Do you have a time limit to closing the distance?

[Belle]

I just came back from visiting my SO last week and it was truly the most amazing time I've ever had. He just keeps getting better and better with time =3. Every time I see him he is just so much more loving, attentive, funny and sexy . But anyway, thats not the point of this post. The point is that I can't stop thinking about living with him now. It seemed like a long term plan just a few months ago and now, I can't stand the wait. I miss him more every time I see him. Thing is, he's about to start school again and had a job interview today (which I pray he gets a call back for a second interview). He's just beginning to plan his life and I've had mine figured out pretty much since junior year in high school =/. Sometimes it makes me feel like living together is just not going to happen for much longer than I expected when we first started this relationship.
So I guess I'm wondering... how long are you willing to be in an LDR before making the move?
Is there a min? A max? Does it even matter?
And for those of you in different stages in your career planning... does that have a negative or positive effect on your planning?

[halfwayacross]

I suppose I might be in a different situation than a lot of others on this site, but my SO and I were living nearby in TX while I was attending law school. Prior to when we had even started dating, I had accepted a job for after law school in NJ (where I'm originally from). Then, as things always happen, maybe 2 weeks after I accepted my job I met my SO and we started dating. So I ended up in a really difficult situation where I had to decide if I should take the TX bar to be licensed in texas and commit to moving back to Texas after a year apart when we'd only been dating for about 3 months, or take the NJ bar exam to be licensed in NJ which was my original plan and where I'd likely be networking through my job. I ended up taking NJ, with the assumption that if it worked out with my SO, I'd very likely be again taking another bar--sadly, as though it weren't tortuous enough the first time--and moving right back across country (for many reasons, it would never make sense for my SO to have moved to NJ over Texas).


Fast-forward a year and a half, and I've been living in New Jersey since September, now working full time while studying for the TX bar. I've secured an attorney position back in Dallas for this upcoming September, so we'll actually be closing the distance in a little over two months. So I wouldn't say it's had a negative effect on my career planning. I'll admit it's certainly stressful trying to study for the bar with a full time job, and incredibly frustrating at times knowing I already am admitted to two bars I'll now likely never use, when I could have avoided all of this by just taking TX the first time. But it's not negative, it's all working towards something positive, and a lot of how things worked out i never could have known back then. So not negative. But, I will say, it definitely has had a huge effect on my career planning. I don't think I ever anticipated I'd stay in Texas permanently when I first started law school, and certainly all signs were pointing that I'd migrate my way back to NJ for the longterm.

As for the how long to be in an LDR: For me, personally, I don't know that I could have done the LDR situation had we not had a very specific and defined end period to the distance (I give much credit for those who do). My SO tends to feel the same way about it. We needed the set end date. It's been pretty hard as it is!

[dglynn77]

Two years!

Only because that's when my job here is done! I would wait longer if necessary...but luckily it's not!

[sewbama]

My SO is my soul mate. So there's no telling what I'd do to be with him. If it was someone I didn't know as well or wasn't as sure of, I probably wouldn't be willing to wait as long for. We live together now, and will only be about 200 miles apart in the future (and were only about 60 miles apart in the past). And we really don't know how long we'll be living apart. I'm starting a PhD program in Atlanta that takes 4 years and will build a lot of connections in Atlanta, though I'll definitely have the opportunity to work at a university somewhere else when I'm done. He is halfway through a PhD program where he has built a lot of connections both in Alabama (where I'm from) and in New Mexico (where we are now).

So we really don't know how long the distance could last. He will have his master's degree at the end of the fall semester, which is a huge financial jump for his job prospects, and he originally just wanted that. If he gets angry enough and doesn't want to continue towards the PhD, which he talks about a lot, he might decide to stop with his masters. If that's the case, he could EASILY find work in Atlanta for good money. So that would mean our second distance (our first was 6 months) would only be like four months.

If he finishes his PhD in a timely manner and immediately finds work in Atlanta, it would be about 2 years. So that's my guess for the length of our distance this time -- 2-3 years.

The problem comes in when you take into account that he may not get a job in Atlanta, or that he may get a better job offer elsewhere, likely in New Mexico. There's also a chance the place he's currently interning with in New Mexico offers him a job while he's still working on his PhD, which he's said he'd accept. That would make our distance significantly further, but he'd be making a lot more money, and could afford plane tickets, etc. So if he starts working here or somewhere else in the country, our distance would likely last 4 years, assuming I got a job wherever he was as soon as I finished my PhD. Honestly, that is not likely to happen. So we're really hoping for options one or two. Otherwise it could be a really long time...

