Ok I really want/need to hear other people's opinion on this...
The situation is this:
Nearly 4 years ago I met a woman here (UK) and we hit it off straight away...she was here on holiday for 1 month seeing her family who had come for a few months. Anyway she had to go back home to the other side of the world (9 hours away). I stayed in contact with her as I thought she was amazing, and 2 months later I asked her to be my gf and she accepted, and a month later I went to see her and stayed for 3 months with her.
I could write a whole book on our relationship, but here is what happened after those 3 months: 6 months later she came here and stayed with me for a total of 2 months. 4 months after this we met up for a 2.5 week holiday. 7 months after this she came to Europe and we were together for 1 month. At this point we decided to have a 'break' as we were both unsure about what we wanted. 1 year passed until we saw each other again, for 3 nights. We both decided we still loved each other and wanted to be together. After these 3 nights, another 4 months passed until we saw each other again, for a total of 2 weeks. At this point we decided to get back together properly, but 2 months down the line she wasn't sure about what she wanted and we kept it cool..but another 4 months later (so 6 months total since last time we saw each other), we met up again, for 1 week. This was last week.
Next month it will be 4 years since we first met. During these 4 years we have met up every 4-7 months on average for a period of 1-8 weeks. I am sure all of you know how hard this was on both of us. The reason for there not being an ending as such are varied: During all this time I was literally just finding any job I can, staying for a few months etc to get money so I could go and see her. Thinking about it now I can't believe 4 YEARS has passed. And we are still not together properly. At the start, I was telling her that it's not impossible, and to believe in us, and she did. So did I. But it just never happened - basically for us to be together, I need to move there. I admit I did not feel ready to move countries to be with her. Another problem is legally I can only stay in her country for 6 months out of every 12 months. Another problem is I can't legally work as a tourist - unless we were to get married. Another problem is the language - I only know it very basic from what I have learnt while I was there and talking to her the last 4 years - definitely not good enough to have a proper job. So as you can see it was not a simple case of just moving there.
Now this is what has happened tonight - she wants to cut of ALL contact, so no calls, skype, sms, facebook etc. Her reason being that 4 years has passed of us constantly making plan after plan about meeting up, and meeting up, but really nothing changed in those 4 years - we are still not together. It is not enough for her for us to only meet up for a few weeks at a time - and I feel exactly the same about that. But she wants to cut off all contact because she wants to try something different - she wants to let life show her the future, rather than just keep making plans, which for the last 4 years have not changed anything. She feels if we are meant to be together, life will put us together. (What I think she means, even though she didn't say it in these words, is that 4 years has passed and I still have not moved there with her, so she hopes by cutting off all contact I will actually do it this time). She believes this is going to be good for the both of us, and we can both do whatever we want in life, without each other, and then basically see what happens. As opposed to making plans for seeing each other for a few weeks...
Now I like to think of myself as very willing to try new things, someone who enjoys challenges, and also someone who puts being happy in love as a priority over job, money etc. After 4 years it really is time to decide what to do with my life. I have thought about it a lot and decided I am just not happy with life, if it is not by her side. We have had our ups and downs over the last 4 years, but I know in my heart I love her. I just don't know how I can handle not talking to her AT ALL. I can totally see where she is coming from - why should she believe any plan I make, when it has been 4 years and we never had a concrete plan to be together.
I have already started thinking about the possibilities within the next 6 months of me moving there for good. She doesn't want me to contact her unless I actually have a proper plan. She has also said this is what she wants for 'now', but things could change at any time. But I am wondering if anyone has been in this kinda situation before....where a total break of all contact actually helped a LDR..I think about her every day and love just hearing her voice, I dunno how I can just not communicate with her for an undefined amount of time.
Oh and for info...she is 7 years older than me (25-32), got married when she was 19 (split up when 26) to her 1st bf and has an 11 year old daughter. So yes she is a lot more experienced than me (she is my 2nd long term relationship) and I like to think a lot wiser
Reading this whole post makes me think...FML...
