Stress, planning, money, headaches, ahh.. help?

[XxFranticLovexX]

I'm saving money to visit my SO. I'm trying to talk to him about it but he doesn't see why I need to save so much (which isn't really a lot at all, just the money for gas and a couple hundred dollars 'just in case' ) or why I'm stressing so much. Anyway, that aside, as it isn't the issue here.. I am totally stressing myself out trying to plan everything and trying to avoid stressing him out with it as well.
I think that I should also help pay for food and basic things while I'm there, he says that everyone would probably be against that. I don't want to feel like I'm just there mooching off of people, that I haven't met before, for like a week though.
My thought process: How much I need to save, how much I have, how much I still need, what all I need to pay for, when I will leave, how long I'll stay, what I need to pack, how much to pack, what we will do, where we will meet, where will my friend stay (the first day I'm there), what if he doesn't like me, what if he doesn't want me there, what if they don't like me, etc, calming down and trying to not worry.. then repeat but add in other things.

I am just stressing out over things in general and I guess I would like any advice on how to go about things to keep from stressing out so bad and making the planning process worse than it has to be? I over think things a lot and I'm doing it with this as well. I want this to be a good experience for everyone involved, including myself, but the more I think about it, the more stressed I get and the whole process starts all over again. I talk with him about it but I really don't want to bother him with it to the point of stressing him out too and I can tell that it frustrates him when I dwell on it too much, so I'm coming here.. and I know I'm rambling but, help?

[Romeo s Juliet]

i would like to start by saying i am the same as you when it comes to things, i am a perfectionist, aways trying to plan and do things the perfect way. but with being LD i learnt that it is hard to perfect something that way. what you have done is making the whole visit to him as a project of your own, and trying to perfect it alone. and we all have been there, done that. but what you need to know is ok friest close your eyes fro 5 mins and calm down.
what you have to remember this this is not a individual project you are trying to create into perfection. i see that you are so involved in the process that it stresses you out so much and even though you try to not stress your SO with what you are feeling, he surely sees through it.
so what you need to remember is it is a group project, one that involves you and him. so calm down. the best way is assign a time during the day that you think about everything from planning to packing for the trip. after that time dont think about it till the next day you get to think about it again.

about the money matters, i know you are fretting over it, but you do not know the situation there exactly, if he says that everyone would be against that i think you should take his advice on it. he definitely knows better about the situation there and its fine that you carry an extra couple of dollars with you, but do not over do it. just take your SO s advice about the money matters, and dont stress ur self thinking that you are mooching off of people, you are going there for a vacation to see your SO. why do you even start to think you are mooching off people in there?

so first relax, assign a time of the day to think and plan, do not worry after that till the next ttime you get to think and plan. and its ok to carry a couple dollars to pay for things, but dont over do it. let your guy handle the money matters once you are there. if a need arises. you can contribute anyways.

[Softy]

First of all, stop stressing sweetheart because it's not healthy :P
But I understand, I'm a planner too, I like things organized and I don't like to depend on anyone.

That being said, plan and save up so you feel comfortable.
And when you get there, things will go as they go.
Don't think too far ahead.

When my bf visited me for the 1st time, he had a lil money and had a credit card in case.
I also had a lil money aside for us to buy food and go out a lil.
We kinda did take turns, I paid for the grocery.
We went out once, he paid and then I did (we took turns).
Whatever you both feel comfortable with, don't stress it.
And if he insist on paying, sure let him and when he visits you, or next time you guys go out, you can pay.
Just balance things and make sure you are both ok with it.

About insecurities like 'Will he like me'.
You cannot know until you meet and see.
And worst case, if it doesn't work out I'm sure you will be both respectful enough to be nice to each others still.
But don't worry about that, just enjoy the moment and let things be what they are

I'm sure all will be fine.

cheers

[Moon]

I hear ya, I always expect to pay my fair share, too. I don't know how much you'll need, but a few hundred sounds safe. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you feel comfortable with how much you have before you go, but if he offers to help LET HIM This is a trip for you both, and while I'm all for being prepared and paying your part, there's no reason that you should shoulder the total cost yourself, since he's part of this equation too.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Really late reply here, but I kinda avoided this thread to try to avoid stressing myself out on the matter again. ^^;;

Thank you guys. Reading your posts makes me a bit more comfortable knowing that this is more common and that it is totally normal to stress. They also help me see reasons as to why I should just step back and try to relax. ^_^;
This is the first ldr I have been in so most of the things that make it differ from cd are all new to me, including the visit planning aspect. ^^;;

I'm starting to calm down about everything more. Apparently he is working on things on his end as well and trying to get everything there planned out while I work on saving and planning everything here.
He also told me tonight that I may be able to save the money for half of the trip because his friend said she would help us out and possibly give me a ride there since she will be traveling close to where I live soon-ish. We aren't sure on the matter yet though, but knowing that he's working on things too (without me having to ask/tell him to help) takes a lot of pressure and stress off the situation for me.

[mofet]

See! It looks as though he really is supporting you.
I agree with you about wanting to pay in your fair share. That's perfectly reasonable, and I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
However, let's say you're $20 short, I don't think that will become much of an issue haha. Considering, especially, that you're making the trip. If he offers to pay for something, it's also because he wants to treat you, so don't refuse it completely. He really is part of the equation, and if he weren't well, that's when I'd be stressing and worrying, not the other way around.