Her ex is back in the picture :-(

[MountainLove]

The truth is starting to hit me like a ton of bricks. She's talking to her ex again. They were together for six years and started to break up about a year ago (i'm not exactly sure of the timeframe). About a week ago she started hinting that she is in a bad mood and through ambiguous FB posts I gather that she is talking to her ex. A few days ago she very nonchalantly tells me that he was at her graduation and celebrating with her family afterwards. And I keep seeing the dramatic posts ( I f'ing hate technology sometimes!) I should point out that we're not together, we've never been intimate in any way, and I have no tangible reason to believe that we're anything but friends. I met her three months ago one weekend in Chicago. Then me and my friends took a crazy spring break road trip to visit her and her friends. Since then over the past two months we've talked every day, literally. I've never felt closer to a woman without having actually had some physical imtimacy. She is coming to visit me next month. The truth that I feared all along is that the only reason she has been clinging to me all this time is to help her get over her ex, waiting until they got back together or until something else came along. I haven't heard from her in three days, and I haven't tried talking to her, but she is usually the one to call or text me so this is strange. How do I deal with this? In her shoes I think I might do the same. Getting back together with my ex might seem like a better idea than a relationship with someone a thousand miles away. I feared this was nothing but an impossible fantasy from day one, and I think my fears are coming true. Any sage advice or kind words would be helpful...

[redapple]

I think you need to get some idea from her what's going in between you two. I don't know if you've already discussed it but have you two talked about being anything more than friends? You could end up getting very hurt if you're not open with each other. None of us can really say if she's planning on getting back with her ex, six years is a long time and obviously they share a romantic past but that doesn't mean it's still there, some relationships just
fade out but the two people remain close. Or it could be worse case scenario and they are rekindling that flame. The only person that will know is her. Try to ask her in none accusing tone whats going on with he ex and talk about what you both see between you before you get hurt

[Jazi]

I think you need to get some idea from her what's going in between you two. I don't know if you've already discussed it but have you two talked about being anything more than friends? You could end up getting very hurt if you're not open with each other. None of us can really say if she's planning on getting back with her ex, The only person that will know is her. Try to ask her in none accusing tone whats going on with he ex and talk about what you both see between you before you get hurt

I agree, you really need to discuss this with her.. and you should think about discussing what kind of future you and her have as well as the feelings she has for him/her plans with their relationship (or lack of relationship..). If you feel confident enough and you feel you two are in the right place for it maybe also tell her your feelings for her, although only you can judge whether it is a good decision to tell her or not.

[Softy]

Yup, talk to her.
Good chances are she can't read minds~!
So let her know how you feel.

[LoveL]

I haven't heard from her in three days, and I haven't tried talking to her, but she is usually the one to call or text me so this is strange....

So get in touch with her.

Straight up ask her what you guys are. It's only fair to ask, since you have talked every single day for as long as you have, you need to know what is going on and whether or not you should invest into this. Seems like you already have. But she needs to know that you have. Have you guys shared intimate feelings? Have you said things like "I love you" or any of that business?

[MountainLove]

Thanks everyone. We have never really discussed our feelings or where we are going with this, but I was always ok with it and believe that actions speak louder than words sometimes. I have known since day one that she had lingering issues with her ex. In fact, we had both gotten out of relationships recently when we met and for that reason I knew that taking things very slow were best. And that has been the best part of this experience; I've never been able to take things slowly in relationships and the distance has forced me to do that; to just get to truly know her and care about her without having to worry about the physical intimacy and sex clouding my judgement.

I don't think she is going to get back with her ex. It was a very bad break-up and I don't see that happening. My concern is just that she is in a bad emotional state because maybe she does still have some feelings for him, and because she just graduated college and is unsure what she is going to do next. And I don't know where that leaves me. But you all are right, its time to have that conversation and put all the cards on the table. The hardest thing is the thought of having that serious conversation on the phone. She is coming to visit in three weeks and I'm not sure if I should wait until then to have the conversation.

[LoveL]

If you don't do it sooner rather than later, you may just be avoiding the inevitable.

Let's say you have this conversation now and it turns out that she still loves Mr. X, but was going to just kind of have a little fling you because she likes you "enough" to do that.
Let's say you have this conversation now and it totally sets off light bulbs in her head and she wonders why in the hell she would even risk hurting you by spending time with Mr. X.

You're absolutely right. Actions do speak louder than words. But words speak too.

Let's say you avoid this conversation and it turns out that she comes to see you. You fall even more madly in love with her and she runs right back home to Mr. X.
Do you really want to risk that happening?

Let's say you avoid having this conversation with her and it turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to you guys and it makes your trip together in 3 weeks the solidifying base for the rest of your relationship.

Frankly, I would want to know, right now, one way or the other if she cares about you enough to want to be committed to you. If she's not, then getting together in 3 weeks is really kind of pointless, isn't it? I mean, if you are planning on meeting as just buddies then that's fine. But I don't think that's what you have in mind.

It's better to know now, and to deal with it, than to wait and have it hurt more later. (If it's the negative.)
Even if it's the positive, I would want to know and add that much more meaning to your encounter.