The situation is this:
Nearly 4 years ago I met a woman here (UK) and we hit it off straight away...she was here on holiday for 1 month seeing her family who had come for a few months. Anyway she had to go back home to the other side of the world (9 hours away). I stayed in contact with her as I thought she was amazing, and 2 months later I asked her to be my gf and she accepted, and a month later I went to see her and stayed for 3 months with her.
I could write a whole book on our relationship, but here is what happened after those 3 months: 6 months later she came here and stayed with me for a total of 2 months. 4 months after this we met up for a 2.5 week holiday. 7 months after this she came to Europe and we were together for 1 month. At this point we decided to have a 'break' as we were both unsure about what we wanted. 1 year passed until we saw each other again, for 3 nights. We both decided we still loved each other and wanted to be together. After these 3 nights, another 4 months passed until we saw each other again, for a total of 2 weeks. At this point we decided to get back together properly, but 2 months down the line she wasn't sure about what she wanted and we kept it cool..but another 4 months later (so 6 months total since last time we saw each other), we met up again, for 1 week. This was last week.
Next month it will be 4 years since we first met. During these 4 years we have met up every 4-7 months on average for a period of 1-8 weeks. I am sure all of you know how hard this was on both of us. The reason for there not being an ending as such are varied: During all this time I was literally just finding any job I can, staying for a few months etc to get money so I could go and see her. Thinking about it now I can't believe 4 YEARS has passed. And we are still not together properly. At the start, I was telling her that it's not impossible, and to believe in us, and she did. So did I. But it just never happened - basically for us to be together, I need to move there. I admit I did not feel ready to move countries to be with her. Another problem is legally I can only stay in her country for 6 months out of every 12 months. Another problem is I can't legally work as a tourist - unless we were to get married. Another problem is the language - I only know it very basic from what I have learnt while I was there and talking to her the last 4 years - definitely not good enough to have a proper job. So as you can see it was not a simple case of just moving there.
Now this is what has happened tonight - she wants to cut of ALL contact, so no calls, skype, sms, facebook etc. Her reason being that 4 years has passed of us constantly making plan after plan about meeting up, and meeting up, but really nothing changed in those 4 years - we are still not together. It is not enough for her for us to only meet up for a few weeks at a time - and I feel exactly the same about that. But she wants to cut off all contact because she wants to try something different - she wants to let life show her the future, rather than just keep making plans, which for the last 4 years have not changed anything. She feels if we are meant to be together, life will put us together. (What I think she means, even though she didn't say it in these words, is that 4 years has passed and I still have not moved there with her, so she hopes by cutting off all contact I will actually do it this time). She believes this is going to be good for the both of us, and we can both do whatever we want in life, without each other, and then basically see what happens. As opposed to making plans for seeing each other for a few weeks...
Now I like to think of myself as very willing to try new things, someone who enjoys challenges, and also someone who puts being happy in love as a priority over job, money etc. After 4 years it really is time to decide what to do with my life. I have thought about it a lot and decided I am just not happy with life, if it is not by her side. We have had our ups and downs over the last 4 years, but I know in my heart I love her. I just don't know how I can handle not talking to her AT ALL. I can totally see where she is coming from - why should she believe any plan I make, when it has been 4 years and we never had a concrete plan to be together.
I have already started thinking about the possibilities within the next 6 months of me moving there for good. She doesn't want me to contact her unless I actually have a proper plan. She has also said this is what she wants for 'now', but things could change at any time. But I am wondering if anyone has been in this kinda situation before....where a total break of all contact actually helped a LDR..I think about her every day and love just hearing her voice, I dunno how I can just not communicate with her for an undefined amount of time.
Oh and for info...she is 7 years older than me (25-32), got married when she was 19 (split up when 26) to her 1st bf and has an 11 year old daughter. So yes she is a lot more experienced than me (she is my 2nd long term relationship) and I like to think a lot wiser
Reading this whole post makes me think...FML...
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