When hearing his voice hurts...

[Trisha]

I think I might be in love for the first time in my life.

My SO and I met in college. He's an international student from France, and I live in New York City. We've been dating for six months and care for each other very deeply. Now that the year's over, he's going home to France, while I'm here in NYC. We have to spend the next 15 weeks apart.

He is a very sensitive guy and wants to talk to me everyday, even if it's only for five minutes. But these five minute conversations torment me; hearing his voice makes me miss him so much more. Every conversation leaves me feeling unfulfilled. They just make me miss him more and it hurts.

What can I do to make these 3 months easier for both us? How can I balance our desire to talk daily with the pain I feel after every conversation?

[snow_girl]

I think you just have to get over it. Talking is way more important to keep the relationship strong while apart than not because its hard. Long distance relationships are hard! I think instead of dwelling on how much you miss him hearing his voice you need to flip your attitude to how wonderful it is that he wants to talk everyday and feel lucky that you have found such a great guy and look forward to hearing from him each day!

[Romeo s Juliet]

it is hard even though i talk with my SO very often it always makes me want more and more itsa good thing, not something bad. and you cant get over the fact you want to talk to him, its normal however there s somethings u should do

1) being LD you have to first trust him, thn you have to give him space to live his life. he wont be able to contact you all the time, always. you have to not take such things personal
2) communicate everything you feeel. i learnt that from wise people here. keeping your emotions bottled up is only going to create issues.
3) no matter the distance or arguments let the love you have for your SO emerge through all that
4) be patient
5) keep faith and always look at the big picture. dont be over emotioanl even when you feel so emotional when hearing his voice. if you want to vent you can do it in here
6) take time to concentrate on yourself, do things u enjoy alot, take time to grow as a person, and at th end of the day tell him everything about ur day

take one step at a time good luck

[Softy]

I do know what you mean.
When I hear my bf i'm happy but it does hurt at the same time.

Like that one time he called and there was from me a lot of silence.
He was like 'is there anything wrong?'
And thing is, I was just holding it in not to cry.
I was sooooooo happy to hear his voice yet so sad because I only wanted him to be next to me instead than on the phone.

We have to be patient : )

cheers

[Moon]

I agree with snow_girl. You can't just not talk to him, so just deal with it until you've adjusted to the situation. LDR's aren't always easy, but three months really isn't much time, it'll go by fast.

[x0kimberly]

As much as hearing his voice may hurt you, think about how happy you should be knowing that even though he's so far away, he's calling you and talking to you because he wants to be with you, despite the distance. I think that's one of the most important things to remember in a LDR, that despite the distance you're loved by someone.

[Phantomrose]

Try to think about the positive side to hearing his voice. I know that it can hurt, but be happy that you can talk to him, and that you are communicating with him. The key here is to try to think positive of the current situation. Being in an LDR can be tough, but there are some positive sides to one. For example, you can find new, creative ways to spend time with each other! It is always pretty fun trying to think of new ways to spend time with each other, such as playing online games, or streaming movies, or tv shows at the same time.

[sewbama]

So the first few weeks are going to be the hardest. It's going to be difficult to get into a new routine and get used to being in love with him while he's far away. So just push through. Cry a lot. It's just going to hurt. Just try to get through it for now. You're very lucky to have an SO that does want to talk every day. Communication is the most important part of a relationship, especially an LDR.

When I met my SO, we could see each other every weekend. Sundays were the hardest day, but Fridays were amazing. While we were apart, it helped me to write. I wrote every day, sometimes more than once. Some days I'd write pages and pages, others just a few lines. But it helped so much to just write down that I missed him. When you're talking to friends and family, you can't just drone on and on about missing him and how amazing he is, but you can write it and there will be no one to judge you. That's just what worked for me.

It really sounds like you guys have a solid foundation, despite only six months together. He sounds like he really cares for you. Just hold on. You can get through it. Good luck!

[Trisha]

Thanks for all the great advice, everyone!

I think it's right that the first few weeks will be the hardest and that I just have to get used to it. I have to tell myself that three months isn't that long and that I'm strong enough to deal with this. It's hard to think positively, but it's definitely key here!

I'm glad I've found an amazing support group here!