:P What do you do to keep the spark alive?

[Pixel]

Maybe I'll make a thread. xD

Make a thread!

[Zephii]

"Keeping it interesting" is my job (that's how we roll) so I'm always on the lookout for things we can do, or ways I can remind him I think he's awesome (or when times are really tough, things to remind us why we like each other at all!) .

Since the honeymoon we've been keen to travel, so for a while we've been talking about where we can go next - and last weekend we finally followed through and went up the coast just for the hell of it. Next time I get a full weekend off, hopefully we'll know far enough in advance that we can go somewhere else.
On the bedroom front, sometimes it's as simple as getting dressed up for him, other times we try to branch out a bit further. For example last night we spent waaay too much money on new things for our toy box

Day to day, we make time for each other. It's very rare that we'll have a night where we're doing our own things if we're both home. Most of the time we'll play a video game, go for a walk or read to each other - but whatever we do after work, it's together.

I think it's a good question to ask. You do need to keep things fun and fresh, imo.

[Trepis]

We make time to talk each day, sometiems once, on good days twice. Mostly about our days , helps us stay connected and keep learning new things about each other. Texting through out the day when we can. Both our chatting and texting ranges from joking to serious, PG to X rated.

To spice things up I like to write her 'adult' emails that contain fantasies of the things I want to do with her when we get together. I'm not even normally creative, I just imagine thing I really want to do and do my best to describe it with as many senses as I can.

- Trepis

[Kiyama]

When we're long distance we have our date night. We play fun games, cook together, watch films and do couple questions. That I really like because it gives us a chance to find out something new about the other
When we're together, we just like to do normal stuff. Cooking together, going for walks or bike rides, going out for dinner and watch movies. Might sound boring but that is the spark I'm looking for.

[Malaga]

I think it's a good question to ask. You do need to keep things fun and fresh, imo.

I think it depends on the people. Some people have a more adventurous spirit. But I know my boyfriend's childhood was quite unstable, his family fell apart and got back together several times, and what he values the most is a strong connection, something he can rely on day in and day out. He's very romantic in an every day kind of way, but neither him or I are very spontaneous people, so sometimes spontaneity and surprises freak us out more than anything else. (Says she who organised a mega surprise for his birthday.)

We both have our independent lives too and the fun and fresh part largely comes from including each other into it, from bringing our non-relationship lives into the relationship - friends, family, events, stories, memories etc.

I do think couples shouldn't take each other for granted and they should work on the relationship all the while and keep expressing their feelings etc. I just don't buy into all the Cosmo advice about how you must keep seducing each other or keep inventing ways to make your time together interesting, otherwise the relationship will go south and he'll leave you and it'll be your fault.

[Yaaamiii]

Sorry I haven't been able to reply sooner! I've been freaking out about my pre-cal test and my mind's been kinda divided. xD

You guys gave some good responses . I've been curious because I feel like my relationship has been a bit dry lately. Malaga mentioned that keeping thing fresh isn't for every couple, that it's for the more adventurous types. I'm definitely more of an adventurous type and like exploring new places. So trying to keep things fresh is something I like doing. :P Thanks for your replies, guys . Got some good ideas.

PS: Eclaire! I definitely would like that PM XD. Jaja yah, I guess just make a new thread LOL :P.

[lovedup]

I feel like the first step to understanding how to "revive" the spark is, in a sense, to get out of the mindset that the comfortable stage = boring.

The way I see it is the foundation of any good relationship is friendship. I compare it to having a best friend, really. When you meet that BFF for the very first time, you end up clicking to a point every conversation starts out as exciting; you don't know one another well yet, yet you click as though you've known each other forever! After that eventually settles down and you get to know one another better, you stop needing to always be doing something. You stop needing to meet up at a movie or hang out at the mall or go to the beach, and you're fine simply hanging out at home talking, cooking, or watching a movie on the couch with badly made pizza. That's what a partner, in my opinion, should also be.

If you aren't at that point with your partner, then perhaps you could consider looking into some exercises to help strengthen a couple's friendship (I have some I could type up to you in a PM if you wanted)? You could consider playing a game of questions or testing each other on your knowledge of one another, and get creative with it! Incorporating personal questions into games like Twister, for example, or Truth or Dare could be a fun way of keeping things interesting and somewhat spicy as well; if you wanted to play sexy with them, you could even play a game of strip twister -> every time your partner answers a question you come up with correctly, you have to remove an article of clothing of their choosing. Sometimes couples need to get back in touch with one another, rekindle the very fundamental basis of their friendship, either through a playful game or even a serious conversation.

As for what I personally do? Well my partner and I describe ourselves as best friends almost before lovers. May seem strange to some people, but it works for us. Due to what we went through together, we were pretty much hurled from the honeymoon stage, but the comfortable stage is equally as nice for us, primarily because we have that foundation that allows us to be able to spend an entire day in and not get bored. Of course, there are certain things we like to do together, like making meals or playing games (he likes to teach newbie me how to play games beyond my making them up/playing them my own way) or simply going out for a walk and talking with one another. Sometimes we talk about things one of us doesn't get but listens to because it's important to the other and tries to make an effort to understand and maintain interest, and sometimes we get into deeper discussions or heated debates about something we both have opinions on. In the moments where that fails us, we simply curl up together and watch TV, or I go read and he hops on the computer or plays music.

There seems to be this idea that relationships need to be about gogogoing all the time or they need to be all excitement all the time or they need to be about rekindling the spark, when I think so many people neglect to see the beauty in the comfortable moments, the moments of silences, the moments of doing your own thing while in the others' proximity, having your own time while still being bathed in the warm security that your partner isn't going anywhere. I think the quiet moments, the moments of not saying anything or the moments of talking about nothing, the moments where cooking together and doing chores comes as second nature, maybe even feels a bit like a chore, have a beauty in them also. I think the trick isn't necessarily to focus on bringing the spark back, but to see the beauty in bonding over activities that might get overlooked because they aren't necessarily seen as spark-inducing. My personal opinion on it, anyway.

I don't know if you will recieve this, but I need help in doing this over long distance, I won't be closing the gap between us for a little while. Right now I don't feel any drive, or excitement/spark, it feels like I'm bored, and I don't want to be. I know that when I see her in 2 months that it'll be fine, but till then what do I do, I feel like I'm not being as talkative because of this.. Any help will be great