Exasperated with SO's Roommate

[Kerry]

my SO's roommate hates me. she met me for 30 seconds last summer but she flat out hates me. doesn't want to get to know me, thinks I'm evil, etc. I'm keeping this post short to spare you all from the details but she's making my SO's life extremely miserable right now. as you know, he's very sick- herniated disc and blocked aorta, so he has trouble moving and stairs are his worst nightmare, and he is a prime candidate for a heart attack. so when his roommate is screaming at him about me until 2AM he has a hard time staying calm. when he told her that I was coming down to see him she FREAKED! she followed him to his room and when on a curse-rant and said some pretty bad stuff about us. she can say what she wants but the fact that she was making him stressed was the absolute worst thing for his health. so in the matter of a day I went from being able to stay in his apartment to not and now I've shelled out money to cover a hotel room for 2 MONTHS! so far in our relationship I've been the one whose traveled to see him and I've paid for airfare, hotel stay, car rental, etc. the fact that now I've gotta pay for all of this too? sorry... just needed to rant. this summer was supposed to be me taking care of my guy, he'll probably have surgery, and enjoy a nice long summer together. now it's starting off fraught with tension and stress. I just want to cry.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

As much as your SO is going through right now, he is the one that needs to stand up for himself against his roommate. Until that happens you're always going to have this issue. It sucks, it really does. I take it that both are on the lease to the apartment/house and have equal contributions? Having tense moments like these aren't fun for all involved. I don't have a lot of advice because I've not been in your situation. (hugs).

[Captivated]

Wow - that sucks majorly. Is she in love with him or what? What a creep. If someone was affecting my SO so much that it were affecting his health, I'd have to have a talk with them; sit them down and find out what exactly their problem was.

I hope your stay isn't terrible and that you enjoy your time with your SO. And wishing him much luck on his possible surgery!

[pretty ll vacant]

Yeah I totally agree with what captivated said, sounds like that your SO's roommate is in love with him & deeply jealous. She definitely has some issues & if I had a say in it, she would be the one in a hotel room for my visit, but im stubborn like that. She doesnt sound healthy for him at all, have you ever asked why he lives with someone who obviously has no concern for him & is detrimental for his health?

[sewbama]

I'd definitely talk to her. This isn't just your normal she's being obnoxious thing. This could seriously impact his health. Get her alone and tell her that whatever her deal is, she needs to get over it because your guy needs as much help as he can get right now and you are trying to be there to give it to him. In normal situations, it would be his responsibility to stand up to her, but this is not a normal situation. Confrontation is not good for him. He needs to be able to relax. And you need to be there with him. He has every right to have visitors in the place, regardless of his health situation, anyway.

But definitely tell her she has to just deal with it for the next couple months because he needs you and you spent your money coming to take care of him. It is totally unreasonable for her to force you out.

[efish1042]

Ok. Normally I would say this is something that your SO needs to deal with himself, but it sounds like the stress of confrontation is dangerous to him right now. Is there any way for you to contact the roommate yourself and negotiate a truce at least for a time for your SO's sake? Because this sounds like it is dangerous for him.

[Honeypie]

He needs to stand up for himself & so do you .... you really need to talk to her & find out what her problem is ... you also need to find out why he lives with such a toxic person. To me it really does sound like she may have feeling for him.