Huge Blow to our Closing the distance plans

[Hololz]

At the end of July I move back to the UK after having lived in the USA for just over a year. My bf and I both go to university in the same city, we had made tentative plans to move in together once I returned, but they fell through for various reasons. Although this was dissapointing, we moved on and accepted this was probably for the best as we would both need our own space in our final year of uni. He has his own flat, which he has been renting since sept 2011. The plan was, for me to live somewhere else, and just have a key to his place. That way we could still have our own space, whilst also having the option of being together 24/7 if we wanted to. As a result I'm staying in the cheapest student accomodation I could find on campus.

Heres the problem:
He graduates 3 months earlier than me (march) becuase of the type of course he is on. He doesnt want to live in the city where we both studied, therefore he will be moving else where. He just found out that he can't renew his flat until march 2013, he would have to have it for the whole year (until sept 2013). He cannot have his flat until then because he needs to move out and find a job where he can as soon as he graduates. I'm worried we're both going to end up in student accomodation again because thats the only place he'll be able to find that will let him move out so early in the year. We have been in this situation before, and trust me, it sucked. We will go back to basically spending no time together because we'll both be working in our respective tiny rooms (no wifi), and not together in his lovley large flat (Wifi). I dont want this to be the reason I start to become distant again resulting in another communication breakdown, becuase our relationship will not survive it. (During second year I had so much work to do I just couldnt find meaningful time to spend with him - thus we made plans that I would be able to work at his place in the coming academic year). He doesnt get on with my friends so working at theirs will be an issue, we also go to different uni's so cant use the same library.

I know not much can be done about this until he manages to find new accomodation this summer, but perhaps if you have any tips about how to juggle work and a relationship? It might make me feel less worried about it all going tits up again.

Thanks

[Lilly9886]

Just a suggestion, why not get a flat with 2 separate rooms? well, I think it depends on the costs of living.. I don't know what 2 studentsrooms cost, but wouldn't it be cheaper to rent a flat together for one year and he moves out in the end of march and you just stay there until you finish school and over the summer (he could also visit you then on the weekends, depending on how far he is from you).

I think think it might be worth looking at a flat again, if he has to move out of his anyways?

and you can also study apart from each other when you have 2 rooms


Edit: also, you can rent a flat in the middle of your 2 unis so you both need the same time to go there and back
(sorry, I have no idea about flats and costs in the UK ^^, I only give advice on what I'd do here )

[kirbycat]

Okay, just to make sure I'm understanding the problem correctly: he's graduating in March, but isn't able to end the lease on his flat in March; he would be stuck with it until September. But he wants to move away right after graduating. Right?

If that's the problem, maybe he could look into subleasing the flat to someone else from when he moves in March until the lease ends in September. Then he could sign it over to that person. Or maybe that'd be more hassle than he wants (especially if he'll be moving far away). Or maybe it's not even possible...I don't know what the rules of renting are in the UK.

Otherwise, I'd agree with Lilly's suggestion above - look for a place with two rooms, to give yourselves more space. Also, I know that in the US at least, even the cheapest student housing is often more expensive than just renting off-campus. Maybe you could both try finding cheap flats close to each other, somewhere between your two universities? That way you'd still have your own space, you could both move out when you need to, and you wouldn't be isolated from each other on two separate campuses.

[Hololz]

Just a suggestion, why not get a flat with 2 separate rooms? well, I think it depends on the costs of living.. I don't know what 2 studentsrooms cost, but wouldn't it be cheaper to rent a flat together for one year and he moves out in the end of march and you just stay there until you finish school and over the summer (he could also visit you then on the weekends, depending on how far he is from you).

I think think it might be worth looking at a flat again, if he has to move out of his anyways?

and you can also study apart from each other when you have 2 rooms


Edit: also, you can rent a flat in the middle of your 2 unis so you both need the same time to go there and back
(sorry, I have no idea about flats and costs in the UK ^^, I only give advice on what I'd do here )

We did think about this originally, but due to him graduating 3 months earlier than me, I couldnt afford the rent on my own for the last 3-4 months plus I already accepted my offer of student accommodation and paid the deposit. :/

[Hololz]

Okay, just to make sure I'm understanding the problem correctly: he's graduating in March, but isn't able to end the lease on his flat in March; he would be stuck with it until September. But he wants to move away right after graduating. Right?

