Moving in With his Parents

[Dziubka]

You're probably all thinking "here she comes with another stupid idea!", but value your advice and I feel that it helps me make decisions.

This isn't really about being long distance, or it is in a way, but not directly. Anyway, my boyfriend and I are now living together in Germany. I'm going to study in Poland, in my boyfriend's home city, for one year starting in October, while he's probably going to stay in Germany. Before he moved here to be with me, he lived with his parents.
Now that he's in Germany and I'm going to be in Poland, his parents have offered me to stay in his room while I'm there. I would contribute to bills and stuff, but it would be a lot less than a room in a shared flat or a studio apartment. I know I still have some time to make that decision but I figure it doesn't hurt to think about it in advance.
To help you (and me), here's a list of the +s and -s of staying with my "in-laws" vs. getting a place of my own or moving in with roommates

+ their place is in a pretty central and safe location, I would have a direct bus to uni
+ it's a real flat, with an oven, washing machine, dish washer, freezer, etc (how I miss having an oven!!)
+ I wouldn't have to move in with roommates. I could theoretically afford getting my own place, but it would be expensive and I would most likely have a long commute. Not something I want in a city with mad traffic.
+ it's cheap, because rent is crazy expensive in their city
+ his parents are really nice, they'll help and support me if I need anything

- I've moved out of home 5 years ago, I'm not used to living with parents anymore. I know they're not my parents, but they're still parents. And I'm scared they're going to try to take too much care of me. I'm used to cooking when I want to cook and not to "wait half an hour, then I'm going to cook dinner!!!" and they ask questions like "When are you coming back home?" which I know isn't really bad, but... I'm just not used to having to explain myself to anyone.

- his dad smokes inside. He's not home a lot, but still :-/

- living with the right rommates can be fun and I'd probably get to know more people

- What if I realize I don't like living with them and want to move out and they'll be offended? Everything might work fine, but I'm worried about this.


I know that in the end it's up to me to make that decision, but I'm having a hard time with it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to move in with them at least for the first time to go room-hunting there and atm I'm leaning towards staying with them for the entire time, but I just don't know...

What would you do? Has anyone ever moved back in with (their) parents after having lived on their own for a few years?

[snow_girl]

What a toughy! I lived on my own before being an au pair and it was awful. I went from having complete freedom to having to ask if I can go out. When I moved back in with my parents it was fine, they were more like room mates that cooked and did laundry for you I still had to ask if I could have someone over but it was more just habit then anything. Living with my SOs parents..hmm. My SO did it for 3 months with my parents when he was in Canada and it seemed to be okay, they got along really great. But if I was to move in with his, I suppose I would get used to it, but I'd still feel like I'd be walking on egg shells, I don't think I'd feel like I had freedom to do what I wanted without asking.
Do you get along with them? I think I'd want to live on my own, go out with friends late or have them over. Drink till you're drunk if you want, but if you live with them? Not happening. Maybe you could stay with them until you find something of your own? If you get along with them maybe meet up with them once every week or two weeks for a dinner. If you live with them I'd think I would feel obliged to hang out with them more then I'd want to and would feel bad for staying in my room if I wanted to, if you don't live with them then you don't have to worry about that so much.
Thats probably a lot of babble, but I hope it helps.

Also, if you are there to view flats and meet any potential roommates you might have a better chance at finding someone you'll get along with rather then if you found a place before you left....plus you'll save money that way too.

[Dziubka]

I've already stayed with them twice for a bit more than a month at a time and countless long weekends (together with my boyfriend of course) and it was fine.
Actually I could still party, drink and have friends over - they're absolutely fine with that. Especially seeing as on weekends, they're hardly ever at home. His mum's a singer in a band so most weekend nights she comes back in the early mornings (if at all) and his dad has a weekend house that he's at when he doesn't have to work (=on weekends).
The thing is... his mum can be a bit overbearing at times.
Like when she knew we came home late at night after some intense partying, we'd wake up to water, tea and a headache pill next to the bed. You mention you want to get something done, turn around for a second and she gets it done for you.
I'm not used to that AND I want to do my stuff myself. I LIKE cooking. I can do my own laundry. I can get my own headache pills and I don't mind taking the nightbus home even when I'm alone. I don't feel like going and fighting for these things *sigh*

[snow_girl]

They don't sound that bad. Maybe if you stayed with them you could tell them that you'd like to cook for them a couple days a week? I think moms are just like that and there probably would be no changing her wanting to help you and do things. If you can get past that, it doesn't seem like a bad deal living with them.

[Jazi]

it sounds great that you have such a good relationship with them that they are inviting you to stay! that is nothing to be sneezed at.

If you decide to take up their offer you should find out exactly what is expected of you BEFORE you move in, know the rules and the boundaries and maybe discuss with them what you expect from them.. or what you are/aren't comfortable with.

overall though it sounds like a great opportunity to save some money and get closer with his parents if things go well.

[lucybelle]

Why don't you say something like "I'd love to live with you guys but I don't want to be a burden. Perhaps I could live with your for a month or two until I get on my feet and find a place of my own? I'd be sooo appreciative!!" That way, you can test the waters. If after a month or two, you're cool with being with parents again, stay. If not, move out.

When I studied in CR I lived with a host family. I, too, went from being on my own to living with a quite over protective mother who would scold me for not calling when I'd be home late. At first it was really weird and made me angry. But I learned to live with it. She mostly stayed out of my hair, I just had to make sure to call if I wouldn't make it for dinner or something. Not the worst thing in the world

[princessmeg1328]

I agree with lucybelle. Stay with them for a month or two while looking for somewhere else to stay in case things don't work out.

I went back to living with my mom after being (mostly) on my own for five years. It's not too bad. It's nice not having to worry about shopping for food or doing laundry. Also, most of your money stays in your pocket. Each situation is going to have pluses and minuses. There's nothing wrong with trying the situation out before making a final decision.

[Softy]

Personally I would live with the parents.
Why?
Well first of all, it's family kinda now yes? So you know if there is anything they will be there for you.
And also you'll save up yes? So it's more money in your pockets to share with them and your SO.
That's how I see it