Depressive mood: How to fight

[Irina_Linn]

Hey guys I am new to this site and actually happy I found it as I really feel depressed this days.I am working in a place I really hate but its compulsory as its my second intraining and I havent met my BF for 6 months already which is really hard as before we lived one year together and used to be near each other 24/7.Now I am alone in the country as even all my friends finished college and left home (we have international uni) and well he is in his home country too looking for job.He wants to come see me but its hard for him at the moment and at times I dont even want to write him or anything as I am just tired of writing and would love just to talk on the phone or in person with him.I love him more than anything in the world but I really need some advice how to fight my depression of being alone.Thanks

[Phantomrose]

Hmm, why don't you try to get your mind focus on other things while enduring the distance? Finding a new hobby to stay focused in can help, as well as keeping your mind occupied on the positive things that are happening in life. Maybe, try creative ways of spending time together. Online games can be a great way to bond, and spend some good time with each other, as well as watching a movie at the same time. Do you have Skype on the pc? If you both do, you can try skyping an camming with each other. Sometimes I get in depressed moods too, but as long as you try to keep positive and focus on other things, then you should be fine. I hope this helps you!

[nurseliberty]

Don't have much to add, but wanted to say welcome. I'm struggling right now with some severe depression myself (medical problems, cancer). I know all too well how hard it is to do anything when you feel so depressed. It's a struggle.

I'd say it's especially hard for you since you once lived together and were used to being with each other nearly 24/7, and now you're alone, in different countries, and struggling. Definitely try to keep your health up. Eat well, even if you don't feel like it. Take care of yourself and get some exercise. Can you not talk with your BF on the phone? Maybe I'm not reading this right (chemo brain) and misunderstood, but if writing is hard maybe take a break for a day or two?

I know this past weekend, I've been really, REALLY down. I cancelled my Facebook account, and I just haven't even gone online much. I am really struggling with how to cope with being so ill, financial struggles all of a sudden, being a single mom with two kids, etc. It wasn't easy before, but with cancer on top of it and not knowing what's going to happen, I've really had a hard time lately talking with my fiancé'. He understands how awful I feel and such, and I know it's hard for him too because he can definitely tell how depressed I am. We've gone to not talking on the phone so much because I feel bad that I just sit there. I am going to talk to him about talking at a different time. Right now we are talking late at night, about midnight my time. He's two hours behind me, so while I am exhausted and trying to stay up (I am a night owl anyway, but I'm finding it harder and harder to stay up so late) to talk on the phone. It helps that he works every other day (firefighter) and as such we don't usually talk the nights he works. I'm going to see if there's a different time we can talk (though it won't be easy with summer vacation beginning for my kids this week!).

I really feel for you. I don't know if you've struggled with severe depression before, but I have and it's just rotten. If you really feel you are getting really depressed you might consider talking with your doctor about it. I know it's hard to just exist yourself being depressed, so I totally get where you're coming from even though our situations are a bit different. Is there anyone near you you can talk to, friends? I know it says your friends all moved away with jobs and whatnot. Even if there are no old friends around, try to at least get out of the house and do some hobbies. Easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I know. Above all else, I hope you can talk with your BF and try to come to an agreement about communication, etc. I don't know if its possible for you guys to talk on the phone much, or whatnot, but if you need a break from one style, tell him. See if you can't come up with a better way to keep connected. Definitely tell him what's going on though, and that you're down. He probably is too. I know my fiancé' is very down because he feels so helpless, not being able to "fix" things for me. It's very hard.

Anyway, I didn't mean to write a novel here...just wanted to reply and say I definitely get where you're coming from. I hope things start looking up for you. Let us know how things are going.

[Romeo s Juliet]

hi welcome to LFAD

i m so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. this is a time you need to be strong because, believe me long distance relationships are hard, the missing and longing to be with him is not gonna be more easier. so you need to be strong and remember that the little time away from is well worth it
depression is hard. i know how you feel. but its in your hands to make the situation change in a way that is ok for you.

