break

[**DollFace**]

we are taking a break all summer and i am having such a hard time with this. help?

[Lunar Snow]

*Sigh* Well, usually when I say that I want to "take a break," or if other people have had them said to them, it turns into a break-up. Sometimes it is a way of saying that you don't want to be with someone any more or sometimes it is a way of buying time to consider whether or not to stay with someone. I'm sorry I don't have better news about that, but maybe some one else can offer a different perspective. I have found that when most couples try to get together after a break, there are usually hurt feelings because one of the partners (or both) had a fling with/ saw other people and that can lead to jealousy and fights if that element was not discussed or agreed upon before (and even if it was). I can't help but think that taking such an extended break would compromise a long-distance relationship (if there is also a break from any sort of contact, too).

Did you both agree to take a break? Does taking a break mean you cut off communication with each other for the summer? Can you see other people? I think that if it is mutually agreed upon and some ground rules have been set down, then maybe it is just out of a need to reduce stress for the summer (I would totally be unhappy, like you are, but I am trying to see things from a different perspective...although it seems like a rather lame alternative perspective). However, it seems like you are uncomfortable and unhappy about this decision and I hope that you can talk to your SO and express your discomfort and ask some of these questions or other questions you may need to ask. That made me think of saying "Do not go gentle into that good night"...and I know that poem is about something different, but I feel that you could apply that philosophy to this situation; talk to your SO and reveal how you are feeling, before you are left suffering for a summer.

[lunamea]

I think breaks can help and bring people closer together again because they get a chance to sort their feelings out, but all summer seems quite long. I also echo what Lunar Snow said that we need to know more of the context.
Personally, a break in which dating other people is okay would never work for me. The purpose of a break is to think about your relationship and find out if you still want to be with the other person, not to find someone new. I have never actually taken a break yet, though, even though my husband and I had been thinking about separating and living apart for a few weeks when I get back home. After talking about it, we decided to try living together "normally" again, though, and hope that things work out that way. Sorry that I'm not much help. I can empathize with you, I wouldn't want that long a break, either.

[Belle]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through that. I took a break from my ex-boyfriend a few years ago. It was definitely to think about if i wanted to be in the relationship anymore. It gets difficult sometimes and truth is, it usually leads to a break up. Mine was inevitable at that time but i really didnt know how to deal with it yet. I think that if there is something wrong, there is no better way to solve it, then together. Being apart for such a very long time can be counterproductive. I really hope the best for you. I really think you should talk to him though. Like lunar show said, there should be clear agreements as to the purpose of the break. Best of luck.

[Cayley Lee]

If you don't know exactly what your partner means by "take a break" you'd better find out. It means different things for different people.