Hated by people you've never met?

[Soyokaze]

My SO and I were supposed to move in together last month, supposed being the main thing because he's renting from his grandmother and she refused to let me move in. Even though it would be me giving up my friends and family she claims that I am ruining his life. His father thinks he's going to regret it. The only one who isn't on his case is his uncle. He says instead he'll wait for me to get a job and move up here because he can't expect me to move to his family and because he never really wanted to stay there. The thing that he doesn't really seem to get is that I want to figure out how to get his family to at least give me a chance. I love him and, while I don't expect them to adore me or anything, I don't want every family visit to be super awkward and uncomfortable. Any advice on what I could do about this?

[kittyo9]

I knowww you really want to make peace with everyone, but some people are just not open to the idea of a relationship like yours, and there is little to nothing you can do about it. People just have their biases. The best thing you could probably do is prove them wrong, and that will take a lot of time.

[LeilaniJoi]

How old are you both? Perhaps they would like to see him finish school before being so serious with someone?

[Honeypie]

How old are you both? Perhaps they would like to see him finish school before being so serious with someone?

I was going to ask the same question, because maybe it has nothing to do with you personally & it's just the situation.

Seeing as he's living with his grandmother she might have the view that no two people should live together before they are married or she might be thinging "Not under my roof"

You also wrote that you're now going to wait till you get a job .... that might be part of the family problem too, thinking that you will not be able to pay your own way.

[Soyokaze]

I'm 25 and he's 20. He dropped out of college for reasons entirely unrelated to me. The job thing, and the fact that he stalked my Facebook and cares about my political opinions not being his, are part of his dad's thing. He doesn't live with his grandmother though, just rents from her. She lives elsewhere and I had permission to move a month or two ago but his father asked him to delay it and she changed her mind in the meantime. I know I just have to be patient and put up with it for the most part but I really wish that I had at least gotten a chance to meet them before they decided I was bad. It's really frustrating because my family let him stay in our house and sleep in my bed when he visited me (I still live with my mom for obvious financial reasons).

Right now he is working for his dad who is giving him ridiculous hours for next to no pay so I feel really bad for him there. It's gotten to the point where his response has said he doesn't care what they think and I don't want to be a wedge between him and them. He's getting really sick of how they are with him, they are super bossy at all times over much more than me going down there. I actually had a potential job, or at least the interview for one, when I was trying to move down so it wasn't completely irresponsible. (Only a little bit, I'm really bad at this whole adult thing)

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I guess it just means more waiting. Hopefully you can both find your own place so you don't have to worry about family pulling strings.

[digitalfever]

Sometimes people aren't going to give you the chance change their minds. I'd leave it be.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

Sometimes people aren't going to give you the chance change their minds. I'd leave it be.

Yeah, I've learned this one the hard way.

[BabyDimples]

I'm 25 and he's 20. He dropped out of college for reasons entirely unrelated to me.

I have a situation like that. I had worked toward going into the Army since I was fourteen, and about June last year I started to change my mind on it, and in July I started talking to my SO, Thomas. I passed all of the tests for the Army with flying colours, but up until I had done them, I was still losing interest in it. My Mam and Dad started pushing me towards it, and me and Thomas had been in a relationship for a few months by then. It was February this year when I pulled my application out, and my Mam and Dad blame Thomas for me not going in.

They don't agree with long distance relationships anyway. My dad compares it to an absession with a poster of a band you have on your bedroom wall, and says that I need physcological help, and my Mam says that it is all a fantasy. I don't think that they will ever like Thomas. Maybe when they actually meet him, but it will take them a while to warm up to him. It makes me feel awful, because his family are awesome with me. They even invited me on holiday with them the other week, whicih I couldn't go on because of my parents. His mam has bought me a few gifts too so I've bought her some, and I talk to his sister well.

Just give it time. It might be until you move over, and it might take a while until they warm up to you. If not, then you two are happy together, and if they can't see that and continue to be stubborn with you once you have moved there, then just 'shove it in their face' with how happy you are together, especially how happy YOU make HIM.