Not jealous, but uncomfortable

[Swederica]

Yep. that's what the title says and that's what happening.

So anyway the past few weeks this guy at my SO's school have increasingly, out of a sudden, started to talk to her, txt her and i suppose also call her. He's suggested that they'll go from classes together and stuff, also asking her to go to movies and junk. Add to that a couple of compliments and you pretty much have the early picture.

The thing is right now that the movie he wanted to go with my SO to is the same movie i rly rly rly rly wanted to go with her to, but i couldn't as i come over a bit too late. So personally i found it too uncomfortable with him suddenly going with her to that movie, when i couldn't, so i told her to say no in some way.

This is my first time to really have the oppurtunity to be jealous. But i do trust my Katelyn extremely much. I know she just wants to hang out with him as a friend, regular friend :P. But she's also too idk what to call it, like she's afraid of clarify that she's not available or interested because she doesn't want to hurt him.
I don't want to be like forbidding her to have guy friends, ofc not. I just want to you know meet them myself, not to like evaluate them and then tell her which she can friends to, but just so i know who i'm dealing with.

So now when her school will end in 3 weeks or something it's this tradition of a pretty big group of people to go to Six Flags, an amusement park of some sort, and he just happens to be one of that group and txted my SO just yesterday expressing how excited he is for that.

Actually when i come to think about it i am pretty jealous. I am jealous that he can txt her whenever he want, i am jealous that he can meet her everyday, i am jealous that he have the ability to do stuff like that with her. But i'm not afraid of losing her or that he will steal her on the other hand. What i am afraid of however is that he will do something inappropriate. Like for example to surprise kiss her without her like having any choice. Because if that happens i have to be put on the gloves and be not so nice. The reason for that is that, believe it or not, neither of my SO and i have had any bf's or gf's before (Don't judge us :P we've just never have had any time or interest) so subsequently (do i even use that word right? :P) none of us have had our first kiss yet. So if he steals her's i probably have to atleast torture him for a few weeks :P

No but yeah i just wanted to write it out, it makes it a bit easier to think through it

[MadMolly]

I know how it feels when you wish you could be able to text or see your SO whenever! It will be ok if you just keep trusting her.

Btw, if someone randomly and unwantedly plants a kiss on someone else, it doesn't count

[Frank]

I agree with MadMolly. Both parties have to be committed to the first kiss to have it count!
Also, it is very common to feel jealous about people getting to just spend time with your gf. We are jealous of the ease at which they can access your SO in any way. That they can go see your SO at any time while it will cost you a lot of money to go see her. In your case, though, you are right to be a little uncomfortable with the way this guy is acting. He has to recognize that he is being a little too friendly. Usually, when this comes up, it is your gf's responsibility to bring you up several times while he is around so that the guy knows she is 100% committed to you. And, next time you go see your gf, you should meet this guy so he realizes you are a real person. Those two things can help make him ease off a little.

[Swederica]

Haha i suppose you are both right about the kissing part :P

True true. I will clarify to her that she have to make a mark and make sure he get's the message.
She's too nice and caring for that really, she doesn't want to hurt him, which is kind of cute in a way but annoying for me haha.
I will make sure to meet this guy, i'm sure i'll get along with him if we were to get to know eachother haha.

Thanks Molly and Mr. Chief or should i say Mr. Co-Chief? :P

[Zephii]

Yeah if both parties arn't into the kiss it's more like being hit in the face with an over-ripe mango than anything else :P

So, he doesn't know she has a boyfriend at all? Couldn't she just say "Yes, but just as friends" next time he asks her out? Everything Frank said is pretty much spot-on ^^

I don't think you really have to worry, but I understand the jealousy. You'll see her soon though! Then you can shoo him off a little teehee

[Desya]

I understand being jealous when you are far away. My SO has friends that like her and get to hangout with her while we are apart too. It can be hard to accept. It sounds like you two are very secure though, so I'm sure it will be just fine. Like others have said, she should make it clear to him that she is with you and that they can only be friends. If she brings up your name in conversation he should get the message. If he is really her friend this should not hurt him and he should be understanding that she has a SO.

