I'm so scared I might just cancel the trip :(

[Rosebud]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over 9 months and while I was shaky on these plans a few weeks ago, it suddenly seems like in just a little over a month (around mid-July) I will actually be able to fly over and meet him for the first time! After so long this is definitely something I have been thinking about a lot and really looking forward to and trying to make work out. However, now that it seems these plans are reaching closer and closer to becoming a reality....I just don't know anymore.

I know that this is something that I shouldn't be taking for granted, that there are people here who would jump at the chance to meet their SO this very moment and it was alot of work just to get to this point and have this opportunity. But even so, the more I think about it, the scareder I become and I'm seriously thinking about cancelling the trip. But if I do that I honestly have no idea when I'll have another chance to fly out again.

I have voiced these concerns to him already, that I'm worried I'll get so nervous I won't even be able to look at him, or that I won't act like myself or just overall make a horrible first impression. I'm scared he won't think I'm pretty in real life as opposed to photos or that my voice is too deep/annoying/etc. or that I somehow act different as opposed to online. After all we have never actually met before and things could end up being so different in person as opposed to online and I love what we have so much right now that I don't want to risk losing it. He's been supportive and tried to comfort me and I know he still really wants me to come, but I just can't shake off this sinking feeling that it's too soon.

It seems most people are absolutely ecstatic to meet their SO for the first time, but how many others feel my same nervousness? How did you get past it? Or should I listen to that nagging voice and actually put my trip on hold? I don't know, maybe I'm just depressed since it's my birthday and my bf's unable to talk with me like we thought he would.

[Caitlin2009]

oh honey i know the feeling, im scared too but im not scared enough to cancel plans. Dont worry everything will be fine, it would be a big mistake on your part if you did cancel

[Moon]

Don't cancel! You've gotta find out if you have that chemistry IRL sooner or later, and you'll always regret it if you don't go. We're ALL scared that first time, like seriously scared, but you've gotta do it There's always that small chance that it doesn't work out, but it usually goes just fine, better than fine actually. When I flew over to Finland to meet my guy over Christmas, I was nervous as hell, especially since we're co-workers and would still have to work together no matter what. I went for 10 days, stayed with him, and figured this way we'd know for sure if we were into each other. I had the time of my life, and am going back in 12 days to stay for 17 days. If I didn't take that chance, that risk, I would have missed so much! Please give it a shot and go, don't let fear ruin what could be something amazing. Good luck!

[lunamea]

Yeah, I'll second what the others have said. Sooner or later, you will have that meeting anyway, so why not now? 9 months is a long time and I think it's not too early for a visit. I have only had this kind of nervousness when meeting a penfriend (my hb and I met IRL), but worries like that are usually unfounded. Even if things are a little awkward at first, you'll spend a few days with each other and I'm sure you'll feel as if you'd known each other like that all along.

[Bluestars]

If you do not go now, you will probably regret your decision not to go for the rest of your life. I know I was nervous about meeting my SO for the first time, but it was so worth it in the long run In fact, it is one of my favorite memories Love is about taking risks, and this is one of the most important ones when you fall in love with someone online. You have to gain the courage to meet in person even though it might not work out (but it probably will!). A long distance relationship is not meant to be permanent--what it thrives on is the beauty that you share whenever you get the chance to meet in person.

There are tons of people on this site who have met online and have had to experience meeting in person. And they are proof that everything will turn out fine! Best Wishes!

[Michelle]

Definitely don't cancel, you'll only regret it. We're all routing for you! I had already met Frank in person before we started dating and I was scared out of my mind meeting him again for the first time as his girlfriend. I was full of doubt before going to visit him but that 1 visit made everything feel right. Just try to relax and know that he is nervous too and a lot of the same questions are running through his head, whether he voices them or not.

[JoMarie]

I agree. I think you'll really hate yourself in the end if you cancel your trip. I was horribly nervous the first time I met my SO, and i was scared to death the next couple of times too. I've adjusted now, and it becomes easier. Good luck!!

[maja]

ohh i know that feeling , but im sure youll get past it and be all excited it will be a bit awkward at first, but you wont regret the decision!

[Swederica]

I agree with the others as well.
I will too meet my SO pretty soon.
So we are trying to prepare as much as possible for the meeting

Don't cancel! Other then that there's not much i can add that others haven't said.

[folclor]

okay, so before I met Alex, that whole week and especially the day of the trip, I was so incredibly nervous it wasn't funny. A couple times I broke down and panicked and didn't even want to go. However, now on my third day home I can tell you, it's more worth it than you can imagine. Go. Seriously. You need to. I met Alex in September of 2008 and we started unofficially dating last May. I was finally able to meet him for the first time last week and I felt that nervousness you do. I was more nervous than excited but you should just go. It's worth it. Provided your feelings for each other are strong they will only increase once you're in person.

[Rosebud]

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, it really made me feel better I'm still scared out of my mind about it, but it seems the more we talk about it as if we both just assume I AM going to go, the more it feels like the plans are 100% cemented and it's not quite as scary. I'm still nervous for in order to go I need to tell my parents-yes I am an adult and technically I don't need their "approval", but it is still something I need to let them know, and as they don't even know I'm dating Alex much less knowhe exists, this isn't going to be easy. But perhaps that's a whole different kettle of fish and I should still just focus on actually getting there in the first place. I know that when I honestly think about it I don't want to cancel my trip, but when I get myself worked up about it, its hard to feel excited since all I can focus on are the possibilities of things going sour. But I really appreciate your support and knowing that others out there had to go through the same thing and DID come out of it strong is very reassuring.

[BoogleBee]

Me and my girlfriend were incredibly nervous before meeting. She flew about 11,000 miles to meet me, and was so worried we might not like each other in person, or the chemistry wouldn't be there and we would be so shy. And we were quite shy. But that first night being to just fall asleep in her arms made me so happy, and I felt so comfortable with her.
You've been together 9 months, don't cancel that trip!
The time I got to spent with Natalie was some of the best weeks of my life to date. I truly got to know her as a person and I am so thankful for that. I was so scared and nervous! But it was all worth it

[LilyPanda]

i agree with everyone here. don't cancel. you have to see him sooner or later, and, in my opinion, sooner is definitely better than later!!! go, meet your SO, and have fun!!

[agentholli]

I agree with everyone else, Don't cancel..you will regret it. I know the feeling. I get that way also now that plans are becoming closer then ever to be a reality. You have to do it sooner or later, better do it now so you will no FOR SURE that he is the one for you...IRL too!

[Rosebud]

Thanks you guys all so much. For the past 3 days since his computer broke we've been talking on the phone (finally! We've NEVER spoken on the phone before now!!) and while I thought that would make me more comfortable since it's more intimate than just typing, I'm finding it's making me even more scared than ever. I love talking with him, I get so excited when he calls and disappointed when I know he has to leave to get some sleep (stupid time difference!)...but I worry that taking this step in getting closer to him only has me MORE worried about him not loving me as much as he thought he did not that he's learning about the 'talking' side of my personality. I still ask him if he wants me to come and he says of course and I'm worried if I keep showing all my doubts it's only going to make things worse-but if I can't voice my concerns to him than who can I tell them to?

I don't know, anyway my sister wants me to postpone the trip till August due to some other reasons, but I feel like if I do it'll just make me worry longer and have potential to actually ruin things. Blah.