Yeah you are right
I don't have any concrete reason to think it will go wrong :P
I suppose i'm still just scared that it will. So yeah thanks for the advice

Aww thanks
I think i have my wonderful girlfriend to thank for that.
Since she's encouraging me to show emotions

[ForGodAndNation]

First off I'd just like to say that love makes you do some crazy things. I know you are having a rough time with things man, but how me and my girl handle the distance is that we look at the big picture. If this is THE girl for you and you see marriage with her, then think what's 50 days in comparison to a lifetime together. The right girl will drive you to the end of the world. Get through the hump of things and any obstacle you end up surpassing in the process (because trust me, there's going to be something that will stand in the way at some point in this) is only there to serve as a reminder than you'll push through fire just to be with her. It'll make you the stronger and the better couple in the end.

[Swederica]

Very well said words
Thank you.

Actually i do see myself marrying her. Pretty weird considering our age but my love for her is so deep.
And we understand eachother so well and we want the same thing of life So yeah. Thanks again

[ForGodAndNation]

Love doesn't happen when you plan it so who is to say what's too young and what isn't too young? You know when you know man. Hope it works out for you and yours.

[Swederica]

Once again wise words

So i got the papers back from school
And i've been accepted and all. So now i will send those papers to my dear Sponsor Mr. CSN (Swedish National Board of Student Aid) so they can decide whether i'm worthy or not haha.
I'm so happy that everything is moving!!
Finally. Ahh just hope everything goes well for myself.