I dont even want to write him or anything as I am just tired of writing and would love just to talk on the phone or in person with him.

this ^^i think this is not a very healthy situation. it s normal to be overwhelmed by being away from him and all, but you need to communicate with him and tell how you feeel, regular communication is a must if you can. you cannot let your relationship suffer, because of the circumstances you are in. yes phone calls are expensive depending on the country, but there is always instant messaging, facebook, email and skype.
you can buy a cheap mobile plan that allows you to call internationally.
at the momenet you need to understand calling frequently and meeting s not an option. so please be strong. it is worth the wait

[Zephii]

Just a note: Not everyone can afford to call, and not everyone has internet access. They are things we take for granted, but we can't assume everyone has them. I imagine there's quite a time difference between India and Switzerland too.

To the OP: It's hard. I bet you feel rather like you traded a relationship for a pen pal. But you know what? It's not forever. This little bit of heartache will be nothing compared to a life time together, and you just have to hold onto that. There's nothing abnormal about how you're feeling.

I find the best way to manage depression is with exercise. It releases hormones that make us feel better, which can really help. Also, you'll make friends if you're out walking/jogging/taking a yoga class. There might even be something free on campus, so look at your resources.

You need to be your own best friend sometimes. Do something fun, just for yourself! Joining in with clubs at uni, or volunteering for a charity will get you more involved with people which will meet your basic human social needs.

You can get past this, and you're not alone. This site is full of people who feel how you do, or have faced the challenges you are facing and survived. We're all in this together. Hold on just one more day

[Irina_Linn]

yeah we have skype but time diff is 4 hours and i work at diff shifts so its really hard to find suitable time but thanks

---------- Post added at 04:45 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:43 AM ----------

THANKs a lot! you really encouraged me and inspired not to feel low!well yeah atleast i can enjoy some things in life like being young and living in good country...and i hope you feel better too! i had depression only once maybe but it was enough for me...i try to tell myself i need to get out of it but i guess u understand me,at times u just feel like lie down and stare at the wall.well i just pull myself together and do it and i wish you the same!

---------- Post added at 04:47 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:45 AM ----------

thank you for your advice! well i do sketching and recently all my free time i occupy myself with it but still at times i feel like doing nothing.the problem is that i work and after work i do not have time or money for sport or whatever classes.but yeah i will consider jogging maybe and thank you once again for your support! it means a lot to me

[LeilaniJoi]

Personally I have found that meditation helps me tons. We CD over a year ago and I still deal with the fallout from my move and leaving everything, and everyone except him, behind. I have a great job but not a lot to do outside of the house and I still deal with depression on and off. Simple meditation and grounding exercises have helped me tons because I tend to over analyze and brood on things that I shouldn't be worried about. Just a thought for you along with the other solutions.

[Irina_Linn]

because I tend to over analyze and brood on things that I shouldn't be worried about.

wow this is so much me.i should definetely try it out as i have noticed i just make up some problems and worries at times which are not even real...can you pls recommend some excersises on meditation or maybe a web-site?

[skye_michelle]

I suffer from sever clinical depression, and my boyfriend leaving made it even worse. We're in the same time zone, but he spends a lot of time with his family, and I work doing odd jobs and stuff, and it makes it extremely hard for us to talk.

I've found the thing that makes it the easiest for me is to take like a little time out of my day to think about how it's gonna be when we finally are back together again. I also had him ship me a stuffed animal of his, and I sleep with it every night.

It's not much, but it helps me a lot

[Irina_Linn]

aw this is cute i have so many presents from my BF and i also like keeping his perfume in my room and putting on my pillow before sleep...then i feel closer to him

[DemonxOisin]

Borderline here (which means I have moments of extreme and unexplainable depression/anxiety/anger). I find that the best way to deal with it is to go out and do things, no matter how much you donīt want to. Even if youīre tired and cranky, or even if your having one of those "I donīt even want to leave my bed today" days. Think of one of your favourite activities. For me, my friends are a bunch of limitless idiots, always looking for adventures that end up being more hilarious than successful. On my bad days I tend to think "I donīt have enough energy to hang out with them," or "Why am I even friends with them, they are freaks :S"

They started ignoring it when I donīt answer them. They come to my house and drag my unwilling self out the door with them, no matter how much I complain. And the thing is, I ALWAYS enjoy being out with them, because itīs an activity that I really like doing, but when I am feeling depression, I forget that. I only focus on the negatives.