If that's the problem, maybe he could look into subleasing the flat to someone else from when he moves in March until the lease ends in September. Then he could sign it over to that person. Or maybe that'd be more hassle than he wants (especially if he'll be moving far away). Or maybe it's not even possible...I don't know what the rules of renting are in the UK.

Otherwise, I'd agree with Lilly's suggestion above - look for a place with two rooms, to give yourselves more space. Also, I know that in the US at least, even the cheapest student housing is often more expensive than just renting off-campus. Maybe you could both try finding cheap flats close to each other, somewhere between your two universities? That way you'd still have your own space, you could both move out when you need to, and you wouldn't be isolated from each other on two separate campuses.

You understood correctly :P Unfortunatley subletting is illegal in the UK I believe (just a quick google search)...

[lucybelle]

He can't suck it up and live there for 3 extra months? I mean that's nothing really in the scheme of things.

[Hololz]

He can't suck it up and live there for 3 extra months? I mean that's nothing really in the scheme of things.

In fairness, he did offer to do this, but he wouldnt have any money to pay the rent after he graduated until he got a job. He's a trainee nurse at the moment on the NHS diploma scheme, meaning he gets a bursary whilst he is on the course, but once he graduates this bursary will finish, so he'll need to find a job ASAP, or move to where he finds a job if he gets offered one before he graduates.
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I told him I didnt want him to wait around to find a job, I also dont want him to take a job in a place he doesnt want to live. He made a massive compromise for me by moving to my city, I wouldnt feel comfortable asking him to compromise again by asking him to wait to find a nursing job.

[kirbycat]

Is he totally opposed to living with someone else at all? Or could he find a friend or someone to live with him and share the lease for that year, and then still leave in March? His name would still be on the lease after he left then, but it'd just be the remaining roommate paying the rent until September. It'd have to be someone he really trusts, of course. But that way he's not subletting. And if subletting is illegal, people must have figured out non-illegal, alternative solutions to problems like this. I mean, people are forced to move at times that don't match their leases all the time, right? Maybe ask around among friends or classmates to see if anyone has any ideas.

I have no clue what the job market in his field is like in the UK, or how much of a job hunt he'll have ahead of him...but if I were in his shoes, I'd go ahead and renew the lease, and start conducting my job search from there. If the nursing field is currently anything like it is in the US, there's no guarantee he'll land a job within the first week, or even the first couple months, after graduating (my stepsister's a nurse, and it took her some 4+ months to find a job when she and her husband moved from Ohio to Maryland recently), and unless he has a specific location in mind that he wants to move to, he'll have to have a home base somewhere, right? He may (well, hopefully) end up having to move before the lease is up, but again, there must be some way to get around the no-subletting rule.

Also - why is going back to student housing the only alternative to his current place? Couldn't he just find another flat that will allow him to leave in March?


ETA:
As far as juggling work and a relationship - you probably already know more about that than I do. :/ Mine and my SO's schedules have been wonderfully easy since we started dating, so it's not a challenge we've had to face yet.

[ChibiFelicia]

Nursing here in the uk at the moment isnt too bad, depending on what he has specialised in. I know mental health aint that great for newly qualified nurses not sure about child. Adult however hasnt been that bad. My whole cohort is looking for jobs right now and i just landed one in the first week and a lot of my other class mates have landed jobs at the places they're training at. Then again the hospital im training at prefers (apparently) to employ linked university nurses first. Where he is right now can he not find a job in one of the linked hospitals/Trusts he trains at? Again as i said earlier depends on his speciality. My mental health classmates are finding it difficult to find jobs as they've closed down some of the bigger acute wards..which is stupid but whatever.