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This is all Greek to me!!??!!

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    #1

    This is all Greek to me!!??!!

    So, I am new to this LFAD thing!! I met someone two weeks ago at a local night club through a common friend and we hit it off instantly. We had a fabulous first night together and I found out he was heading back to where he was from the next mnorning (400 miles away). He was in town working and was done his job. He does travel here and to another location about 3 hours from me on a regular basis. He ended up in town a week later and we again had a fabulous night. We had been talking and texting the entire week and both agreed we really liked one another. He was leary as he has had other LDR and they have been unsuccessful. Since our last time together, he has decided he is not wanting to try again with a LDR based on past experience and that as much as he likes me and wants to see me again, he doesnt feel we should pursue a LDR. I really like him and disagree and want to pursue it. I questioned him about his motives to see me the 2nd time and he said it was not just a physical thing, he did in fact want to see me again and wants to continue to see me when he is in town. I asked if it was purely a physical relationship he wanted and he said no, that he wants to spend time with me and that if we were never intimate that would be fine, he just wants to spend time with me!!! I am soooo confused! I really like him and want to try and make this work, but how do I convince him that not all relationships are the same and if we are willing to try, this could be the one...

    At this point and time, him leaving where he is, is not feasible. I am not opposed to moving though, but that is a long ways down the road for us...I just need some advice on what to do to make him see this is worth it. He says he knows I would be worth it but I think he is scared from being hurt before!!
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    #2
    Honestly, I think you should respect his boundaries. You guys hit it off and that's great, but he is not comfortable with the idea of a LDR and I think that's fair. You can't expect everyone to have the same boundaries and this is something out of his comfort zone, and with good reason (i.e., bad LDRs in the past). He wants a relationship that isn't geographically separated and you don't have that same necessity and that is a very important difference between the two of you. If he changes his mind, great; but it's not a horrible thing if he doesn't, as much as it might seem contrary.

    All that is not to say that you should give up entirely. Keep getting to know him and see him when he's in town. Just stay open and as charming as you seem to have already been to him and see what happens.
    Last edited by zchryevns; July 2, 2012, 03:32 AM.

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      #3
      Originally posted by zchryevns View Post
      Honestly, I think you should respect his boundaries. You guys hit it off and that's great, but he is not comfortable with the idea of a LDR and I think that's fair. You can't expect everyone to have the same boundaries and this is something out of his comfort zone, and with good reason (i.e., bad LDRs in the past). He wants a relationship that isn't geographically separated and you don't have that same necessity and that is a very important difference between the two of you. If he changes his mind, great; but it's not a horrible thing if he doesn't, as much as it might seem contrary.

      All that is not to say that you should give up entirely. Keep getting to know him and see him when he's in town. Just stay open and as charming as you seem to have already been to him and see what happens.
      I wholeheartedly agree!

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        #4
        I agree with what advice was given, and i also wanna add, guys normally move at a slower pace at the start of a relationship/connection with a girl they love. give him time. If you are not comfortable with his pace, you should let him know that and move on.

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          #5
          Dont push it. See him when he comes to town. hang out, get to know each other, spend time together. If things are meant to be, they will naturaLLY progress and it will be. Thing is, he has already said he doesnt want a realtionship. that means that you can not expect him not to see other people, and there is not reason for you not to as well, if you were to nmeet someone else that strikes your fancy.
          keep the communication lines open, but dont hound him constantly wanting to talk.
          everything happens for a reason. We may never find out what that reason is/was, but there is a reason.

          Comment

            #6
            I agree with everything that has been said. Saying that however, don't put yourself on hold for this guy or allow yourself to be turned into his booty call when it's convenient for him. It's ok that he's not comfortable with the idea of an LDR, that can change with time. Be his friend, keep communication open but live your life without waiting around for him. Sometimes the best way to catch a guy is to back away and let them realize how much they want you. The old adage "run away until you catch him" is very true
            Three words. Fill my racing mind. Leave me breathless. Lost in time.
            Three words. Fill my endless dreams. Repair my heart. Mend the seams.
            Three words. Fill your heart too. Three words pronounced. I love you.

            ~~~~~~

            You look in the mirror, you don't like what you see, don't believe it.
            Look in my eyes, I am the only mirror you're ever gonna need.



            Met online: 12/24/10 Met In Person: 2/24/11 Distance Closed: 4/24/11
            Not one regret, not one backwards look, only towards the future and beyond!

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              #7
              My relationship with one of my ex's was very similar to this: he didn't want a relationship, but I did and I pressured him into one. People are terrible SO's when they don't want to be in a relationship. And, well, note that he's my ex. In my case though, he was too cowardly to say no and stick to it and he was too cowardly to break up with me, so instead he mistreated me and strung me along.

              You don't want a relationship like that. Trust me, you don't.


              Comment

                #8
                Don't worry about classifying what you have with him into a category at this point, that will surely scare him off if an LDR isn't something he'd normally be enthusiastic about. Talk, get to know each other, have a few visits, let things progress naturally. After a few good months of that, you can casually ask about it, but don't stress over it too much. If it is worth it, he'll figure that out and you can go from there. Good luck!
                Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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                  #9
                  It's never good to force things. I think that you should let your relationship grow and development unhindered, and see where that takes you. Maybe he'll change his mind, and maybe he won't. But, if he really doesn't want a LDR, forcing him into one will only cause it to fail. Good luck!

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                    #10
                    Thanks so much to everyone for the advice!! I know pushing it was not the answer, but I know I cant just walk away...and he has said the same. Its frustrating to me that he says one thing and seems to want another!! I have never been in this kind of situation and the distance is all so foreign to me. Was tempted to just run away but dont want to give up on what could be a good thing!! Thanks again and I look forward to reading the rest of the forums and blogs. Just happened across this site when I was looking for something and thought I would check it out...so glad I did now!!!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I know where you're coming from it is confusing if someone tells you that they like you but dont wanna be in LDR because of past experiences.
                      I am in similar situation now and it drives me nuts but i guess patience is the key.

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