can't sleep
i think its been 2 months since my LDR ended (almost a year and a half). first month was all about sadness and anger and crying and just trying to heal. i'm fine now, i realize that she did a lot of crappy things that hurt me tremendously and i deserve someone way better than her.
but for the past week or 2, i haven't been able to go to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning. i guess it's because she lied so much and i found out about it, yet she refuses to admit to it. i mean, was it all just a lie from the start? that's what bothers me, was this whole relationship a big fat lie? or did she change? and why am i racking my brain trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't when i should be getting over her?
there's just this knot in my stomach and my heart aches every night i go to bed, but i don't miss her. the person i loved is long gone, and someone took her place and i don't miss what i left. maybe i miss what she used to be? well yeah, of course 'cause she was great when we first met. our 6 month anniversary came along and she was still this great person that i'd spend hours and hours talking to. then it went downhill, and it kept going downhill until it crashed and burned.
she pulled a 180 on me and went from a mature, serious-relationship girlfriend to being an immature, 'i don't want to be attached to a computer' hurtful person. yeah, i get that an LDR isn't for everyone, and that it would take a long time for us to actually meet. but she understood that going into this relationship. if she couldn't handle it anymore, why not talk to me instead of lying and pretending like everything was ok while she went behind my back and broke my heart?
i'm not sure why i'm rambling on here, i don't think i'll find any answers anywhere. but tonight i just couldn't take the knot and the heartache anymore, and this site always tried helping me, so i thought i'd just post my woes here. maybe it was my subconcious trying to tell me something (just realized June 1st would have been our anniversary) but i just had to write it all out on here. thanks for taking the time to read about my troubles, i know there are plenty of happier stories out there lol.
but for the past week or 2, i haven't been able to go to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning. i guess it's because she lied so much and i found out about it, yet she refuses to admit to it. i mean, was it all just a lie from the start? that's what bothers me, was this whole relationship a big fat lie? or did she change? and why am i racking my brain trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't when i should be getting over her?
there's just this knot in my stomach and my heart aches every night i go to bed, but i don't miss her. the person i loved is long gone, and someone took her place and i don't miss what i left. maybe i miss what she used to be? well yeah, of course 'cause she was great when we first met. our 6 month anniversary came along and she was still this great person that i'd spend hours and hours talking to. then it went downhill, and it kept going downhill until it crashed and burned.
she pulled a 180 on me and went from a mature, serious-relationship girlfriend to being an immature, 'i don't want to be attached to a computer' hurtful person. yeah, i get that an LDR isn't for everyone, and that it would take a long time for us to actually meet. but she understood that going into this relationship. if she couldn't handle it anymore, why not talk to me instead of lying and pretending like everything was ok while she went behind my back and broke my heart?
i'm not sure why i'm rambling on here, i don't think i'll find any answers anywhere. but tonight i just couldn't take the knot and the heartache anymore, and this site always tried helping me, so i thought i'd just post my woes here. maybe it was my subconcious trying to tell me something (just realized June 1st would have been our anniversary) but i just had to write it all out on here. thanks for taking the time to read about my troubles, i know there are plenty of happier stories out there lol.
Talk to your friends and ppl around you.
) just don't lay there thinking about it! Keep busy during the day, exercise lots, my mind might not be tired but if my body is it often helps. Having the radio on often helped me too. If you're really struggling go see your doc, no sleep at all is no fun!
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