Just another vent-

[AnonT]

Hi everyone, I'm not too new to this forum but it's just that I lurk around a lot rather than type.

It's been an idea for a few months now for my SO and I to watch a movie online together and this afternoon was meant to be it, planned the time and everything. Basically she didn't turn up online at all and left me waiting there for an hour until I gave up and went for a walk.

Now, I might be more alright with this if it weren't for the fact that this isn't the first time that it's happened. Before, she was busy with exam study (Which is perfectly understandable, I don't want to be an obstacle to her so I respect the fact that she needs time for her own things) but simply didn't tell me that she wouldn't be on- leaving me waiting for nothing.

She's on her holidays now so I wonder what her excuse will be this time. I'm sure that there's a good reason as to why she didn't turn up and maybe this is just a tiny thing that I'm fussing over. But I just wish that she'd tell me beforehand or something.

We can't go on a proper date so to me this feels like one of the next best things. I don't even like movie dates because it doesn't let me know her better but I just wanted to do *something* together for once. And it's as if I've turned up to the cinemas only to find that she's completely forgotten about me.

Has this same thing happened to anyone? How would you feel if your SO confronted you with this sort of thing?

We've only been together for 4 months and this is my first relationship so I'm scared to tell her that this isn't 100% alright with me. But I'm too annoyed to completely let it go too. This is a small problem compared to most of what I read here haha but thanks for letting me rant and thanks in advance for your responses anyway.

EDIT: False alarm everyone. As it turns out, she has a similar story of going online but not seeing me there and waiting for me .-. (Blasted technology) So in the end it was no one's fault! But thanks for the replies and opinions anyway because it still relates to the first time that she didn't turn up If anyone is wondering, the movie that we're watching is Voices of a Distant Star by Makato Shinkai. It's a short film with the theme of long-distance love and it's a bit of a tear jerker. I'd recommend watching it for sure!

[redapple]

i think most people regardless of whether they are LD or CD would find this upsetting. I'd feel very similar to you and would feel a bit forgotten and definately hurt, especially if its been something you've been planning for a while. Things come up, unplanned and out of an individuals control so give her a chance to explain why she wasnt there/didnt contact you to let you know she couldnt make it. However if you feel hurt (imo rightly so) then dont be scared to tell her.

[Honeypie]

I think she's just being rude ... plain & simple. If this was a "real" date {I mean in person ~ real life} would she leave you standing & waiting at a theatre? Or does she feel that because it's online that it's not as important to "be there" You need to talk to her & explain how he actions are effecting you.

[Romeo s Juliet]

you need to talk with her, just make sure it is a good time where both of you are relaxed, and bring it up and say
hey i know you have been busy lately, but the previous day we planned on a movie night, i was waiting till you come online, but i was really hurt when you didnt.
thn let her tell what the reason etc etc was for not coming online for the date. and then clearly discuss how you would like her to tell you early if she is not able to keep a promise for whatever reason, and dont be harsh for whatever reason, be calm and let her know you love and care alot for her, and she letting you know when she cant keep up with a plan you both decided on only helps you to manage your time better and will not make you feel upset/worried

just tell her, your relationship is still new, and when you face situations that you feel uncomfortable about just talk it out nicely.

[dglynn77]

Or does she feel that because it's online that it's not as important to "be there"

This thought made me sad... If online dates aren't real dates, I'm date-less for 2 years! lol

[notyourexgirlfriend]

Skype dates, online movie dates, any dates I take seriously. I'd be pretty miffed myself

[Rueben]

I agree, I'd be pretty upset. It's not hard to email, or text or phone to let you know she wouldn't be there. To just totally not show up without a word is not acceptable. If you don't speak up and just "accept" it, she will continue to walk all over you....as you have said - it's not the first time.

[Katelyn313]

I agree with the other posters, she should have let you know if she wasn't able to make your date. I always call Dylan on my break at work and if he's working late, he ALWAYS takes a minute to text me and ask if I can push my break back. I usually can and then I get to talk to him. But he always makes sure he lets me know what's going on.

Also, even though it seems like a 'small' issue, if you hold things in, it won't be good. You need to talk openly and honestly and calmly with her and explain how you feel. Communication is so important in LDRs, we really can't afford to overlook things because we think they aren't a big deal. Not to mention, (in my experience with my last relationship) once you start overlooking things, it gets easier to over look bigger and bigger issues... it's like a snowball effect.

Just talk to her calmly and honestly. Tell her you were hurt when she didn't show up because you were very much looking forward to it. I'm sure she doesn't know how her actions affected you and she won't know if you don't tell her.

Good Luck!!

[charly]

I've had the same problem with my boyfriend...He just forgot to text me when he would be much later, or not there at all. I talked to him, and now he knows that I just really want to know everything up front. (It's a bit in his culture that not everything needs to be on time, or on schedule..)

Just talk with her!

[Jessipoo]

ya.. my bf doesn't feel he has to "report" to me all the time. The more I pushed the less he would say. He does tell me, I just have to get used to knowing after rather than before

[AnonT]

False alarm everyone. As it turns out, she has a similar story of going online but not seeing me there and waiting for me .-. (Blasted technology) So in the end it was no one's fault! But thanks for the replies and opinions anyway because it still relates to the first time that she didn't turn up If anyone is wondering, the movie that we're watching is Voices of a Distant Star by Makato Shinkai. It's a short film with the theme of long-distance love and it's a bit of a tear jerker. I'd recommend watching it for sure!

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I'm glad everything has all been sorted out.

[Katelyn313]

Good to hear. I think we've all had those miscues... It took Dylan and I each taking a picture of our computer screens and texting them to each other to show neither of us showed on the other persons Skype one night to figure out we shouldn't always trust technology

Anyways, glad it worked out

[Honeypie]

Glad it all worked out in the end