After brief contact with me through text for the past few days saying she misses me and trying to find out what I'm up to. After I paid for tickets she asked me to purchase for her two weeks ago and her not getting on the flight. Instead of trying to make arrangements to see me in the future or anything, my now EX notified on Facebook that she is single. We are no longer in a relationship. A definite blow to me personally, but at this point I'm done crying my tears because of how she handled things. If she wanted a clean break due to her being overwhelmed with things at home then that's fine. I really believe there was some familial influence involved which one cannot fight. My father alluded to that being that my former SO and I are an interracial relationship and I met all of the family members except the father who pulled her away a bit. I also realize she has things still at home, but I really think she did irreparable damage to any future potential of 'us' in the future. Even friendship, I'm not sure at this time or even within six months being her friend.
Anyways I'd like to share something for you all currently in LDRs. I truly believe things can work and two people who love each other deeply but there are a few things. I will post a few things that I believe my SO and I did correctly in our relationship in its phases and what ultimately destroyed it.
-Love. First and foremost. Nuff said.
-Communication. Obviously #1 and key. Communicate with each other the status of the relationship. Is it an open relationship or are you committed. Be sure to communicate to stay involved in each others lives.
-Committment
-Set an end date. You need to communicate what is a feasible date for you two to be together.
-Regular visits. Through the course of September through now in May either my SO or myself saw each other in the months of Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan, March, April. I seriously tried to see her every six weeks if possible and she came a few times to see me obviously. I think it is also important to grow the relationship during these times together not just maintain. Things lose their enchantment when becoming routine which I will talk about later.
-Sex! Phone sex, Skype sex, sexting. Always fun in a relationship to keep that intimacy going.
What went wrong...?
-I think there was a possibility of routine and predictability in our LDR that made things boring. Either that or we were both busy with things and stressed. I urge you two to be yourselves in the relationship.
-Being mature individuals you should both make efforts in terms of paying costs. If not then there will be some brooding resentment in the future. This didn't happen on my ex's end, but there were times when that was a slight strain and now that it is over i'm bitter about spending money on things with her.
-I think this is one of the MOST important things to remember when entering a LDR. Both of you two NEED to be in the same phase of life. I'm 28 and my ex was 22. She was just going to graduate in a few months. During the last few days she has been confused in terms of her direction in life. Sadly I was not one of those people included in her future life. She could be stressed out and I'm sure of that too, but again I believe it is important. You can't force one individual to be on the same page, instead you both need to be to begin with.
-Lack of communication. This includes omitting information from your partner.
Just a few ideas on what makes LDRs successful and things that can cause major problems. As far as me right now. I admit I'm hurt and angry. Part of me does not care because she showed me the lack of respect and commitment she had at the end so I am more sour towards that than dwelling on whether or not she loves me. That's just my story. I've known plenty of LDRs that have been successful and worked out so please continue guys. God Bless!
Anyways I'd like to share something for you all currently in LDRs. I truly believe things can work and two people who love each other deeply but there are a few things. I will post a few things that I believe my SO and I did correctly in our relationship in its phases and what ultimately destroyed it.
-Love. First and foremost. Nuff said.
-Communication. Obviously #1 and key. Communicate with each other the status of the relationship. Is it an open relationship or are you committed. Be sure to communicate to stay involved in each others lives.
-Committment
-Set an end date. You need to communicate what is a feasible date for you two to be together.
-Regular visits. Through the course of September through now in May either my SO or myself saw each other in the months of Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan, March, April. I seriously tried to see her every six weeks if possible and she came a few times to see me obviously. I think it is also important to grow the relationship during these times together not just maintain. Things lose their enchantment when becoming routine which I will talk about later.
-Sex! Phone sex, Skype sex, sexting. Always fun in a relationship to keep that intimacy going.
What went wrong...?
-I think there was a possibility of routine and predictability in our LDR that made things boring. Either that or we were both busy with things and stressed. I urge you two to be yourselves in the relationship.
-Being mature individuals you should both make efforts in terms of paying costs. If not then there will be some brooding resentment in the future. This didn't happen on my ex's end, but there were times when that was a slight strain and now that it is over i'm bitter about spending money on things with her.
-I think this is one of the MOST important things to remember when entering a LDR. Both of you two NEED to be in the same phase of life. I'm 28 and my ex was 22. She was just going to graduate in a few months. During the last few days she has been confused in terms of her direction in life. Sadly I was not one of those people included in her future life. She could be stressed out and I'm sure of that too, but again I believe it is important. You can't force one individual to be on the same page, instead you both need to be to begin with.
-Lack of communication. This includes omitting information from your partner.
Just a few ideas on what makes LDRs successful and things that can cause major problems. As far as me right now. I admit I'm hurt and angry. Part of me does not care because she showed me the lack of respect and commitment she had at the end so I am more sour towards that than dwelling on whether or not she loves me. That's just my story. I've known plenty of LDRs that have been successful and worked out so please continue guys. God Bless!
I think it's admirable though that you've managed to learn something from the whole experience despite the pain you're feeling right now. Thank you for the advice and positive wishes; like lala I think that every couple is different, so certain conditions will apply more to some than others, but at least you for one will know what to watch out for with your next partner (LD or not). You're a good guy with a lot to give - I really hope things start to look up for you soon and you find someone who is on the same page as you in as many ways as possible. Good luck and take care 
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