Let's say you go from talking all day and then seeing your SO at night, and you've been doing that for 7 months. Then he moves to another country to start a new job when it's in crazy high production mode and he's got an important role in the company and wants to impress people. Then technology messes up in between, communication dwindles, family members get sick and friends die (but not on your end, all on his). You aren't in a good place emotionally and you are stressing about other things. You guys keep saying things will get better and fixed, and then they don't and "us" takes a back seat to everything. You get a few short brief texts a day, sometimes only when you prompt it and he picks up your daily phone calls only once every week or 2.
DON'T
-keep pushing old topics, things take time to get resolved, especially if you are moving to a new country
-being that stressed and drained, no matter how much someone wants to talk to you, they don't have effort to invest time to get those things fixed
-beat an argument to death - you'll only become more grief rather than comfort
-frantically text or email or call, if you feel you are going to do that, don't. Write it on a notepad, think a little, fight as hard as you can, sleep on it
-play the blame game
-bring problems up all the time, give it some time for things to settle down
-listen to naysayers
-be negative all the time, instead of "I miss what we had", "remember xyz, that was so amazing, I cherish those memories"
DO
-learn to back off
-not repeat the same topics and problems
-be as supportive for as long as you need to be given the situation hoping that your SO and you will "get back to normal"
-use "we"
-know when to bring a problem up
-be patient and understanding
-write your thoughts and frustrations here or in a diary
-do talk to friends and have a support group
-see the glass half full
-pull yourself out of a poop place by FORCING yourself to do things
-listen to your partner
-take people's advice with a grain of salt (it isn't always applicable or appropriate) BUT LISTEN (even if it's harsh) and ACT. Learn. - People I was talking to weren't that helpful..
I wish I had known this advice and put it to action 3 months ago when he moved away. Now I don't know if we're even together because after a big fight, we spoke briefly for 2 days and then he stopped responding to me and uninstalled Whatsapp
DON'T
-keep pushing old topics, things take time to get resolved, especially if you are moving to a new country
-being that stressed and drained, no matter how much someone wants to talk to you, they don't have effort to invest time to get those things fixed
-beat an argument to death - you'll only become more grief rather than comfort
-frantically text or email or call, if you feel you are going to do that, don't. Write it on a notepad, think a little, fight as hard as you can, sleep on it
-play the blame game
-bring problems up all the time, give it some time for things to settle down
-listen to naysayers
-be negative all the time, instead of "I miss what we had", "remember xyz, that was so amazing, I cherish those memories"
DO
-learn to back off
-not repeat the same topics and problems
-be as supportive for as long as you need to be given the situation hoping that your SO and you will "get back to normal"
-use "we"
-know when to bring a problem up
-be patient and understanding
-write your thoughts and frustrations here or in a diary
-do talk to friends and have a support group
-see the glass half full
-pull yourself out of a poop place by FORCING yourself to do things
-listen to your partner
-take people's advice with a grain of salt (it isn't always applicable or appropriate) BUT LISTEN (even if it's harsh) and ACT. Learn. - People I was talking to weren't that helpful..
I wish I had known this advice and put it to action 3 months ago when he moved away. Now I don't know if we're even together because after a big fight, we spoke briefly for 2 days and then he stopped responding to me and uninstalled Whatsapp
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