[Kiyama]

Our maximum is 1 1/2 years in total. That's how long my training lasts. One more year to go from here. We might be able to get closer together in a few months though if he manages to find a job close by. The army bases here aren't too far away from my city so we would be able to see each other at weekends. Yay

[Dezface]

He just visited a month ago and since then we've decided we can't be without each other. We've started planning it and we will close the distance early next year. I'm sure if we *had* to wait, we could. But we don't, and the desire to be together is strong, so soon it is

[Snowlilly]

Although we don't have a time limit per se.....we are shooting for one year as we figure it will take that long with immigration paperwork and me transferring my nursing license....if it takes longer I might have to squat illegally.....lol.

[redapple]

18 months is my max. Though if needs be obviously it can move a little (you cant plan every detail unfortunately, which is a shame as i love planning!) but I really don't think I could do the 3+ years other people are facing, hats off to you all! Originally I said I wouldn't do more than a year but longer is the best thing for him so we will just have to see how it goes! Xx

[SDPersona]

A year and a half ago, when we just started dating the issue of closing the distance came up in our conversations. We asked each other if they would want to move to each other's country. He said, he'd like to since he was bored with his own country. Me, on the other hand, didn't feel that sure about moving to South Africa to live with someone I'm just starting to fall in love with. I couldn't imagine moving just yet and I made that known to him. He understood and suggested waiting to make that decision until he can visit me to see how my country actually is. That made me feel lots better and I agreed. We'll just continue growing our love and just deal with what's happening now, rather than what's in the future.

Fast forward to now and in just a few days I'm going to graduate. That also means, my boyfriend is going to be here by then. We're going to be together 24/7 for the first time and I'm all sorts of emotions - excited, curious, apprehensive. What's most on my mind is the fact that we'll find out if we fit as a couple. If we do, then I'm ready to make plans for closing the distance. Hopefully we'll need a year for the visa process and to get my financial states in order. If we don't... well I'll be sad of course, but that's life. No sense in pretending what's not there for a maybe marriage. That's what I'm thinking now.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

3 - 5 years. This is just a rough guesstimate. He's currently furthering his education and it could be some time before he's completed that. We've been together 18 months now so I'd say at least another 3 years plus. There's no doubt in my mind that he's worth waiting for.

[temporaryuser]

we will be closing the distance in may 2013. so it will be 28 months total. Septemeber to may will be tough as he will be working 2 jobs and going to school ft finishing up his masters degree. But the job prospects here will be much better with the degree.

[Yaaamiii]

I thought I would have to do it for 4-5 years since that's how long we'd be in school for, but we were in the same school sophomore year so it went more like this:

1 year LD
2nd year CD
3rd year LD
4th year (coming up in August) will be LD

And after that 4th year...he'll be in school still, as his program is a 5 year thing. I don't think I have enough strength in me to keep going after the 4th year, it's just too exhausting. So I will be trying to look for a job in his city.

[frompanthertomustang]

Unfortunately, we knew our distance was going to last 4 years because of our separate universities (I'll most likely graduate before him because he is completely a very difficult major at a top state school that averages around a 5-year program, while I go to a private university where 99% of kids get out in 4 years.) As far as our intended careers go, if I get the job that I want (crossing my fingers!) then I'll be able to work from home. He, on the other hand, will probably be tethered somewhere. If we stay together, I'll be moving wherever he needs to go. If both of us get into the career path we want, our relationships won't affect our jobs negatively.

Luckily, we're from the same home town, so we get to spend some time together this summer, and the next few. Of course, that could change with summer internship opportunities for the coming summers, but for now, we're together until I leave again at the end of August

[Belle]

Wow all of our plans to close the distance vary by a lot. We had originally planed to close the distance after a total of a year and a half... then the summer after that one... and neither of those worked out. He's definitely worth waiting for and Im really hoping we get to move in together after we are both done with school in two years (that would be 4 and a half years total). But it just gets so much harder to wait every time I see him. Having an end point is important for a planner like me, but it just seems to change all the time anyway =/.
Im happy to see that relationships and careers don't interfere with each other for most of you. Ill be applying for residency after med school and won't have much control over where I end up once things are said and done. Im working really hard to go back to Cali maybe but he doesn't seem to know where he wants to work after he's done with school.

[dukes2011]

We're hoping to get married and close the distance in 2.5 to 3 years. We have been LD since we graduated college in May 2011 and I graduate from grad school in May 2013. After I graduate, I have to secure a fellowship for 9 months to get my speech therapist license. I will move back to MD and apply for fellowships there since that's where I'm originally from. I want to live at home for a year because I've racked up a lot of student loan debt. I'm sure you understand! My boyfriend lives in VA, so he'll only be about 2 hrs driving distance come May 2013, but we don't want to get married and fully close the distance until I have a full time job lined up.