Am I just starting to be a little overbearing/ expecting too much?

[inlovewithYounes]

My boyfriend and I used to do soo much for each other when we first started dating. Of course that happens with most relationships when they start out... well maybe I jsut need to adjust and get used to it but I'm not totally sure... What do y'all think?

So the 1st of every month ( we met on the 1st) we would send each other a very special email stating the things that we loved about the past month, the things that we love about the other, are looking forward to in the next month, put love quotes in there and a lot of other neat things, ect. It was like our little tradition. I LOOOVE it! It would make us both so happy and realizing what an amazing relationship we have. <3 then we would also send each other a long or short message each morning that we woke up to let the other know that we were okay and would tlak to them later which is so awesome bc the time distance can cause issues so it sjut nice that we know the other is okay.........Well as time went by his 1st month messages started getting shorter and less all that " lovey Dovey" hehe. I mentioned it to him and he apologized and said he just has been busy which I understand and got over it and his next months was super great and sweet..... well i guess I just am really annoyed from this last week. The first of the month was here and I sent him something super great and sweet and he loved it and said thank you but never even sent me anything.... he broke our tradition and didnt even really seem to think about it when he was the one who was SOO big on it in the first place.. and his morning message he doesnt care about so much or even think of sending me ones right away .. later that week I had some time on my hands and wanted to make a picture message video for him instead of just sending him a pic that day. So I spent over 4 hours on it and sent it and he loved it and said "thank you! Ive never had anyone do that for me before!" I was soo glad that he loved it since it was the 1st one I had ever made! ... well then I woke up the next morning and waited around a few hours hoping to hear from him and sent him a little message and was wondering why he hadnt replied or sent me anything yet.... then come to realize he IS awake, its 4 pm over there and hes just hanging out wtaching soccer games..... I tried to get over the fact that he seems to not really think about me as much or think of doing things like he used to... until today when its like 5pm over there and I still hadnt heard from him after I sent him a long message. So I sent him another asking him if he is alright and apparently he hadnt slept all night, then went to college and then to the cell phone company to work out a problem there and then came home and slept some more... I understand he had a busy day but not even a quick hello past 5pm?.. that never would have happened in the past! I would be the first thing he thinks of when he got up and sent me a quick message so I dont get worried or jsut to say he has a busy day but is thinking of me.... He apologized and said he hopes I accept it. I said I did but it doesnt stop me from being sad or hurting a little bit. I just dont understand...

I just feel like he doesnt care as much anymore and doesnt think as much of me... Maybe he is used to me and all the things I do for him so its nothing new or exciting.. IDK Is this normal?

Any advice please?

[Jazi]

it sounds like he is moving out of that 'honey moon' phase a bit to me, after awhile I found that the lovey doveyness died down a bit, maybe just talk to him about it?

'hey why didn't you do the monthy msg last month? I thought it was our thing and I wondered why you hadn't sent one'

you could sit here and speculate all day long.. but you will only truly know whats going on if you ask him.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

It's definitely that he's moving out of the honeymoon stage.

I think, actually, it's a natural progression. It shows that there's a new, more comfortable dimension to your relationship. It shows that he doesn't feel the need to be constantly reassured of your affection. It's going to sound a little mean, but after a while, you stop thinking about monthly anniversaries. Especially when you're getting close to yearly anniversaries. And actually, eventually, you'll probably feel the same. It doesn't mean you love each other any less, but the milestones will stop being monthly and start being yearly, or by event (e.g. closing the distance, moving in together, getting married etc). It's normal, it doesn't mean your relationship is falling apart or that he's any less interested in you.

If you feel that badly about it, DO talk to him about it, because maybe you still enjoy/need that monthly celebration. But do keep in mind his wants and needs too.

[Zapookie]

Yes, the honey moon is over.

Once you become comfortable with each other, there's really no need to constantly re-assure yourself or him of your love. If it's there, the love will speak for itself. It doesn't need you to push it.

And I do think you might be bordering on the edge of overbearing. I understand my SO is busy sometimes, and he understands that I get busy too. I try to say hi to him and let him know what I'm doing when I can. I also think that you need to lower your expectations of him. Just because you do something for him, it doesn't mean that he has to automatically do it too.

I think the idea of doing something for someone is usually meant to be out of the goodness of your heart, not because you're expecting them to do the same in return. When I do something for my boyfriend... it's because I want him to enjoy whatever it is and feel good and smile even if it's only for a moment. I never think about what he'll give back to me.

[Secrecy]

Gonna agree with the other posters in that I think the "honeymoon phase" is slowly starting to fade. As was mentioned before, this is absolutely natural; it just shows some level of comfort that he is beginning to feel. He might no longer feel the need to be reassured of your affection all the time... Or at the same time, he may really BE busy and have very little time on his plate for the 'lovey dovey' stuff. It happens.

Understand as your relationship progresses, the amount of affection will begin to die down. However, that being said, there should definitely still be affection; it just will be balanced out with everything else in life. Just because he might be busy and might not be giving you a ton of affection doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You don't want to become too clingy, because in the end, it will probably begin to push him away, and he really WILL begin to be less responsive, and not for good or understandable reasons either.

I remember when my boyfriend seemed like he just didn't care, and that he was just becoming more and more distant by the day. I began to stress about this fact, for multiple reasons, and it ended up putting unneeded strain on our relationship... At least in my end anyways, and I suspect probably on his as well, despite he was incredibly understanding about my worries. I decided to back off and just let him do his thing, even if he barely texted me throughout the day... Because he still sent me "I love you" messages every morning, and it was enough to show me he cared for me, and now, things couldn't be better. Just realize that this tradition will probably eventually be broken, especially when months turn into years. Take note of the little things he does that shows you he cares, and take a look at the big picture instead of the little details.