Moving In? Too Soon or Not Soon Enough?

[schwee44]

Alright, this one doesn't really apply to me specifically, me and my friend just had this conversation last night and I thought it would be a fun discussion post.

Sooo, me and my other friend were wanting to move in together (before I can see my SO, sadly). Problem is, she wants to bring her boyfriend along. Now, I wouldn't really care that much about that if he weren't obnoxious and if they had been dating or at least knew each other for longer than a month. (okay, longer than year, really, but they've only been together a month) Is it wrong for me to tell her they need to chill out? They fight in front of me a lot, and I've moved in with a guy that I dated for two years not long ago. Long story short, moving it with him proved to me it wouldn't work out among other things. I can't get her to understand she's gonna see a-whole-nother side of him when/if they move in together- and she's already complaining about him a ton.

Then, in retrospect, I was thinking that when I go see my SO, I kind of have to move in with him while I'm there. Does that really make it any better than my friend? We've known eachother for well over a year and have been dating for 6 or 7 months and rarely fight, so yeah in that respect, I think it makes it better. My friend who I talked about this with says moving in (temporarily or not) is different for LDR's 'cause it's kinda necissary. I have to say I agree, but what do you guys think?

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense xD Been really ADD lately)

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

If you think it's too soon for them to move in together, you should be honest with your friend. If you're planning to move in with her, you need to enter into that with both of you being honest and open with each other. It's going to be much much worse and more complicated for you if, a month after all three of you living together, the two of them break up. It directly affects you and your living situation. And if theyre arguing in front of you already... Can you realistically put up with that on a day to day basis in your own home? As you say, in your experience, living together can change dynamics of a relationship and highlight all the reasons why two people shouldn't be together.
Having said that, it is up to her too, who she wants to move in with, and ultimately, she may choose to live with him over you. As they say, love is blind, and she may need to learn this lesson the hard way.
Try to be tactful, but talk to her about this. She might listen, she might not, and if things go smoothly for her living with him, you might have to eat your words. Living with someone, even with a friend, is a commitment, quite a big one, and although I couldn't tell you what decision is right for her and her relationship, you need to be honest about what you want out of living together.

[Zapookie]

I don't think it's different for LDR's. Temporary stays are not the same as living and doing every day life together. The bills, the groceries, who gets to take the car, who has to take the kids to school (if you have kids), who picks them up, who pays for what, who does the dishes, who takes out the trash, who cleans the shower etc. Of course, some people do this well together, and some don't.

My boyfriend lived with me for 3 months. It was awesome, but I know that's not what it's going to be like this time around. He was very sweet though in doing dishes when I didn't want to. We'd take turns cooking for each other.. all those little things. This time we'll be looking for our own place because I live with my mother. Once we do find an apartment, it's game on.

Also I just think your friend is naive in thinking that it's a good idea. She has to look at it realistically and be prepared for it to not be all sunshine and daisies.

[Darth_Taco]

I'm not gonna repeat what everyone else is saying because it's just gonna sound redundant :P. Anyway, how badly do you not want to move in with this guy? If you really don't want him along, I suggest you bullshit. You can tell her that you flat out don't like him, but that might not be cool for her since no one wants to hear about their friends not liking who they're dating XP. You can also tell her you're not interested in living with any guy you're not dating and aren't that close to.

[lucybelle]

I always like to tell my friends my honest opinion. If I don't like a guy, I say so. If I don't think they should move in together, I say so. But at the same time, I fully support whatever decision they make. My one friend hasn't been single in ages, is constantly jumping between mediocre men to make her feel good about herself, and just moved in with this kind of creepy guy who I don't like at all. I've told her all this. But, now that she's living with him, I try to be supportive and ask her how things are going without being snotty (which isn't easy!)

I guess my point is, you should tell her what you think, and then she's going to do what she's going to do. If they crash and burn, that's that. If they live happily ever after and have 5 babies and a dog, that's that.

Oh, and is he going to sign a lease? What happens if he moves out? Will he pitch in on rent? Are you even allowed to have 2 people per room? These are things you guys need to iron out first. Because if things don't go well for them, you need to know that your living situation will not be compromised.

[Zephii]

I think if she wants to move in with him in under a month it's her mistake to make and none of my business However, expecting you to move in with her AND some guy she's been dating a month isn't cool. Mates before dates and all that. Besides, it's not fair to you to have to put up with them fighting - living with people who fight all the time is very stressful and you can live without it, so yeah, stand your ground.

Staying with someone while visiting is nothing like living with someone. You're a guest when you visit, when you live together it's your home too - your rights and responsibilities are different. Likely your financial contribution is also much different. Thus there's less stress caused by visiting than living with someone, and from this there is less pressure on a fragile relationship. Not the same at all imo