Comforting stressed SO?

[Brieasaurus]

Hi guys! Basically, long story short: my SO recently moved out of his parents' house, moved an hour away into an apartment shared with 3 others guys (whom he's friends with), and started a new job with crazy hours/physical work.. all within a week. At first, he really enjoyed being around his buddies and everything but now he's really starting to stress about things. Although him and his roommates are all the same age (20/21), my SO is really there to work while they're there to party which has been leading to my SO not being able to sleep/feeling resentment towards them/isolating himself from them. He's trying to find another place to live but at this time, it's just not looking really realistic.

My whole dilemma is that I just never really know what to say to him. I listen to him when he wants to rant and usually I just end up agreeing with him (well when I feel he's in the right). He says that I make him feel better but I don't feel like I'm really doing a good job because I don't know the proper comforting words to say, you know? He always knows what to say when I'm stressed or anxious and I feel like I'm letting him down. I wish I could just be there and snuggle him until he feels better but I can't.

So the point is, how do you help when your SOs get stressed? Any advice?

[Honeypie]

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen

[Trepis]

My whole dilemma is that I just never really know what to say to him. I listen to him when he wants to rant and usually I just end up agreeing with him (well when I feel he's in the right). He says that I make him feel better but I don't feel like I'm really doing a good job because I don't know the proper comforting words to say, you know? He always knows what to say when I'm stressed or anxious and I feel like I'm letting him down. I wish I could just be there and snuggle him until he feels better but I can't.

So the point is, how do you help when your SOs get stressed? Any advice?

I think the most important thing to realise is you are doing everything he needs you to do. It's not about coming up with the proper words , its about listening and supporting. Talking to my SO is the best part of my day. When I'm stressed, just the sound of her voice is soothing, it doesn't matter what we are talkng about. Consider any one of the five senses can trigger memories, if he is anything like me, just hearing your voice will trigger a physiological response. Think of all the great times you have had talking to him, all those good times and feelings quickly get assicosated with the sound of your voice.

You mention that he is unlikely to be able to move anytime soon, so he is going to have to find a balance in his 'new normal' , it will likely be rough for a while but humans are resilient , and having you to talk to is going to make it much easier. You need to keep in mind that you can't 'fix' his stressors with words, they are external to him and things he will have to adapt too. What you can do is be his verbal break from it all, listen to him, and support him as best you can ( which it sounds like you are already doing ). One thing I would suggest is this, once he has gotten his venting out of the way, try and gently steer the conversation to more positive subjects. Venting can be useful but going over and over stuff can get destructive quickly. Ending the conversation thinking about you and your relationship is ideal.

One final suggestion, only really useful if you guys have ever met in person, and you wear a specific scent; get him a stuffed animal of some sort, ideally something thats huggable size, and put your perfume on it. Of all the senses , scent is the one that most commonly triggers memory, it will be something to comfort him when he cant talk to you, the scent will trigger fond memories and put him more at ease. Now, this idea is not going to suit every guy, a small percentage of guys will not touch a stuffed animal as adults, a larger precentage will claim they won't touch stuffed animals. But if he does nothing else but put it on his bed, at a minimum he will sleep better. I suggest a classic brown teddy bear, doesn't come off as girly , anthropomorphic in form, bout the right size to hug, and in a pinch he can always claim 'I've had that since I was a kid.... '

Best of luck,
Trepis

[Soyokaze]

It's hard to know when you're helping, it never really feels that way, but from my experience that's all it is. Even if you're not doing anything you listen and support and sometimes that's the best you can do. It sucks not feeling like you're doing much but believe him when he says you are.

[Amy:x]

I agree with Honeypie, sometimes when my fella is stressed i just listen, on occassion he will ask if im still there haha.. and im like yeah , then he asks a question i'll respond the best i can and say dont worry my cuddles will make it better next time were together.. soppy i know but seems to work hahaha