Moving Woes

[bethanymkeegan]

In 13 days I am supposed to be moving to be with my boyfriend. His male best friend offered my boyfriend and his female best friend and former roommate the house which she in turn told us about. My boyfriend has told me that he will get me pictures of the house and the address. We've known about the house for 2 1/2 months. He hasn't. Today I jokingly made a comment to her (because I'd like to think we're close?) about getting me the address to the house as I know he's been procrastinating and she told me that the home owner (male best friend) is a procrastinator, too. She told my joke literally, and went to the house. She told my boyfriend she went to the house and he's mad at me for "going behind his back" to find out when he said he would take care of it. There are so many emotions running through my head right now: confusion, mostly. I don't understand why he's steaming mad at me about a sarcastic comment I made to his best friend that she took literally. Part of me feels like he's upset because maybe he feels like I didn't trust him, therefore making the joke.

I've been having my own personal issues with her anyway regarding my new house. I asked my boyfriend to have jars saved for me so that I can make an herb garden and she immediately asked me if she could make one with me. Sure, ok. But then when I found out she was potentially going furniture shopping with him for our furniture I got upset. I wanted to know why she got to go and I was stuck here with no decision or participation.

So now we're sitting on 5 hours of my boyfriend being mad at me, but I don't understand why or how he could be this mad at me. I feel like it's more than this, though. I feel like in order for him to be this mad there would have to be this pent up anger about something else. I appreciate that he's telling me that he doesn't want to talk until he calms down, I do. But we've always told each other no going to bed completely pissed at the other. At least start working it out. I don't sleep at all if I know he's mad at me. Part of me also feels like he has cold feet about this. I'm a little unsure about what to feel right now.

[kteire]

I can kind of get him being upset about the sarcastic comment to be honest. Not saying you've done anything wrong, it just seems like a complete misunderstanding, and I'm sure he'll move past it! I'm sure how upset he is is escalated by the stress of moving and moving in together. My SO and I are moving in together on Monday, and I know both of us are stressed and a bit on edge from it. I don't know that I'd say it's cold feet, but he could just be nervous about taking the big step! That's normal, I'm told haha.

As far as the rest goes with his friend, I would feel the same way if I were in your situation. Planning things to do with your SO (like buying stuff for your new place!) when you close the distance is a big thing to look forward to, and it's a bit hard when that's shared by a third person. Logistically it might make sense for them to shop for furniture together, so that you have furniture sooner when you move in, but does he know you'd be upset missing out on that? Like it's kind of an exciting thing for a couple to do!! Maybe if they did need to get stuff before you get there, they could just get some basics and you could go look for stuff with him for the rest?

Otherwise, as much as it sounds like you and his friend are on good terms, be careful about setting boundaries. I've lived with a couple before as a third wheel, and not everyone's going to be included all the time. But couple time is so important, so while you should both keep up a good friendship with her, make sure you get plenty of couple time!