Seriously?

[CandiCandi]

Some of you may remember I made a post awhile back about my SO's living situation and his brother and his brother's girlfriend. So, today. My SO and I are on ooVoo and he tells me that he went to Kwik Trip with his brother, that he starts gushing about me and his brother's like, "Yeah, but make sure she meets people." and at first, I was like, "Well, that doesn't seem so bad." but then, he's like, "People are really hurt and disappointed they didn't get to meet her." and I'm thinking he means, their mom, their aunt, etc. Nope. Well, in part, he meant his mom which is totally understandable. However, my SO's brother's girlfriend was another mention which I'm not quite sure I understand. She picked me up at the bus station, she came to the hotel, we had dinner with them and we went back to their trailer. I felt like I saw his brother and his girlfriend more than they are kind of talking about. My SO snapped back and said, "I barely even got to see her myself" because I only got to stay a week and he had to work every day.

The thing is, people around my SO try to find fault in any part of this relationship, but these people also find fault in my SO, constantly. His relationship is part of him, therefore they're picking this apart. First, it was that we met online which was actually understandable. Then, it was that I look young. Then, it was that I talk / act young. Then, it was it's unrealistic for me to get a job in Wisconsin. When we got engaged, his brother was the least happy about it. Fuck, even his ex-girlfriend who kind of hates me was happy for us. These people just seem so miserable in their own relationship that it frequently comes out as an excuse to attack.

My SO just went to eat with them and I told him we'd discuss this when he gets back from outside (they're grilling). I am going to tell him, I feel like making a status about it and saying something like: "To anyone who is offended that I didn't spend enough time with them when I was in Wisconsin, take into consideration the amount of time that we had together." I could understand his mom's hurt, but I really can't understand this girl's hurt because I saw her so often through out the visit.

To be honest, I don't think she's the type of person I would like to hang out with. It seems like I'd feel pressured to fake happiness around these people. They seem to find fault in everything and that makes me extremely uncomfortable. They boast about money. They boast about their jobs. They boast. And when they're not boasting, they're bitching. Usually, at each other. If it's not at each other, if they aren't fighting on that day, what usually ends up happening is they put it on other people. "Well, congrats you got a job, but it's not as good as mine." I've even asked my SO if they (or just someone) could just drop him off at the bus station next Sunday, because this is not the way I want the next visit with them specifically to go. The more time I spend with them, the more you're NOT doing right in their eyes. The more they can pick you apart and they LIKE to pick you apart.

But it's not just them, I'm aggravated. I'm not aggravated at his mom (this is the one I truly do understand and actually have regrets about), in the least, but I'm aggravated that none of these people could have some type of understanding of why I couldn't meet every last one of them in a week's time. That my SO had to work quite frequently which significantly limited who we could hang out with and when, not to mention that we were relying on public transportation. I feel like, with the exception of his mother, if these people can't understand, I don't know if they're the kind of people I *want* to meet. And I'm also aggravated that someone I saw several times is acting like I never saw her once!

ETA: Also, another thing to mention is that they *told* us we were going out to eat with them. They didn't ask. I mean, it was a bit of a messy situation and I was aggravated. I went to make my SO happy. I spent time with these people, when I didn't really want to. It was like, 11pm too! My point is, that how can you say I didn't spend time with this girl, when in reality, I did even when I didn't want to?

[Honeypie]

Some people just aren't happy unless everyone around them are unhappy .... some people truley feed off drama. I suggest that you not play into the drama game.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I concur with Honeypie. Sounds like a very large pack of drama llamas...

[CandiCandi]

Some people just aren't happy unless everyone around them are unhappy .... some people truley feed off drama. I suggest that you not play into the drama game.

Yeah, I'm not. I, did, however feel like addressing why I didn't spend time with every last soul in La Crosse, but in a polite way. I, however, did not do so. I have agreed that I would hang out with these people for my SO, but my SO knows where I actually do stand on the issue (I'm tired of this crap) but that I'm not going to be like freaking out. I'm just stating my case and getting it off my chest. If, however, his brother or brother's girlfriend says something about it when I get into town, more than likely, we're going to be on the same team about it. He agrees with me that he's a little confused as to why no one is understanding that we had such little time and limited resources.

I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings and I actually regret the not-meeting-mom thing, but as I've stated, I don't understand how someone I *did* meet could be so upset. Again, did I mention that we went to dinner with these people at 11pm at night? Not to mention, it was the last day my SO had off for the whole time I had been there. We had walked around all of downtown, already ate, were both tired as shit and even after they insulted our income and told us we were coming instead of asking, we still went anyway. I guess that's what's getting me. We let them into the hotel room because they wanted to see it on a different night. We stood outside the place and talked to them on another. The pure lack of gratefulness. We didn't even have to do that much. It's just frustrating.