Once you guys meet (so close!) it will be much better. You can check this guy out and let him know how serious your relationship with your SO is.

Good luck!

[Tanja]

I'd be jealous!

But I'd still trust my SO and so should you unless there's any kind of proof that there might be something going on between them which there clearly isn't.

[Swederica]

Well the thing is that we haven't really gone official and stuff thanks to the distance. Which in itself is pretty boring too cuz i can't really post on her facebook or anything like that yet :/

But we will go official in August or something.

Thank you all! I will see her soon so then i will for sure let him know who i am :P

[lunamea]

Yeah if both parties arn't into the kiss it's more like being hit in the face with an over-ripe mango than anything else :P

ROFL!
Yeah, also, it's more like a peck, not a real kiss, if someone surprises you.

I won't say anything on the jealousy part because I'm in a fragile state of mind concerning that right now in my own relationship, but I envy and compliment your trust in your SO!

[Swederica]

ROFL!
Yeah, also, it's more like a peck, not a real kiss, if someone surprises you.

I won't say anything on the jealousy part because I'm in a fragile state of mind concerning that right now in my own relationship, but I envy and compliment your trust in your SO!

Well if i don't trust her all of this will be so much harder, and she hasn't lied or done anything to lose my trust. So i really have no reason not to trust her.

Then on the other hand that i have dreams in which he takes my place in exactly everything my SO and i have talked about doing is another thing. Actually during that dream parts of me died inside.

[LadyMarchHare]

The one thing that jumped at me was your SO's reluctance to say she's unavailable as far as dating someone should they ask. I'm the type of person who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings as well, but I know if I felt a guy starting to get too close, I'd at the very least talk about my boyfriend to get the point across without saying directly, "hey back off, I'm taken." It sounds like the guy's being pretty friendly, maybe more than he needs to be, but you can't really tell, even in person, sometimes. Have you told your SO how uncomfortable it makes you? She'll probably say it's nothing but let her know that you're more worried about HIS actions than hers. You trust her, you don't trust him.

And this is my opinion, but I don't think distance makes up whether or not you're "official" as far as a relationship. You're still going through most of the motions of being in one, it's that you're simply not in the same room. Just my opinion, anyway.

[Swederica]

Well even if we go through most of the stuff of being in one we haven't announced it yet. Mostly because she doesn't want to have all complicated talks with her friends and stuff. Of course some of them know about me, and i've talked to many of her friends myself. But yeah it's complicated. On our facebook profiles it says on both that we are single. That's a fact i really hate, but yeah.

I have told her that. I've also told her that if she doesn't tell him, i will.

[LadyMarchHare]

I understand that. I actually felt weird changing my Facebook relationship status, especially after my SO deleted his account because he was going through a rough time.

Still, I don't think it needs to be announced for all that, but that's still my opinion. It's hard telling people you're in a LDR because you can get a lot of hate for it. Took me a week to tell my mom and she wouldn't let me tell the rest of the family. They found out 2 weeks ago and we've been dating since February. But when you change your status on Facebook you don't have to say who you're involved with and she doesn't have to answer the "omg who're you with?" questions. But, if she isn't comfortable then I suppose you could give that time.

Fine choice, personally. I just wouldn't bark at him like a rabid dog, that might be a bit much. Then again, if he tries to get a kiss then hey try to find a way to bop him in the nose via the phone. That's defending your girl because even if she never says she's taken, she still won't want that kiss from him and you're her White Knight.

[Swederica]

I did actually send him a message. And i was very polite and wrote well-mannered and everything. Still he hasn't replied back, even tho i know he's been online and stuff.
That doesn't really help either :/

[Frank]

Well, it makes sense that he hasn't replied back. He probably never thought that he would be confronted about this, so he can't figure out how to reply and what to say. But if you know he has been online, you know that he has read it, so, at least, your point made it to him.
I also do understand the trepidation of declaring the LDR. But as LadyMarchHare said, the difference doesn't stop you from being official. Back in the day, you didn't have to announce it on Facebook, you just had to feel it.

PS. 'Frank' is fine :P haha