My boyfriend and I are going through a very rocky patch right now and I don't really know what to do. Last week, he admitted to me that he hasn't been happy due to other things going on in his life (work, etc), but also due to our relationship and where we are right now. He hates the distance, he's lonely and depressed without me, and there's still some lingering hurt and anger from a situation that happened in January. A situation that we both could've handled better, but a situation that was my fault. We had been discussing closing the distance when a company in my home state contacted me about a job and, when they offered it to me, I took it with the best intentions. More money meant paying off debts sooner and getting down to him. I didn't discuss it with him in detail, though I did tell him about the company and the interviews, etc., I guess I just figured he would feel the same way.... needless to say, he didn't. I negotiated to stay with my current company for a higher salary and that was that. But, since we didn't really discuss it, the situation was never truly resolved and has been festering. He thought he could get over how he felt about the situation, but he hasn't been able to move past it. Last night, we had another talk about it and our plans for closing the distance were put on hold because we both agreed we need to fix the relationship first. He said he couldn't ask me to move further away from home than I've ever been and be away from my family when we don't even know if the relationship is going to work out, when there isn't anything promised, and I agreed. I think it would put a lot of pressure on us for me to move when we're not a good place. We know where we went off track (January) and agreed that we both feel the biggest problem in our relationship is communication and stated that we would work on it. He told me that he felt like I had cheated on him with the whole situation, that's how betrayed he felt, and in thinking about it from that angle... I can understand his feelings. I feel awful for making him feel that way when he means the world to me. It's all I've thought about all day.
Tonight when he called, he seemed to be a little short with me, and told me that he isn't able to take a weekend off this month for me to visit because everyone at his job had already requested time off. Before he hung up when he got home, I swallowed my fear and told him that I had been thinking about what he said, about how it made him feel, and that I understood. That, despite my intentions, I acted selfishly and how was he to know my intentions because I never communicated them to him. That we both could've handled the aftermath differently, but I was the one who made a choice that started us to go off track and accepted the responsibility for that. That I was deeply sorry for it, for making him feel like our relationship wasn't important when it's the most important thing in my life, and that I was willing to do whatever to get us back on track. He said he appreciated me telling him that, but there was nothing I could really do- that he just had to move past it and, as of now, he hasn't been able to. I said he could vent if he needed to, we could talk about it, but he said that venting would only make him really angry and he didn't think that would be healthy. I told him I was just trying to be open with him since we said communication was something we needed to work on and that I wanted him to know that I was there. He said he appreciated it and what I said. Before hanging up the phone, he said the usual "Love you" and that he'd talk to me on Sunday (he's got something going on tomorrow).
This is a fairly new development with us, something we've only been really discussing since late last week, and I know it's not going to be easy and it's not something that can be fixed overnight. But I'm freaking out a bit, thinking that I'm going to lose him... the thought of not having him in my life, in my heart, is one that I don't even want to entertain. We've been through things before, though nothing this bad, and as he said last night, he could've walked away but didn't. I easily could've too. I'm just scared he won't be able to get past it, that this time he'll just give up and walk away without us even trying, even though we've been talking about what needs to be fixed and wanting to get back on track. Help or advice or anything is greatly appreciated.
Tonight when he called, he seemed to be a little short with me, and told me that he isn't able to take a weekend off this month for me to visit because everyone at his job had already requested time off. Before he hung up when he got home, I swallowed my fear and told him that I had been thinking about what he said, about how it made him feel, and that I understood. That, despite my intentions, I acted selfishly and how was he to know my intentions because I never communicated them to him. That we both could've handled the aftermath differently, but I was the one who made a choice that started us to go off track and accepted the responsibility for that. That I was deeply sorry for it, for making him feel like our relationship wasn't important when it's the most important thing in my life, and that I was willing to do whatever to get us back on track. He said he appreciated me telling him that, but there was nothing I could really do- that he just had to move past it and, as of now, he hasn't been able to. I said he could vent if he needed to, we could talk about it, but he said that venting would only make him really angry and he didn't think that would be healthy. I told him I was just trying to be open with him since we said communication was something we needed to work on and that I wanted him to know that I was there. He said he appreciated it and what I said. Before hanging up the phone, he said the usual "Love you" and that he'd talk to me on Sunday (he's got something going on tomorrow).
This is a fairly new development with us, something we've only been really discussing since late last week, and I know it's not going to be easy and it's not something that can be fixed overnight. But I'm freaking out a bit, thinking that I'm going to lose him... the thought of not having him in my life, in my heart, is one that I don't even want to entertain. We've been through things before, though nothing this bad, and as he said last night, he could've walked away but didn't. I easily could've too. I'm just scared he won't be able to get past it, that this time he'll just give up and walk away without us even trying, even though we've been talking about what needs to be fixed and wanting to get back on track. Help or advice or anything is greatly appreciated.
hope it helps!
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