[Romeo s Juliet]

I have been following your threads recently, and i recall everything that his brother has being doing t make him feel mentally down regarding his weight and etc etc. I am sorry for saying this but all i can tell about this situation is his bother is a big time jerk, and definitely his gf is in the same boat as him

girl, you have done everything you can to make your SO happy and one thing you should remember is you cant make everyone happy. you have to choose who yu want to make happy. and if i was in your situation I would seriously not want to meet people, much cause it was just a week! but you did the best you can and these people making such a drama out of it is pathetic.

about not meeting his mom, yes i see that was a weak point from ur side, but still you tried your best. and again it was a really short time peroid you had.
how ever regarding making a a status about not being able to meet them would give them another chance t make life hard for your SO over there.
so act wise and what i think is you should choose who you should make happy.

in the future you can always choose not to see them if you dont feel so because it is totally up to u. for now I think you should take some time to calm down, and talk abut it with your SO and tell him clearly what your thoughts about future meet ups and spending time with his brother partner and family members
good luck

[redapple]

Sounds like a very large pack of drama llamas...

agree with the above so not much else to mention other than this made me laugh!

[CandiCandi]

I have been following your threads recently, and i recall everything that his brother has being doing t make him feel mentally down regarding his weight and etc etc. I am sorry for saying this but all i can tell about this situation is his bother is a big time jerk, and definitely his gf is in the same boat as him

girl, you have done everything you can to make your SO happy and one thing you should remember is you cant make everyone happy. you have to choose who yu want to make happy. and if i was in your situation I would seriously not want to meet people, much cause it was just a week! but you did the best you can and these people making such a drama out of it is pathetic.

about not meeting his mom, yes i see that was a weak point from ur side, but still you tried your best. and again it was a really short time peroid you had.
how ever regarding making a a status about not being able to meet them would give them another chance t make life hard for your SO over there.
so act wise and what i think is you should choose who you should make happy.

in the future you can always choose not to see them if you dont feel so because it is totally up to u. for now I think you should take some time to calm down, and talk abut it with your SO and tell him clearly what your thoughts about future meet ups and spending time with his brother partner and family members
good luck

Yeah, I don't know. He admits that his brother can be abrasive and puts off a "vibe", but I still feel like it's important to give these people a second chance for him. However, he knows I won't censor my thoughts in private with him. I am not upset about his mom being upset with us, at all. However, he told me he was a little upset because he thought she understood how limited time was, but I can and will totally apologize for not meeting her. Yes, I totally thought about the status thing twice. I decided not to do it because then his brother would know that I *know* what was said and it would cause some drama in the household for him. We are closing the distance next week so it's important to stay calm right now. He only has a week left in their house. I am not going to make things rougher than they are for him.

I told him that I'd like us all to be on the same page if we're going to hang out and he said he understood. I told him I couldn't lie, I would probably be aggravated if they just show up unannounced and *tell* us we're going somewhere with them. I told him that I hope they understand while I will hang out with them and all that jazz, a job is going to be of utmost importance.

Again, I will do stuff so that it makes life easier for him. I love him so I'm willing to make that compromise, but he will know what I think in private. I think these two are just at such a different point in life than we are, as I said in a different thread. His brother's my age, his girlfriend's younger by a couple of years. It almost sounds arrogant, but they are not at the maturity level we have reached. They haven't had the life experiences other people have had to give them some perspective. Neither have been in long distance relationships that I know of so they can't understand the importance of how much time we had together and how he had to work or how that whole trip couldn't revolve around them. These are also people who do not have children so they do not truly understand that even his kids come before them, at times.

Anyway, like I said, I'm not going to say anything right now. I will be meeting them again, but I want it to be on an agreed time/day. I want them to make sure that my SO isn't at work. I want them to make sure I'm not at work. I want them to make sure we don't have his kids. I want them to make sure that we don't have anniversary or birthday plans (my birthday is in a month). I would offer the same genuine kindness, no matter how rude they are to us, if we actually wanted to hang out. When we do hang out, I will be keeping my cool, but I will not take the criticism and will stand up for myself, my SO, and this relationship if it comes into question during any of our hangouts (and in my defense, he is just as protective of me and this relationship!). And again, they are going to have to understand a job is of utmost importance. I will be doing what makes me happy, but I do think it's right to try and be civil for him too. I just wish they were more...mature and more polite.