So I recommend that one day, when youīre having a pretty decent day, make a list of all the activities and things to do in a day that make you really happy. They could be anything from hanging out with friends, to enjoying a coffee at your favourite cafe... But just make a list of happy things that you truly enjoy. You could just have them as a list to chose from, or if you wanted to be more creative, you could put them on little pieces of paper and put them in a jar so you can draw one out, and be surprised every time. But either way, when you feel really bad and negative, do something on that list. Donīt let yourself make excuses, just go and do it. Then youīll at least have one nice thing that happened that day, and you can keep building positiveness on that.

I really hope that made sense :/ Best of luck to you, and I also wanted to say that your avatar picture is really cute! :3

[skye_michelle]

aw this is cute i have so many presents from my BF and i also like keeping his perfume in my room and putting on my pillow before sleep...then i feel closer to him

I have some of his shirts I sleep in too. If I'm having a bad day, I'll just wear it all day and go to bed in it

[Irina_Linn]

thanks a lot! for the compliment and support yeah i guess i am a regular Starbucks cusomer now the thing is i do not have friends here really,not kidding,only in a city that is 2 hours away and she is studying so our timetables do not often match.but yeah i try do things,as i said i sketch.sadness somehow inspire me lol

[efish1042]

Disclaimer - These are mostly just coping mechanisms, things to help. There may be clinical reason that needs treatment. But here are some things that helped me when I was depressed.

1.) GO GET SOME SUN! Being out in the sunshine has been "shone" (puns!) to raise hormones levels in your brain to make you happier. Not always cheery, but better. When you're depressed you really don't feel like going out so you tend to stay in your house in darker settings or go out at night if at all. Sunshine Helps! Just get up and go!

-It will also help to let more light into the house. No closed curtains, open windows (it's nice out now!), lamps on at night... LIGHT!

2.) If he is adamant about not seeing a doctor, then just get him talking. Maybe there's a root of the problem and it's not just random hormone changes. If so, help him in whatever way you can. If that means solving a problem or just keeping his mind off of whatever, then do it. Anything for him, right?

3.) LAUGH! Get him rolling on the floor laughing. The more depressed he gets, the harder it is to laugh. Watch a funny movie! (Averngers was hilarious, btw). Watch a comedy stand up! Just start laughing yourself, it's infectious! Even if it's something random, if you get laughing then he is more likely to laugh, too. Especially since he will likely think you're cute if nothing else.

4.) He needs to get busy. Hobby, work, school, reading, running, exercising, playing a sport, ANYTHING! Distractions. He needs to be busy AND active. Endorphins, endorphins, endorphins! Activity = endorphins

5.) Lots of Love! Notes, texts, suggestions. Large declarations, little thoughts, random hearts. Even just a "Hi. Love ya " Feel the Love!

There are more things that didn't pop into my mind, I know. Also, this may just deal with the surface of the problem. These things may make him start to feel better and move on on his own or he may need some therapy (home variety, is he refuses treatment - meaning, give him someone to talk to). You've been depressed, too. This should help you feel better which will help him feel better. also, it will mean you can relate and if you need to, you guys can have a pity party (not condescending, I mean it. Pity parties can be good sometimes! Refreshing.) Get friends and family in on it, too, if you can. Love, Peace, Joy! (I sound like a hippie, and I will just turn and walk away now haha).

You can message me anytime, if you like, btw. I really hope this helps, at least some

This is what I said to loveknowsnodistance27 when she was worried about her SO being depressed. This video is also great for learning how to be happy by yourself. It's called "How to Be Alone"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

[zchryevns]

I have to agree most with DemonxOisin. As someone who has suffered from periods of anxiety/depression, the only thing that ever really helps me is to make myself get up and stop feeling miserable. If I'm having one of those I-can't-get-out-of-bed days, I just have to call a friend and tell them I'm feeling like shit and need to get out of the house. They're usually more than happy to oblige. But yeah, it's really about making the effort to pull yourself out of that hole. It's really hard, but you are very capable of it. Good luck.