[Romeo s Juliet]

Yeah, I don't know. He admits that his brother can be abrasive and puts off a "vibe", but I still feel like it's important to give these people a second chance for him. However, he knows I won't censor my thoughts in private with him. I am not upset about his mom being upset with us, at all. However, he told me he was a little upset because he thought she understood how limited time was, but I can and will totally apologize for not meeting her. Yes, I totally thought about the status thing twice. I decided not to do it because then his brother would know that I *know* what was said and it would cause some drama in the household for him. We are closing the distance next week so it's important to stay calm right now. He only has a week left in their house. I am not going to make things rougher than they are for him.



ya i think you are on the right track about compromising up to some level, because its his family. and also letting him know about ur private thoughts.
that is needed at all times because that way you can prevent further troubles coming from his brother and his partner.
and letting him know about all the requirements you want to make when meeting his bro and partner and how you are going to handle every situation that brings his bother and partner, and family to the picture in the future is a must

but make sure you do it carefully, and not make him feel pressured with requirements. because at the end of the day they are his family, no matter what kinds of jerks some members are. and his family ties will always be there for him. but at the same time make sure you let him know this is what i feel, this is where i stand about meeting them/entertaining them etc etc. and always do what makes you comfortable. because yes they are his family, but you have the right t o live your with ur SO the way you both decide that is good for you apart from distractions from others. even from his own family

I told him that I'd like us all to be on the same page if we're going to hang out and he said he understood. I told him I couldn't lie, I would probably be aggravated if they just show up unannounced and *tell* us we're going somewhere with them. I told him that I hope they understand while I will hang out with them and all that jazz, a job is going to be of utmost importance.

Again, I will do stuff so that it makes life easier for him. I love him so I'm willing to make that compromise, but he will know what I think in private. I think these two are just at such a different point in life than we are, as I said in a different thread. His brother's my age, his girlfriend's younger by a couple of years. It almost sounds arrogant, but they are not at the maturity level we have reached. They haven't had the life experiences other people have had to give them some perspective. Neither have been in long distance relationships that I know of so they can't understand the importance of how much time we had together and how he had to work or how that whole trip couldn't revolve around them. These are also people who do not have children so they do not truly understand that even his kids come before them, at times.

Anyway, like I said, I'm not going to say anything right now. I will be meeting them again, but I want it to be on an agreed time/day. I want them to make sure that my SO isn't at work. I want them to make sure I'm not at work. I want them to make sure we don't have his kids. I want them to make sure that we don't have anniversary or birthday plans (my birthday is in a month). I would offer the same genuine kindness, no matter how rude they are to us, if we actually wanted to hang out. When we do hang out, I will be keeping my cool, but I will not take the criticism and will stand up for myself, my SO, and this relationship if it comes into question during any of our hangouts (and in my defense, he is just as protective of me and this relationship!). And again, they are going to have to understand a job is of utmost importance. I will be doing what makes me happy, but I do think it's right to try and be civil for him too. I just wish they were more...mature and more polite.

ya i think you are on the right track about compromising up to some level, because its his family. and also letting him know about ur private thoughts.
that is needed at all times because that way you can prevent further troubles coming from his brother and his partner.
and letting him know about all the requirements you want to make when meeting his bro and partner and how you are going to handle every situation that brings his bother and partner, and family to the picture in the future is a must

but make sure you do it carefully, and not make him feel pressured with requirements. because at the end of the day they are his family, no matter what kinds of jerks some members are. and his family ties will always be there for him. but at the same time make sure you let him know this is what i feel, this is where i stand about meeting them/entertaining them etc etc. and always do what makes you comfortable. because yes they are his family, but you have the right t o live your with ur SO the way you both decide that is good for you apart from distractions from others. even from his own family

[CandiCandi]

ya i think you are on the right track about compromising up to some level, because its his family. and also letting him know about ur private thoughts.
that is needed at all times because that way you can prevent further troubles coming from his brother and his partner.
and letting him know about all the requirements you want to make when meeting his bro and partner and how you are going to handle every situation that brings his bother and partner, and family to the picture in the future is a must

but make sure you do it carefully, and not make him feel pressured with requirements. because at the end of the day they are his family, no matter what kinds of jerks some members are. and his family ties will always be there for him. but at the same time make sure you let him know this is what i feel, this is where i stand about meeting them/entertaining them etc etc. and always do what makes you comfortable. because yes they are his family, but you have the right t o live your with ur SO the way you both decide that is good for you apart from distractions from others. even from his own family

Exactly! If he starts to feel like I'm asking too much, he always tells me. I just wanted him to know that I don't like being forced into social situations and they make me uncomfortable. This is his brother. He's frequently told me the most important people in his life are his two kids, his brother, and me. He frequently tells me how much his brother means to him. I don't think either of these people are *bad* people, either. All that being said, that's such a large part of why I am willing to give my compromise to him. I just wish that they understood life and how it works better. Anyway, my SO has been pretty understanding and we seem to be on the same page that it *is* kind of rude to expect someone to just do whatever with you, whenever but of course, he's also asked me to keep calm about the situation (not censor myself, just stay calm). Anyway, thank you for the advice

[LeilaniJoi]

I agree... sounds like a Drama Llama at work.